Category: Science & Technologizzy
WalMart To Stock Nobel Peace Prize In Stores For Christmas
Benton, AR – (Glossy News) WalMart retailers across the US are all set to stock The Nobel Peace Prize on their store shelves in time for the Christmas buying season. Officials claim there will be plenty to go around and…
DIY Assault Rifle Goes on Sale, Despite ACLU Support
BMB Industries has introduced the new Black Momba Assault Rifle Kit claiming, ‘it can be assembled right in the peace and comfort of your own home using simple, everyday tools.’ The Black Momba kit, model M-160-B assault rifle, will be…
Homeland Security Calls on Superman to Help Passenger Screening
In a move to help quell the uproar over airport full-body scanners, Department of Homeland Security chief Janet Napolitano put in a personal call to the Man of Steel asking for help, despite doubts about his very existence. The growing…
Cheney, Inspired By “Iron Man”, Reinvents As Superhero (or Villian, Depending)
Inspired by the success and the popularity of Marvel Comics ‘Iron Man’ movie series, Dick Cheney has decided to use the millions he gathered during his tenure as the head of Halliburton and as the shadow head of the United…
New Planet Discovered; Patriotic Americans Worry about Jobs
Scientists are still excited over the discovery of a habitable planet orbiting the nearby red dwarf star, Gliese 581. However, the discovery has many Americans wondering what the government plans to do in the event of an alien invasion. “We…
Al Gore’s Zero-Carbon Auto Arrives in US; Pre-Sales Brisk
Detroit, MI – GlossyNews.com – Ex-Vice President, internet wizard, and noted global climate expert, Al Gore, has unveiled a unique total-green automobile offering that could change the way Americans drive. In collaboration with Tata Motors of India, Gore has invented…
Music-Composing Super Computer Deemed a Failure
PITTSBURGH, Pennsylvania – A scientist at a local university has declared his greatest achievement, a computer capable of composing original music, a complete failure. Dr. William T. Corn had been working for over fifteen years on the Artificial Music Operation Project,…
Center of Known Universe Found During Routine Colonoscopy
University researchers have made a startling discovery after a routine colonoscopy of a 50 year old native American man revealed a phenomenon. The discovery is known in layman’s terms as….The Center of the Known Universe! The true Theta Victa Gamma…
US wins Supercomputer Race w/ Record-Breaking Chinese Computer
It was announced this week that China now owns the world’s fastest computer, which is a great victory for Americans, since the technology is far from new, and the technology all comes from Santa Clara, California. That’s clearly a boon…
Chiclones and Windpocalypses and NDizzards, Oh My
EDITORIAL (GlossyNews) — Meteorologists, or Weather Forecasters as they like to refer to themselves, have always found it hard to keep their audiences happy. If they call for sunshine and it rains, the first people blamed are the forecasters. For…