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Ichiro Suzuki Passes Drug Test, Fails Turing Test

Ichiro Suzuki Passes Drug Test, Fails Turing Test

When MLB teams acquire new players they expect their very best and this MLB offseason has featured an almost overwhelming amount of moves as teams try to upgrade their rosters and shift their focus in a new direction.

Since Ichiro entered the American major league with the Seattle Mariners in 2001, Ichiro has been a puzzle of great intrigue and interest.

Many of his teammates, notably Bret Boone, later had to drop out due to rigorous steroid testing.

Ichiro has been tested more than 50 times for performance enhancing drugs (steroid, hormones, blood doping, etc.) and has come up clean every time.

But there’s one test he’s managed to avoid all this while. The Turing Test.

Is Ichiro Suzuki a Robot

The short answer is obviously no, but the longer answer is that it may be too soon to tell.

At 2,844 hits since joining the big league in 2001, he’s amassed an amazing career. Almost super-human, some might say.

Before that, he had 1,278 in Japan over nine years. That puts him over 4,000 hits in his professional career spanning 22-years. That’s just not normal.

Ichiro’s Records Include

* Most hits, season: 262 (2004)
* Most hits by rookie, season: 242 (2001)

* Most consecutive seasons leading the league in hits: 5 (2006—2010)

* Most games with one or more hits, season: 135 (2001)

* Most seasons with 200 or more hits: 10 (2001—2010)

* Most consecutive seasons with 200 or more hits: 10 (2001—2010)

* Most consecutive stolen bases with no caught stealing, career: 45 (April 29, 2006—May 19, 2007)

* Only inside-the-park home run in MLB All-Star Game history: July 10, 2007, 1 on, off Chris Young, 5th inning, AT&T Park, San Francisco, CA (More
records listed here.)

Turing: The Only Test Ichiro Hasn’t Taken

Maybe Ichiro Suzuki is not a robot. That’s possible, but you’ll notice he’s never come out publicly to deny it. That says something.

He only speaks through a translator, even though he’s known English quite well for over a decade. Is that a buffer to his RAM?

Only time will tell, but having seen the era of steroids, I’d be happy to have been tricked into loving a robot for his natural abilities over a Hulk Smash sort of human for skills he only got through the magic of pharmacology.

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This post was written by

- who has written 176 posts on GlossyNews.com.

Dexter Sinistri is a famously centrist writer who has worked as a Hollywood correspondent for a number of leading publications since 2005. Though once a photographer, Mr. Sinistri struck out as a writer on all things celebrity, and he likes to consider himself a tremendous asset to Glossy News, though by most accounts, he has fallen somewhat short of this effort.

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