Category: Society
Pistorius’ Defence ‘A Shot in the Dark’
A leaked document has been revealed to the press outlining Oscar Pistorius’ proposed defence arguments in his ongoing murder trial. The legal brief describes the three main planks to his defence designed to undermine the prosecutors case.Firstly he is to…
Choosing the Right Store Brand Ointment is Tough, For Life is Fleeting
By Guest Writer Bill Edgecomb What is this life but a single blink of the eye of an ever-expanding universe? Why do we itch? Is existence itching, the cause of which is the desire for ointment? Are we to just…
Woman Seeks “Unconscious Uncoupling” from Comatose Husband
HOLLYWOOD, CA—In May of 2010, Jerry Gilbertson of the L.A. Area suffered a severe balloon animal accident that ruptured a cerebral artery and put him in a coma. Nearly four years later, Jerry’s wife Deborah has become fed up and…
Carnival Corporation Posts Onboard Cruise Crime Data
In a voluntary effort to be more accountable to the public, Carnival Cruise Lines has released data about 576,727 alleged crimes reported on board their ships during the previous year. Included in the release were 18967 incidents of public drunkenness,…
France Finds Missing Flight 370
After waiting more than ten days to jump into the search for Flight 370, France declared it has found the ill fated airliner off the coast of Italy. “We were delayed due to union repairs on our sole high imaging…
Christians Buy “What Would an Iron Age Yokel do?” Bracelet
Dateline: CHARLOTTE, NC—Along with its more famous line of wristbands, emblazoned with the words, “What would Jesus do?” Dollars for Jesus, a Christian merchandise company began selling a mysterious alternative, a wristband asking its wearer, “What would an Iron Age…
Cleveland Man Content with Penis Size
LAKEWOOD, OH—Jeffery Miller, a car mechanic based in the Cleveland area, is reportedly happy with the length, girth, and performance of his penis. “Yeah, it’s pretty good, I guess,” says Miller, 36. “I’ve never had any problems with it, and…
Breaking: Glossy News to Feature Malaysia Flight 370 Article
GN Corporate Headquarters—After waiting long enough for someone, anyone, to address the issue that was clearly a major, current topic, Glossy News has finally caved in and decided to break their deafening silence regarding Malaysia Flight 370. “I just know…
5 Steps To Hosting A Million Dollar Party
So, you made your way into college…Great, good job! Now all that’s left for you to do, is to acknowledge you have no place there and all your future holds for you is a prime career in flipping burgers. Nah,…
Cosmos Show Embroiled in Legal Controversy with Churches
Dateline: LOS ANGELES—Dozens of churches in the United States are collectively suing the producers of Cosmos, the reboot of the television show previously hosted by Carl Sagan, for “stealing the Christian shtick.” The filed complaint was obtained by the press…