Serial Killer Ashamed He Used The N-Word

While cutting out individual letters from various newspapers and magazines, local serial killer Simon Thompson told Iron E-News that although he used the N-word while strangling an African American, the killing was not racially motivated.

“I don’t know what came over me,” said the delusional man who has claimed nearly two dozen victims over the past three months. “I swear that my murder spree isn’t racially motivated in any way. The slur simply came out in the heat of the moment. I know that’s no excuse, but I don’t know what else to say.

“I’ve killed three other African Americans in the past month alone and never once did I have an outburst like last night,” added Thompson, who’s been dubbed the Pinstripe Murderer for the way he removes long slivers of flesh from his victims. “In fact, I’d go so far as to say that many of my imaginary friends would be African American if they weren’t formless voids that command me to kill.”

According to Thompson, the ordeal has forced the clinically insane psychopath to put things into perspective.

“Until the unfortunate situation last night, the idea that race was somehow a motivating factor had never crossed my mind,” said the serial killer between fits of hysteria and crying. “Before now, the idea that I’d have a grudge against an entire race of people is something I would’ve laughed off while plotting my next sacrifice. Because of what happened, I’ve taken a good, hard look at myself and wondered if maybe I have a dark side.”

“What’s really horrible is that after this latest episode, I’m afraid all people will remember is that I used a racial slur while ending the life of a man I’d never even met,” the serial killer continued as he added yet another strip of flesh to a wall containing the “souvenirs” of his other victims.

“To be honest, I’m really hoping to put this whole ordeal behind me, focus on what really matters, and let my legacy speak for itself,” said Thompson. “I just don’t want the cops to break in here and only see the African American pelts. With their history of racial intolerance, I wouldn’t put it past them.”

Author: Don Plattner

Satire, Poker, and Science. Nothing better.

2 thoughts on “Serial Killer Ashamed He Used The N-Word

  1. I am so sick of you racist killers! I’m not sure how you can live with yourself knowing what a horrible, horrible person you are. It is people like you that make racial harmony a joke, no not a joke an impossible dream. Short-sighted, hateful people like you just can’t imagine a world where people of all races and creeds can lie in a mass grave hand in hand.

    How you can’t control yourself and allow such foul, debasing language to just idely slip out of your mouth is beyond me. All the discipline it takes to stalk, kill, and selectively dismemeber a person and you can’t keep your mouth in check? You smuck! Not only have you totally discredited yourself, you have smeared the entire subculture of serial killers who have worked long and hard for some goddamned respect. If you had one decent bone in your body (or at least your collection) you’d have the good taste to just kill yourself now and make the world a better place.

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