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Useful New Keyboard Shortcuts

Most users of the Windows operating system are familiar with such frequently used keyboard shortcuts as Ctrl+C for copying selected text or Ctrl+V for inserting text. A number of new keyboard shortcuts have recently been introduced to assist users in handling common new word processing and electronic communications tasks. Among them are the following: Continue Reading

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Posted in Science & Technologizzy, Technology0 Comments

Nano-Chip Brain Implant Allows Users to Instantly Speak Foreign Language

Nano-Chip Brain Implant Allows Users to Instantly Speak Foreign Language

The first-ever nano-chip language translators are rolling off the assembly line and into cosmetic surgeons’ offices quicker than you can say “Se Habla Espanol?” No longer will it be necessary for those wishing to learn a second or even third language to go through the arduous process of weeks and weeks of studying tapes or attending language classes. Continue Reading

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Posted in Science & Technologizzy, Technology11 Comments

Wikileaks Insider Leak: Assange is Developing Nuclear Capabilities

Wikileaks Insider Leak: Assange is Developing Nuclear Capabilities

United States intelligence sources are claiming that Wilileaks Founder, Julian Assange’s recent release of highly sensitive cables is just the tip of the iceberg of what Assange is truly capable of. They paint the picture of a man who considers himself to be one of the most important figures in shaping the way the countries of the world relate to each other. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Technology1 Comment

So. Cal Mystery Missile Tale Takes New Turn

So. Cal Mystery Missile Tale Takes New Turn

It began with video from a California news helicopter. A rapidly ascending object is seen leaving a con trail against the backdrop of a beautiful sunset, several miles offshore. Rampant speculation followed, amid Pentagon denials of any ‘Area 51’ type activity.

It now appears the Pentagon was telling the truth this time, and today dawns an uncertain new era in human history. Extraterrestrial life has been found; just not in the place we were looking. Continue Reading

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Posted in Technology, War Zone0 Comments

India Plans Space Station Call Ctr., How May It Help You?

India Plans Space Station Call Ctr., How May It Help You?

BANGALORE, INDIA (Glossy News) — India plans to launch its first manned space mission in 2016, moving to become the fourth nation to put a man in space (fifth if you count Russia and the USSR separately, which many cold warriors do) — but it comes with a peculiar pro-business twist.

The estimated cost for the single mission is currently at a reasonable $2.76 billion – or about $2.43 per Indian citizen (most of whom earn less than a dollar a year), given 2010 population statistics. Continue Reading

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Homeland Security Calls on Superman to Help Passenger Screening

Homeland Security Calls on Superman to Help Passenger Screening

In a move to help quell the uproar over airport full-body scanners, Department of Homeland Security chief Janet Napolitano put in a personal call to the Man of Steel asking for help, despite doubts about his very existence.

The growing backlash from passengers, pilots and airlines themselves has prompted an emergency meeting between the DHS and TSA to look for a solution just before the busiest holiday travel season of the year officially kicks off. Continue Reading

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Posted in Technology, Travel2 Comments

Al Gore’s Zero-Carbon Auto Arrives in US; Pre-Sales Brisk

Al Gore’s Zero-Carbon Auto Arrives in US; Pre-Sales Brisk

Detroit, MI – GlossyNews.com – Ex-Vice President, internet wizard, and noted global climate expert, Al Gore, has unveiled a unique total-green automobile offering that could change the way Americans drive.

In collaboration with Tata Motors of India, Gore has invented a revolutionary vehicle that runs entirely on body odor and emits only a fraction of polluting hydrocarbons. Gore has named the first model after himself, who, according to at least one licensed massage practitioner, has an untapped “wealth of body odor.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment, Technology2 Comments

US wins Supercomputer Race w/ Record-Breaking Chinese Computer

US wins Supercomputer Race w/ Record-Breaking Chinese Computer

It was announced this week that China now owns the world’s fastest computer, which is a great victory for Americans, since the technology is far from new, and the technology all comes from Santa Clara, California. That’s clearly a boon for capitalism.

While the fans and power cables may have been sourced in China (no confirmation as of yet, they may have as likely come from Japan or India,) the chips powering the world’s fastest supercomputer are indeed nothing short of left-coast American bred. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Technology2 Comments

God Releases His Bible Tablet Beta 0.92

God Releases His Bible Tablet Beta 0.92

MT. ARARAT, ISRAEL —GlossyNews In a rather earth-shaking display today, God has brought the Burning World Bible Tablet to “My People on earth”, as he said in a poorly attended news conference called by Pope B*dict XVI by teleconference from the Vatican’s Starbucks. Continue Reading

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Posted in Religionism, Technology2 Comments

9-yr-old Klepto Arrested Again; Mom Blames Nintendo Wii

9-yr-old Klepto Arrested Again; Mom Blames Nintendo Wii

DES MOINES, Iowa – In a rather strange and disturbing case, a nine-year old boy was arrested on June 28, 2010 for stealing cigarettes from a local Wal-Mart. Although the boy is only nine years of age, he has had an extensive history of stealing beginning at the age of three.

This latest arrest is the fifty-fourth time that Stephen Hulk or “Stealin Stevie,” as his friends and family members refer to him, has been caught shoplifting in the past six years. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Technology0 Comments

Chevy Recalls 150,000 vehicles for Nocturnal Emissions Problem

Chevy Recalls 150,000 vehicles for Nocturnal Emissions Problem

Detroit, MI – GlossyNews.com – A worldwide recall for Corvette and Hummer vehicles has been officially announced, ending weeks of speculation by industry insiders and automotive experts. The recall addresses certain models that have been plagued, as Chairman Delany Forbes put it, ‘with levels of emissions that don’t meet federal standards, specifically nocturnal.’ The recall was announced by senior company executives and released to the automobile industry press today. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Technology0 Comments

IQ of iPhone 4 Buyers Related to Place in Line at iPhone Sale

IQ of iPhone 4 Buyers Related to Place in Line at iPhone Sale

Tawdry Soup has found the IQ level of iPhone 4 purchasers is directly related to the place in line each person had when the portable phones went on sale, and the figures are surprising.

In the survey, administered as Tawdry Soup walked down the line that snaked around the block from the local Apple electronics store, a field IQ test asked some basic questions such as, “Does Christmas and New Year’s Day ever fall in the same year and Who is the President of the United States?” Continue Reading

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, Technology1 Comment

Some Other Things You Didn’t Know Facebook Could Do

Some Other Things You Didn’t Know Facebook Could Do

INTERWEBS, Cyberspace (GlossyNews) — It has recently come to the attention of many Facebook users that there are things going on by Facebook management that (1) they didn’t authorize; and (2) they don’t really care about as long as they can post their most intimate secrets on their “walls.”

Some users though are realizing that they don’t really want the hassle of trying to figure out what it is that Facebook is doing behind their backs with their accounts, and millions are taking down their sites. Continue Reading

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Woman Sues Google After Attempting to Cross Street

Woman Sues Google After Attempting to Cross Street

Reno, NV (GlossyNews) — A Reno NV woman became the second person to sue Google because of an issue with Google Maps. Similar to an earlier action in Park City, UT, the woman, Eustancia Dumas is suing Google for poor directions related to the walking instructions Google offered. The woman claims that Google did not go into enough detail about how to cross the street.

Ms Dumas, who recently moved to Reno, consulted Google Maps to find a route to the local Piggly Wiggly. Dumas, who doesn’t drive and usually has others deliver her groceries, decided that the store was close enough for her to walk. She consulted Google Maps to offer her a walking route to the store, which was 3/4 of a mile down the sidewalk on the same street. Continue Reading

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Posted in Technology, Travel0 Comments

Video Forensic Guy Not a ‘Miracle Worker’

Video Forensic Guy Not a ‘Miracle Worker’

Chicago, IL – For the third time in as many days, Chicago Police Department forensic analyst Ted Hatcher confessed to being unable to magically extract high definition pictures from damaged, out-of-focus, and low resolution images.   Hatcher’s failure was met with disbelief and disappointment by police detectives and crime scene investigators standing around him in his unreasonably dark forensics lab. Continue Reading

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Posted in Crime, Technology2 Comments

Airplane Pilot Killed by iPod Listener Likely Never Heard Him

Airplane Pilot Killed by iPod Listener Likely Never Heard Him

Jersey City, NJ (GlossyNews) — A man listening to his iPod while learning to ride a rental 1967 Schwinn Fastback 5-speed tried desperately to gear down as he approached the tarmac just minutes before a Boeing 747 was set to take off. Even though the Schwinn’s gears were grinding loudly, the noise was not enough to warn the pilot, George Died, who had just gotten out to check the air in the right front tire of the plane.

“George noticed the plane pulling a little to the right when we taxied to the runway,” s Continue Reading

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