Archive | Science & Technologizzy

Fat Gits Causing Global Warming

Fat Gits Causing Global Warming

This week’s Dogwanker’s Review headline reveals that being overweight is bad for the environment as well as your health, according to the results of a leaked survey financed by the Ministry for Wasting Money. Researchers at the London School for Idiotic Studies found that overweight people were likely to be more responsible for carbon emissions than skinny people because they eat more food and their cars consume more fuel to move the extra weigh around. Continue Reading

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China Promises Fake Lunar Landing by 2008

China Promises Fake Lunar Landing by 2008

China’s space program has enjoyed successes at a price previously unmatched by any space program. Not the US nor former Soviet Union, not even Canadians have been able to make strides in pace with the Chinese,, and not even because a typical Asian stride is so much shorter based on height alone. Continue Reading

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Maccessories Introduces the iPenis

Maccessories Introduces the iPenis

Apple/Macintosh, long the personal computer choice of lesbians, has unveiled their long-anticipated iPenis, the USB dildo built for interactive dyke e-erotica games and programs that can only run on the power of a Mac. Continue Reading

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos0 Comments

Ebay Catalog Mailings Mire Postal Service to a Crawl

Ebay Catalog Mailings Mire Postal Service to a Crawl

Ebay has been feeling the growing pressure from mail order catalog companies due to their revived success in recent years. Consumers often don’t know what they want and having the luxury of flipping through pages was something Ebay just couldn’t offer, until now. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Technology0 Comments

Toyota Hybrid Sports Car “Priapus” Gets Greenlight

Toyota Hybrid Sports Car “Priapus” Gets Greenlight

Toyota Motor Corp. set themselves apart from American automakers in the 80’s and 90’s by designing quality vehicles absent of planned functional obsolescences. This decade Toyota made their mark by introducing the Prius, the first hybrid car to hit the market. Critics have praised it while still dubbing it a “gutless crackerbox”, but now crackers have a sporty carriage of testosterone to choose while pretending to remain eco-friendly. Call it the hybrid Volta or the inbred Priapus, either way it still smells like raw pheromones. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Technology0 Comments

Slut 2.0 Introduces Hot-Swappable Ports

Slut 2.0 Introduces Hot-Swappable Ports

On the eve of release, designers and critics alike are praising the much anticipated release of the newest version of Slut. Whether you are a casual user or a diehard Slut enthusiast, the robust build promises a hole new experience in high speed access. Continue Reading

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Cingular Busted on “Unlimited Mobile to Mobile, AL” Plan

Cingular Busted on “Unlimited Mobile to Mobile, AL” Plan

Since their merger/buyout of the non-company AT&T Wireless, Cingular has improved it’s reputation from the “largest corner of no signal whatsoever” to that of a true player in the era of modern wireless communication. Their biggest push has been the claim of the largest free mobile-to-Mobile calling area, but with bills now rolling in, subscribers only now understand that this only refers to calls to Mobile, Alabama. Continue Reading

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, Technology0 Comments

Alien Adductions Reach Epidemic Proportions

Alien Adductions Reach Epidemic Proportions

NASA is growing irritated at incomplete missions fouled by meddling do-gooder aliens returning humans to earth prematurely in the name of stellar safety.

Alien abductions have been fabled for centuries with festive highlights ranging from anal probing to impregnation, with very little in between. Alien adductions, conversely, have been documented with increasing frequency. This is the incident of extra-terrestrials snapping up humans, and bringing them back to earth, rather than taking them away. Continue Reading

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