Animals Furious at PETA for Campaigning Against Testing Cosmetics Products on Them

For years, animal testing has come under significant scrutiny due to the supposedly “inhumane” nature of the process. PETA has long opposed what has been referred to as a “barbaric” set of actions designed to enhance company profits at the risk of endangering the health and safety of innocent animals.

Yet after years of silencing the animals they were speaking for, PETA has now been rebuked by the very population they had claimed to be protecting.

“Curious” George Bananagobbles, spokesman for Pro-Animal Cosmetics Testing (PACT), and well-known celebrity monkey, has finally offered up the stance of the animal population on the exercise of cosmetics testing on the animal population. Read more Animals Furious at PETA for Campaigning Against Testing Cosmetics Products on Them


Beggar Arrested For Attempted Choosing

A homeless man was taken into police custody yesterday following an appalling attempt at choosing an item off of the menu in a nearby restaurant. According to police reports, a wealthy man had offered to buy the homeless man (a known beggar) some dinner so that he might not go hungry during the holidays.

Upon sitting down together at a table, the homeless man then made an egregious attempt to order his own food, by pointing his finger at one of the House Entrees, and asking the waiter “how the steak is prepared.”

Read more Beggar Arrested For Attempted Choosing


Flu Spray Replacement Found Among City Dwelling Homeless population

For many years, the flu vaccine was administered primarily in two ways—via an injection or through a nasal spray. However, many pharmacies and doctors have steered away from the use of the flu spray, and settled almost exclusively on the use of the injection. This shift was due, in large part, to alarmed parents who voiced concerns that the act of ingesting something through the nose could lead to a higher inclination to indulge in nasally administered narcotics later in life

Ironically, these parents failed to recognize that narcotics can also be administered through injections… usually to consume drugs that are both more addicting and harmful. The concerns somehow were limited to the action of ingestion via the nasal cavity and its development into drug usage down the line. Despite there being absolutely no evidence to support these claims, officials in the medical field have still fielded their questions and concerns, and responded amicably.

Lisa Martin, a mother of two elementary students, asserted that, “There was just a small period where we were running out of stuff to complain about. If I’m not constantly questioning the status quo disguised as concern for my child’s well-being, how are people going to know that I actually care about my kids?”

Read more Flu Spray Replacement Found Among City Dwelling Homeless population