Archive | Technology

India Plans Space Station Call Ctr., How May It Help You?

India Plans Space Station Call Ctr., How May It Help You?

BANGALORE, INDIA (Glossy News) — India plans to launch its first manned space mission in 2016, moving to become the fourth nation to put a man in space (fifth if you count Russia and the USSR separately, which many cold warriors do) — but it comes with a peculiar pro-business twist.

The estimated cost for the single mission is currently at a reasonable $2.76 billion – or about $2.43 per Indian citizen (most of whom earn less than a dollar a year), given 2010 population statistics. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Technology11 Comments

Homeland Security Calls on Superman to Help Passenger Screening

Homeland Security Calls on Superman to Help Passenger Screening

In a move to help quell the uproar over airport full-body scanners, Department of Homeland Security chief Janet Napolitano put in a personal call to the Man of Steel asking for help, despite doubts about his very existence.

The growing backlash from passengers, pilots and airlines themselves has prompted an emergency meeting between the DHS and TSA to look for a solution just before the busiest holiday travel season of the year officially kicks off. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Technology, Travel2 Comments

Al Gore’s Zero-Carbon Auto Arrives in US; Pre-Sales Brisk

Al Gore’s Zero-Carbon Auto Arrives in US; Pre-Sales Brisk

Detroit, MI – GlossyNews.com – Ex-Vice President, internet wizard, and noted global climate expert, Al Gore, has unveiled a unique total-green automobile offering that could change the way Americans drive.

In collaboration with Tata Motors of India, Gore has invented a revolutionary vehicle that runs entirely on body odor and emits only a fraction of polluting hydrocarbons. Gore has named the first model after himself, who, according to at least one licensed massage practitioner, has an untapped “wealth of body odor.” Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Environment, Technology2 Comments

US wins Supercomputer Race w/ Record-Breaking Chinese Computer

US wins Supercomputer Race w/ Record-Breaking Chinese Computer

It was announced this week that China now owns the world’s fastest computer, which is a great victory for Americans, since the technology is far from new, and the technology all comes from Santa Clara, California. That’s clearly a boon for capitalism.

While the fans and power cables may have been sourced in China (no confirmation as of yet, they may have as likely come from Japan or India,) the chips powering the world’s fastest supercomputer are indeed nothing short of left-coast American bred. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Internets Tubes, Technology2 Comments

God Releases His Bible Tablet Beta 0.92

God Releases His Bible Tablet Beta 0.92

MT. ARARAT, ISRAEL —GlossyNews In a rather earth-shaking display today, God has brought the Burning World Bible Tablet to “My People on earth”, as he said in a poorly attended news conference called by Pope B*dict XVI by teleconference from the Vatican’s Starbucks. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Religionism, Technology2 Comments

9-yr-old Klepto Arrested Again; Mom Blames Nintendo Wii

9-yr-old Klepto Arrested Again; Mom Blames Nintendo Wii

DES MOINES, Iowa – In a rather strange and disturbing case, a nine-year old boy was arrested on June 28, 2010 for stealing cigarettes from a local Wal-Mart. Although the boy is only nine years of age, he has had an extensive history of stealing beginning at the age of three.

This latest arrest is the fifty-fourth time that Stephen Hulk or “Stealin Stevie,” as his friends and family members refer to him, has been caught shoplifting in the past six years. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Crime, Technology0 Comments

Chevy Recalls 150,000 vehicles for Nocturnal Emissions Problem

Chevy Recalls 150,000 vehicles for Nocturnal Emissions Problem

Detroit, MI – GlossyNews.com – A worldwide recall for Corvette and Hummer vehicles has been officially announced, ending weeks of speculation by industry insiders and automotive experts. The recall addresses certain models that have been plagued, as Chairman Delany Forbes put it, ‘with levels of emissions that don’t meet federal standards, specifically nocturnal.’ The recall was announced by senior company executives and released to the automobile industry press today. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Biz News, Technology0 Comments

IQ of iPhone 4 Buyers Related to Place in Line at iPhone Sale

IQ of iPhone 4 Buyers Related to Place in Line at iPhone Sale

Tawdry Soup has found the IQ level of iPhone 4 purchasers is directly related to the place in line each person had when the portable phones went on sale, and the figures are surprising.

In the survey, administered as Tawdry Soup walked down the line that snaked around the block from the local Apple electronics store, a field IQ test asked some basic questions such as, “Does Christmas and New Year’s Day ever fall in the same year and Who is the President of the United States?” Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, Technology1 Comment

Some Other Things You Didn’t Know Facebook Could Do

Some Other Things You Didn’t Know Facebook Could Do

INTERWEBS, Cyberspace (GlossyNews) — It has recently come to the attention of many Facebook users that there are things going on by Facebook management that (1) they didn’t authorize; and (2) they don’t really care about as long as they can post their most intimate secrets on their “walls.”

Some users though are realizing that they don’t really want the hassle of trying to figure out what it is that Facebook is doing behind their backs with their accounts, and millions are taking down their sites. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Technology0 Comments

Woman Sues Google After Attempting to Cross Street

Woman Sues Google After Attempting to Cross Street

Reno, NV (GlossyNews) — A Reno NV woman became the second person to sue Google because of an issue with Google Maps. Similar to an earlier action in Park City, UT, the woman, Eustancia Dumas is suing Google for poor directions related to the walking instructions Google offered. The woman claims that Google did not go into enough detail about how to cross the street.

Ms Dumas, who recently moved to Reno, consulted Google Maps to find a route to the local Piggly Wiggly. Dumas, who doesn’t drive and usually has others deliver her groceries, decided that the store was close enough for her to walk. She consulted Google Maps to offer her a walking route to the store, which was 3/4 of a mile down the sidewalk on the same street. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Technology, Travel0 Comments

Video Forensic Guy Not a ‘Miracle Worker’

Video Forensic Guy Not a ‘Miracle Worker’

Chicago, IL – For the third time in as many days, Chicago Police Department forensic analyst Ted Hatcher confessed to being unable to magically extract high definition pictures from damaged, out-of-focus, and low resolution images.   Hatcher’s failure was met with disbelief and disappointment by police detectives and crime scene investigators standing around him in his unreasonably dark forensics lab. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Crime, Technology2 Comments

Airplane Pilot Killed by iPod Listener Likely Never Heard Him

Airplane Pilot Killed by iPod Listener Likely Never Heard Him

Jersey City, NJ (GlossyNews) — A man listening to his iPod while learning to ride a rental 1967 Schwinn Fastback 5-speed tried desperately to gear down as he approached the tarmac just minutes before a Boeing 747 was set to take off. Even though the Schwinn’s gears were grinding loudly, the noise was not enough to warn the pilot, George Died, who had just gotten out to check the air in the right front tire of the plane.

“George noticed the plane pulling a little to the right when we taxied to the runway,” s Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Technology0 Comments

YouTube Goes Down — Bored Millions Panic

YouTube Goes Down — Bored Millions Panic

SAN BRUNO, CA (GlossyNews) — YouTube, the popular video networking site, was unavailable today due to technical difficulties. The site, which attracts millions of users from across the globe, was down for one hour while technicians attempted to rectify the problem. Bored, unemployed people everywhere awoke to the outage, and panicked.

“They were left to their own devices in attempting to fill the first few hours of their day,” said Stan Rossmore, head of the International Institute Of Boredom. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Science & Technologizzy, Technology, Top Stories0 Comments

Foursquare Survivor Badge Accidentally Awarded to Hundreds of ‘Unworthies’

Foursquare Survivor Badge Accidentally Awarded to Hundreds of ‘Unworthies’

AUSTIN, TX (GlossyNews) — Around 12:40 p.m. EST on March 22, the coveted Foursquare Survivor badge was awarded to hundreds of people simultaneously. Event organizers attributed the mass distribution to a glitch. Traditionally, the Foursquare staff have been very secretive about how to unlock the various badges, but told participants that the Survivor badge would be awarded to those attendees of Austin’s South by Southwest (SXSW) arts festival who made it back to the airport for their return flights. The few players who managed to survive called the situation insulting. The release of the badges to other unworthy participants drew angry protests within minutes. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Technology0 Comments

Microsoft Opens “E-Gates” On Mexico / US Border, Windows Unavailable

Microsoft Opens “E-Gates” On Mexico / US Border, Windows Unavailable

Laredo, TX – Returning from a recent business conference on immigration in Mexico City, Microsoft Chairman William Gates, the world’s richest man, flew over what will become the new “RioGrande BushWall” near Laredo, Texas. Having told reporters in Mexico earlier, “I’m a big believer that freedom is a good thing,” he also noted that flexibility of movement for skilled workers in his company could be a little important. Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Technology0 Comments

GM Introducing Biodegradable Cars

GM Introducing Biodegradable Cars

Detroit, Mich. (GlossyNews): General Motors Corporation announced today the release of a line of high-tech vehicles designed to meet the demands of environmentally conscious consumers, as well as the new federal green-technologies regulations. According to a company spokesman, “The new biodegradable car, made entirely of remaindered Crocs, will return GM to international prominence as a leader in innovative automobile technologies, and position the company for increased market share in both the international and domestic markets.” Continue Reading

Share

Posted in Technology2 Comments

Page 5 of 7« First...34567
Glossy News Exclusive Exposés


-- (SEE ALL GlossyNews.com Videos) --



Glossy News Fake Commercials!





Glossy News Podcast


(Listen on iTunes or Libsyn)


More Great Satire:

Check out links to even more of our friends...
Want to see Your Link Here?



Check This Out!

ca-dress.com shop dresses online

Recommended Sportsbook MyBookie.ag

Our Top Authors (last 30-days)



All of Our Categories:

Top Stories - Top Stories; Politics - Top Stories; Serious Commentary - Top Stories; World News - Top Stories; Biz News - Top Stories; War Zone | Horoscopes
Entertainment - Entertainment; Celebrity Gossip - Entertainment; Television - Entertainment; Music - Entertainment; Internet Tubes - Entertainment; Books, Newspapers & Misc - Entertainment; Movies
Society - Society; Health - Society; Crime - Society; Travel - Society; Crooked Cops - Society; Education - Society; Strange People - Society; Religionism - Society; Human Interest - Society; Kidz Zone
Science and Technology - Science and Technology; Science - Science and Technology; Technology - Science and Technology; Gadgets & Gizmos - Science and Technology; Environment
Sports - Sports; Scandals - Sports; Athletes - Sports; Events | All the Rest - News in Your Briefs - Making Headlines - Opinion/Editorial