How Monsanto Really Makes GMOs

So much controversy about GMOs, but there shouldn’t be because they really are great, as this exclusive GlossyNews video will show you.

GMO foods done do a hot topic. So where is it come from?

Inside the laboratory

To get GMO wheat, they start with fresh-banked artisanal breads. Then place it in this re-cookifier to reconstitute the parts.

Once it’s no longer golden brown, they take it out of the not-ovens and repair the cracks with this special tool

It is placed on time-out racks to simmer down and think about what they done. This man is some kind of retarded wizard.

A gas of proprietary chemicals is sucked into the chamber of secretes. Powder is de-installed and more slices and fistures are patched up.

The doughy substance contains non-GMOs that need to be rubbed off by hand.

Watch the Video

Then recombined with larger segments for ease of handling.

Bit by bit, the material is sucked off into this de-roller to revert it back into a more natural state, like Utah.

Workers then place these larger casings into flat pails where BPA can soak into the mix, permanently altering the DNA.

Larvae remove air packets from the coagulate to improve efficiency and reduce the cost of transport. The hot, gooey load is man-handled before being sucked up into a bin.

The operating temperature in the GMO theater is just over 100 degrees, though our legal department won’t let us say if that’s 100 degrees fahrenheit or centigrade.

It moves on 180-degrees to the Kelvin Coolage sector.

The putty disintegrates into a washy slurry, from which powders and liquids can easily be extracted.

Elements are further reduced by sheer force as you can see this man tool graping them down to their essential bits and pieces. It may look gross, but it’s only toxic to members of the animal kingdom.

Naturally occurring chalk is sucked from the mix using this special tube-hole, and water is removed as well.

The mixture is whipped and beaten like a noob in Call of Duty, with extra parts being sucked off by what experts call “Deine Mutter.”

More components are identified, separated, and removed, on the way to leaving only the GMO seeds.

Let’s take this outside

A special truck called a penta-digital toe sucker transfers the seeds for use in a roofless laboratory some call nature.

Retreating John Deere De-Combines plant up to 300 billion seeds per hour ensuring a bountiful harvest as well as colony collapse disorder.

Once seeds have been properly soiljaculated the fields are rendered fallow to prevent weeds, seed eagles and rhOdents from mooching off the land.

This mound-farm sits atop an active volcano flow, as well as a native burial ground. The equipment used looks like a robo-exterminator designed to end human life, and that’s pretty much what it is.

Soon it will turn slightly green before being plowed under thanks to USDA grants designed to ensure the world doesn’t have too much food.

But the amount paid in federal subsidies for NOT farming is based on how much they COULD HAVE grown, so the farmers come out the biggest winners thanks to Monsanto.

This man will destroy enough crops to feed the whole of Burundi for four months this week alone.

What they grow is worth more than life or gold, and thanks in part to the color, they call these seeds “blood diamonds”.

So next time you see some Monsanta protestors, you tell those commies that you can’t spell US of A without G, M and a whole lot of O.

Check out some of other “How REALLY Do” videos about things like Chicky Nuggets, Frank Wieners, Proper Condom Usage, Coca-Cola Fairlife Milk & Twinkies.

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Author: Brian White

Brian first began peddling his humorous wares with a series of Xerox printed books in fifth grade. Since then he's published over two thousand satire and humor articles, as well as eight stage plays, a 13-episode cable sitcom and three (terrible) screenplays. He is a freelance writer by trade and an expert in the field of viral entertainment marketing. He is the author of many of the biggest hoaxes of recent years, a shameful accomplishment in which he takes exceptional pride.