Category: Science
The Nomenclature of Genitalia (1/3)
As a scientist I had run out of things to research. Space is crowded and brains overdone. I find the uncertainty principle vague so quantum mechanics was out as well. There were few places to turn and I was forced…
Richard Dawkins to Open a Sustainable Fish and Chip Shop
OXFORD, ENGLAND – Richard Dawkins, professor emeritus and former chair of public understanding of science at Oxford University has announced plans to open a new fish and chip shop that aims to serve up a sustainable catch. Professor Dawkins explained: Cod…
Hotheads’ Violence Caused by Hot Climates, Study Finds
Dateline: GREENLAND—A sociobiological study from Bigwig University in Ittoqqortoormiit, Greenland shows that the areas around the world with the hottest temperatures tend to be inhabited by more aggressive, bellicose peoples, or “hotheads,” as the study calls them, while colder zones…
NASA Continues Search for Planets Where Government More Favorable to Funding Space Exploration
A panel of experts unveiled seven earth-sized planets only 235,145,014,927,344 miles from Earth (where we live), three of which may posses the proper conditions for Pokemon. This is only the latest milestone in an ongoing search to identify alien governments…
Mosquitoes- The Mini-Mes Of Vampires
Mosquitoes are evil little geniuses. They are adept enough to fly up, whine in your ear, then take off laughing as you whip yourself in the head trying to swat them. They know how to hold a victim in suspense…
Donald Trump Proves Existence of the Multiverse
In a groundbreaking pronouncement, the International Forum of Theoretical Physicists today stated that Donald Trump’s election confirmed the existence of the multiverse. At a press conference held at the National Academy of Sciences, Belinda Suarez, IFTP’s executive director, declared that…
“Leap Centimetre” To Be Added To The Length Of The Metre In 2017
The International Bureau of Weights and Measures in Paris today announced that a “leap centimetre” would be added to the length of the metre at midnight on 31st December 2016. ‘People are familiar with the time correction that occurs in…
Visual World To Revert To Black-and-White
Scientists have warned that our visual world will almost certainly revert to monochrome, or black-and-white, within the next five to ten years. Those who have viewed photographs, films or television recordings made during the early or mid 20th century, will…
Tourists Flock to See Non-existent, Abstract Mathematical Concepts
The Royal Observatory at Greenwich, England, today announced the opening to the public of two further lines of longitude. For many years, the famous Zero or Prime Meridian at the Observatory had attracted increasing numbers of tourists, each wishing to…
Genetic history mapped: Trump full of Neanderthal DNA
Recently, scientists at the Howard Hughes Medical Institute at Harvard Medical School have analyzed DNA from prehistory, to discover large population shifts ranging from 45,000-7,000 years ago. Scientist David Reich concluded that these changes in prehistoric human populations directly correlate…