Category: Crime
GOP End of Days Panic: Rick Perry Declares Himself the Anti-Reagan
The GOP is getting worried about outside infiltration and even supernatural omens, as rumor has it that Rick Perry has revealed himself to aides as the literal anti-Reagan. No need to worry about fire and brimstone, signs in the Heavens,…
Serial Killer Ashamed He Used The N-Word
While cutting out individual letters from various newspapers and magazines, local serial killer Simon Thompson told Iron E-News that although he used the N-word while strangling an African American, the killing was not racially motivated. “I don’t know what came…
Brazilian Boy Steals Joke from Friend; Gets Publicly Hanged
A young Brazilian boy, accused of stealing a simple joke from his classmate and friend, was found hanged in front of his home, a pile of human shit piled against one another. The young boy’s mother was left crying her…
Girls Stab Friend in Honor of Slenderman; Glad it Wasn’t in the Back
Two girls were arrested by the Bureau of Academic and Constitutional Owners for Niggas force for allegedly stabbing a girl after trying to prove the existence of the Photoshopped myth “Slenderman”. When questioned by the judge, the two girls responded…
Catholic Church Commemorates Scientology for Beating Their Scam Record
The bald-ass monkey pope from the Catholic Church in some schmancy European country commemorated the Church of Scientology this week for utterly destroying their record set since their foundation back when the bearded old man went up in the sky….
Open Carry Texas Opens Fire, Saves Lives at San Antonio Sonic
Gun Rights Activists flaunting their 2nd Amendment rights were in the right place at the right time yesterday when they courageously exchanged gunfire in a Houston based Sonic fast food restaurant and saved several restaurant goers the fate of high…
Jesus Look-alike Arrested for Feeding 5,000 Homeless People
ORLANDO — A Jesus look-alike was arrested today for violating the Orlando city ordinance against feeding homeless people. Jesús Christos, 33, of Kissimmee, is now being held in Orlando City Jail. Orlando Police said that early yesterday afternoon Christos began…
California Considers Move to Ban ‘Blonde Sluts’ After Man Goes on Rampage Because He Never Got Any
Isla Vista, CA – A delusional, 22 year-old man went on a premeditated killing spree Friday night in an attempt to get “retribution”, as he stated it, for the slight he felt humanity had given him. His hatred focused on…
My Mother Was A Margarine Smuggler
Yes, it is true. Shameful but true. It is always difficult for the children of those involved in criminal activities to confront their past and the social stigmas associated with such behavior, but at some time it must be faced….
A Solution to Our Prison Problem – Soccer Balls
Newsflash: Our prison population over the past two decades has soared to a record-bursting 2.4 million, according to PrisonPass.com almost one out of every 100 Americans is currently incarcerated. (Personally, I blame Hollywood celebutantes Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton and Justin…