Posted in Human Interest Science

Conspiracy Theorist Denies Olive Oil is Extra Virgin

NEW YORK – Guido da Vinci had always wondered how there could so much extra virgin olive oil in supermarkets across the world. “I mean wherever I went in the world, I could find extra virgin olive oil. A lot…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Conspiracy Theorist Denies Olive Oil is Extra Virgin
Posted in Human Interest Science

New Study Shows Small Men Prefer Big Trucks

The Size of One’s Vehicle is Directly Proportional to the Size of Genitalia A new study conducted by the National Research Panel has concluded that men who drive large trucks, SUVs, and automobiles have smaller genitalia than men who drive…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! New Study Shows Small Men Prefer Big Trucks
Posted in Religionism Science

Spectacular Creationist Breakthrough: World Much Older Than We All Thought

Entirely Non-Superfluous Disclaimer Sorry to be reworking a previous piece from TheSpoof.com here. I mean, it’s not that I’m running out of ideas… But I’ve already got so much tedious crapola in my hatebox from the “Labour Leak” article, that…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Spectacular Creationist Breakthrough: World Much Older Than We All Thought
Posted in Kidz Zone Science Science & Technologizzy Technology Top Stories

Philae Lander Voted “Bouncy House Of The Year”

Physics Today, the flagship journal of the American Institute of Physics, has announced the ESA Philae lander is the first winner in a new category in their annual awards for breakthroughs in physics, “Bouncy House Of The Year”. “This year…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Philae Lander Voted “Bouncy House Of The Year”
Posted in Science Science & Technologizzy

Bread Bath & Beyond Unearths Ancient Toy in Corporate Warehouse

Success in cold storage warehouse construction   Cоld ѕtоrаgе wаrеhоuѕеѕ are kеу wауроіntѕ in оur nation’s fооd ѕuррlу аnd dіѕtrіbutіоn nеtwоrk. Due to changes іn thе wау food іѕ processed, mоvеd, bоught аnd consumed, соld storage wаrеhоuѕе соnѕtruсtіоn is top-of-mind…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Bread Bath & Beyond Unearths Ancient Toy in Corporate Warehouse
Posted in Health Science

Widespread Ebola Pandemic Fears A “Huge Confidence Booster” For Previously Modest Ebolavirus

SENEGAL – Explaining that it was, “as surprised as the next viral particle,” about the panic surrounding a potential global Ebola outbreak, EBOV, the virus responsible for Ebola Hemorrhagic Fever, held a press conference this week detailing its seemingly pleasant…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Widespread Ebola Pandemic Fears A “Huge Confidence Booster” For Previously Modest Ebolavirus
Posted in Science Science & Technologizzy

Olive Garden’s Dirty Secret Uncovered

Willow Grove, Pennsylvania – The location where the last known Olive Garden once stood before it succumbed to extinction was the site of a groundbreaking find on Thursday when archaeologists unexpectedly discovered a new insect that has been named the…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Olive Garden’s Dirty Secret Uncovered
Posted in Environment Science

Asteroid RC 15: “I Purposely Avoided Collision With Earth”

OUTER SPACE: In an exclusive interview, RC15, an asteroid that, on Sunday, passed closer to earth than the moon, says it purposely avoided a collision with our planet. “I really, really did not want to hit you guys after I…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Asteroid RC 15: “I Purposely Avoided Collision With Earth”
Posted in Science Television

New Postage Stamp Baked as a Tribute to Extinct Restaurant Chain

Washington, D.C. – In an effort to promote breadstick awareness following the loss of America’s beloved restaurant chain, the Olive Garden, the United States Postal Service has announced the release of a set of commemorative stamps honoring the breadsticks that…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! New Postage Stamp Baked as a Tribute to Extinct Restaurant Chain
Posted in Health Science Top Stories

The Condemned No Longer Fear The Reaper

FLORENCE, Ariz. (GlossyNews) — A government think tank has come up with a novel idea to ensure there are no more botched executions like the one that occurred this week in Arizona. States have traveled a long and winding road…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! The Condemned No Longer Fear The Reaper
Posted in Science

Scientists: Potheads Cannot Recognize Connection between Their Stash & Murderous Drug Cartels

Scientists have finally proven that there is a big disconnect in the minds of those heavily into pot. It has been long suspected that marijuana use has negative effects upon the brains and bodies of partakers, a claim equally long…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Scientists: Potheads Cannot Recognize Connection between Their Stash & Murderous Drug Cartels
Posted in Religionism Science

Study shows Men Secretly Resent Women’s Phatness

Dateline: NEW YORK—Islamic states are infamous in the West for forcing women to wear burqas, since those outer garments obscure the shape of women’s bodies and are thus odious from a feminist standpoint. Defenders of the sexist laws typically resort…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Study shows Men Secretly Resent Women’s Phatness
Posted in Science Science & Technologizzy

Arizona Scientists Prove Alien Existence; Body is Launched Back to Planet Mexico

Scientists from the University of Arizona have concluded this Friday that the possible existence of extraterrestrial life could become a reality after certain test results are finalized. The University was baffled when a 2,500 year old alien life form, Ernesto…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Arizona Scientists Prove Alien Existence; Body is Launched Back to Planet Mexico
Posted in Science Technology

Scientists Find Water On Nearby Useless, Soda-less Planet

CAPE CANAVERAL, FLA. — Scientists with the NASA space program recently uncovered several million gallons of potable water — though no traces of carbonated liquid of any kind — on a large, nearby planet in what is being pronounced “a…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Scientists Find Water On Nearby Useless, Soda-less Planet
Posted in Environment Science

Facing Extinction, Olive Garden Traces Dinosaur’s Demise For Answers

70 Million years ago in modern day Orlando, Florida – It is a warm, sunny afternoon during the Cretaceous Era as Breadsterastyx, a close relative of Triceratops, feasts on a large garden filled with ferns and wildflowers, while closely watching…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Facing Extinction, Olive Garden Traces Dinosaur’s Demise For Answers
Posted in Science

The Universe Is F*cking Ridiculous, Say World’s Leading Astrophysicists

STOCKHOLM, Sweden—Last week, researchers from MIT, Cambridge, The Swiss Federal Institute of Technology, and other renowned institutions met at the World Astrophysics Conference in Stockholm, where many of the greatest minds in astrophysics debated the properties of dark matter, the…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! The Universe Is F*cking Ridiculous, Say World’s Leading Astrophysicists
Posted in Science

Microbiologist Lies About Finding Life on Mars

PASADENA, Ca — Last Thursday, the team leading NASA’s Mars Science Laboratory mission made history when the rover Curiosity identified indisputable evidence of life on Mars—or so it seemed. The historic discovery, initially made by microbiologist Dr. James Weaver, turned…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Microbiologist Lies About Finding Life on Mars
Posted in Environment Science

Giant Sinkhole Draining Gulf of Mexico

NAPLES, FL – Despite warnings of rising coastal waters around the globe, scientists, in late 2012, found that the coastal waters abutting the Gulf of Mexico were actually declining at a rate of .001 (1/1000) inches per month. While in…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Giant Sinkhole Draining Gulf of Mexico
Posted in Science World News

Strange Hieroglyphics Found on Russian Meteorite

Chelyabinsk, Russia – Scientists have located a large chunk of the Chelyabinsk meteorite that came crashing down in Siberia on February 15, causing injuries in this small village in the Ural region of Russia. The fragment was recovered from Lake…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Strange Hieroglyphics Found on Russian Meteorite
Posted in Science World News

China Lays Blame for Lunar Disaster On Female Driver

At a press conference Saturday China announced its lunar mission was in danger and appeared to lay blame on it’s female rover. The rover, named Yutu and translated as “Rickshaw Woman”, got off to a rocky start when it overshot…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! China Lays Blame for Lunar Disaster On Female Driver
Posted in Science

Scientists Discover Modern World “May Be Bad For You”

A recent scientific discovery claims that modern conveniences are having negative side-effects on the mental and bodily health of many first-world inhabitants. Scientists from around the globe report today that modern conveniences, such as the luxury of remaining stationary and…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Scientists Discover Modern World “May Be Bad For You”
Posted in Science

Ten Year Government Study Concludes People Like Beaches

Amity Island, FL – A recently completed government financed study of people’s weekend and holiday habits has concluded that people like beaches. “We weren’t sure why people were going to the seashore.” said lead research scientist Phil Pockets. “Was it…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Ten Year Government Study Concludes People Like Beaches
Posted in Science Strange People

Punxsutawney Phil Delegates Groundhogging Duties to Maringouin Mike

Citing career fatigue and the desire to sleep in on Super Bowl Sunday, Punxsutawney Phil announced today he will delegate his annual weather prognostication to longtime Louisiana business associate Maringouin Mike. “I’m proud to announce that Maringouin Mike will take…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Punxsutawney Phil Delegates Groundhogging Duties to Maringouin Mike
Posted in Internets Tubes Science

Theory Universe Just A Hologram “Really Messes With Peoples Heads”

An article in the Huffington Post (Science section, Dec. 12) titled ‘Is The Universe A Hologram? Physicists Say It’s Possible’ is causing queasiness amongst many in the world, especially those in a perpetual state of pot induced highness. Our intrepid…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Theory Universe Just A Hologram “Really Messes With Peoples Heads”
Posted in Science Television

Sheldon- The Gold Standard For Geekdom

Words alone cannot describe the wonderfulness of Sheldon Cooper. The main star of the television series ‘The Big Bang Theory’ has set the new bar high for all those nerdists who will surely follow in his footsteps hereafter. He is…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Sheldon- The Gold Standard For Geekdom
Posted in Science

WWII-Era Sub Found At 7-Eleven

O’AHU, HAWAII — Researchers in Hawaii have uncovered a World War II-era submarine sandwich inside the island’s only 7-Eleven store location. The sub, known in the early 1940s as a “Spam-n-Depression Special” is made up of mostly Spam, lettuce and…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! WWII-Era Sub Found At 7-Eleven
Posted in Science

Yuppies Demand That Science Classify Themselves Seperate Species

Yuppies, those demi-gods who live amongst us mere mortals do have a hard go of it. They, by their very existence, are refined creatures so much better than you or I who are mere mortals suckling the earth for survival….

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Yuppies Demand That Science Classify Themselves Seperate Species
Posted in Science

Study: Looking at Spider Images Dramatically Increases Likelihood of Spider Encounter

ATLANTA, GA—Researchers at Georgia State University have found conclusive evidence that each time an individual looks at any image depicting a spider, the odds of one being nearby and currently approaching them “just skyrocket.”

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Study: Looking at Spider Images Dramatically Increases Likelihood of Spider Encounter
Posted in Science

Laying Off Researchers a Bad Idea, Confirm Researchers

WASHINGTON—Amid news that federal budget cuts are set to cause a number of additional layoffs in the fields of research and science, several reports surfaced asserting that such cuts are “really not a good idea” and to “not do that.”…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Laying Off Researchers a Bad Idea, Confirm Researchers
Posted in Science

Evidence of Life Discovered on Surface of Marsh

ANDERSON – In what has become a sensational development, sources today confirmed the discovery of life on the surface of Marsh – the Indianapolis-based food retail store. It was previously believed that life could not flourish on the store’s floor,…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Evidence of Life Discovered on Surface of Marsh