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Windows 8.1 Invites 100k Testers, Discards All Data

Windows 8.1 Invites 100k Testers, Discards All Data

Microsoft has undertaken the biggest Operating System test in history by inviting 100,000 users to labs around the world to test their new platfrom. More than 5 million pages of data was collected, all of which were discarded.

“It wasn’t easy to deal with all the data,” said project manager Abe Zeekstrom, “but after pulling it all together, we managed to do it.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Technology1 Comment

Report: 10% of Facebook Users Unaware Others Can See Their Posts

Report: 10% of Facebook Users Unaware Others Can See Their Posts

PALO ALTO, CALIF — In a recent Pew Research Center study, a reported 10% of Facebook users are oblivious to the fact that other people can see what they write.

The study alleges that of that 10% of naive morons, 50% are systematically confusing “statuses” with “private messages,” 35% are utterly uncertain about what a “facebook” is exactly, and the remaining 15% are simply illiterate. Continue Reading

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Posted in Technology1 Comment

Microsoft Office Assistant Finds New Life (comic)

Microsoft Office Assistant Finds New Life (comic)

Arguably one of the greatest inventions of software is the oft-forgotten fellow named “Clippy”. You remember him, he would constantly interrupt you when you were trying to do something productive.

If you started a document with the word “dear”, that worthless bucket of crap would show up to try to give you some completely useless advice you didn’t want, couldn’t use, and couldn’t figure out how to get rid of.

But in 2013, I became a cartoonist. Not a good one, mind you, but it is what it is. And in my world, Clippy still has some use.

To see all of my comics, including the many that have yet to be published, go to GlossyNews.com/c. It also includes details and commentary you won’t find anywhere else.

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Posted in Comics, Technology1 Comment

Report: Man Fails to Give Damn

Report: Man Fails to Give Damn

OCEAN CITY – Family, relatives, and friends are in mourning after a man announced he does not give a damn about life, the universe, or anything.

Morgan Carlyle, 46, made the announcement as he left his job at Burger Blast on Saturday, and has since been cooped up in his apartment by city hall, where he is attempting to avoid speaking to the press.

Recorded audio of the fateful moment reveals Carlyle’s blunt message to the country. “The simple reality is, I just don’t give a damn anymore. Nothing is going to change that — not even ecstasy.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Society, Technology0 Comments

Consumers Wowed by PNC “Free iPad” Promotion

Consumers Wowed by PNC “Free iPad” Promotion

Consumer circles are going wild over a new promotion being offered by PNC Bank to first-time clients who opt to open an account with the nationwide financial company.

Anyone who pays a non-refundable, $700 bank fee under the promotion is eligible to receive an Apple iPad, absolutely free of charge.

“What we are shooting for here is great value in every new customer’s experience with PNC Bank,” said Mark Maners, PNC’s chief marketing operative. Continue Reading

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Posted in Biz News, Technology0 Comments

N,. Korean Missile Found to be Powered by Diet Pepsi, Mentos

N,. Korean Missile Found to be Powered by Diet Pepsi, Mentos

A long range missile shot by North Korea over Japan on Sunday turned out to be a giant tube filled with Mentos and Diet Pepsi.

The missile shot sent fear through the Asian nations that perceive North Korea as a wild card capable of anything.

Country leader Kim Il Un claimed that the missile merely sent a communications satellite into orbit, but most believe that it was really a test of their long range missile capabilities. Continue Reading

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Posted in Technology, War Zone0 Comments

Jihadis Excited About Self-Driving Cars

Jihadis Excited About Self-Driving Cars

Jihad organizers, coordinators and enthusiasts met this week in San Antonio, Texas, to advance their myriad causes. A panel discussion entitled “Sub-Suicide Bombings” brought up an interesting possibility; autonomous cars.

Speaking from room 410 at the Henry B. Gonzalez Convention Center, Achmed Mumuhammed said, in response to a question about technology, “Once self-driving cars are on the streets, that will take over for suicide bombings.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, Technology2 Comments

Search Engine Scandal; Google Auto-Completes Your Racism

Search Engine Scandal; Google Auto-Completes Your Racism

Google offers an Auto-Complete feature. You start your search, they suggest what you might want to see, based on what others have searched… and Google thinks you’re a huge racist.

I searched almost every country in the world and what I found was… well, it was interesting to say the least. I wouldn’t go as far as to say “informative”, but it definitely speaks to prejudices, pre-conceived notions and bigotry-at-large. Continue Reading

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Posted in Internets Tubes, Technology15 Comments

Israel Kicks Off Palestinian Space Program

Israel Kicks Off Palestinian Space Program

An Exodus rocket launched three Israeli astronauts and 100 Palestinian refugees into orbit Wednesday, kicking off a ten-year mission to establish a permanent human colony on the surface of Mars.

The rocket roared into mostly clear skies from the Gaza Strip at 11:50 PM EET on February 20, 2013. Once in orbit, it will jettison a tiny capsule dubbed “Exodus I,” beginning a two-year journey to the Red Planet for the 100 Palestinians packed tightly inside. Then a larger capsule will return the three Israeli astronauts back to the safety of Earth. Continue Reading

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Posted in Technology, World News2 Comments

Study Finds Earth May Once Have Harbored Intelligent Life

Study Finds Earth May Once Have Harbored Intelligent Life

BOSTON, MA – A 5-year study carried out by Harvard University’s Geological department has determined that, at some point in its relatively recent history, the planet Earth likely supported intelligent life.

Analysis drawn from a collection of rock samples taken from our home planet’s equator has revealed traces of water dating back 20 years, prompting theories that advanced lifeforms – capable of cognitive behavior, intelligent discourse and logical debate – once existed on Earth. Continue Reading

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Posted in Science & Technologizzy, Technology1 Comment

Dean Chambers: A Look Into the Next 10 Years (Part 6)

Dean Chambers: A Look Into the Next 10 Years (Part 6)

Todays entry in our predictions from the future series comes from Dean Chambers, the conservative blogger and statistician famous for his staunchly pro-Romney predictions during the 2012 presidential election.

His expertise is in politics, so these are largely political predictions for 2023, but it’s a good read all around. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Technology6 Comments

Future Predictions 2023 – Vision of the Future (Part 4)

Future Predictions 2023 – Vision of the Future (Part 4)

Todays entry in our forward-looking future series comes from Fark user RexTalionis.

He had originally participated as part of the Fark series, but his answers were so good, so thorough and so professional, he got his own whole unique story. Continue Reading

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, Technology2 Comments

Aztecs Slam “Typical Stupid Mayans” When World Fails to End

Aztecs Slam “Typical Stupid Mayans” When World Fails to End

Many Aztecs throughout North and Central America rejoiced at the stroke of midnight December 22nd, 2012, as the world failed to end, in accordance with Mayan prophecy.

“Those stupid [beeping] Mayans. They’re just wrong about everything,” said Miguel Quattel, an Aztec living just south of Mexico City. “They were wrong about agriculture, they were wrong about the Spanish, and once again they came up stupid.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Society, Technology3 Comments

Prisoners In Mexico Can Reduce Their Prison Sentence By Producing Electricity

Prisoners In Mexico Can Reduce Their Prison Sentence By Producing Electricity

Mexico City – (SatireWorld.com)

Although prisons are intended as places where convicted criminals can pay their debts to society, confinement behind bars rarely yields anything other than the punishment alone.

But now, thanks to an innovative new initiative underway at a correctional facility in Mexico City, prisoners are being given the chance to slash their sentences while bringing a bit of light into the world, literally…by producing the electricity used to power city street lamps with some muscle power! Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment, Technology3 Comments

Greece Patents The Wheel

Greece Patents The Wheel

After Apple successfully suing Samsung for sharing the patented rectangle shape, the country of Greece has sought to ease their ongoing financial crisis by patenting the wheel.

The country could only manage to gain a patent over the everyday object in America were the US patent office stretches the very definition of the guidelines for a ‘novel and non-obvious idea’.

A spokesperson for the US patent office said that, in the case of Apple, the curving edges of the rectangular phone were so unique that they had to give Apple the patent. Continue Reading

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, Technology2 Comments

The iPhone 6

The iPhone 6

Consumer research has found that people are already anticipating the arrival of the iPhone 6.

It would seem that customers cannot wait to buy the iPhone 6 and have been putting off their upgrade to the iPhone 5, which was launched last week.

The Internet is already abuzz with rumours about what the iPhone 6 will be able to do. Some bloggers are speculating about the availability of 10G, which will build heavily on 4G, once it is invented. Continue Reading

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos, Technology2 Comments

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