Category: Entertainment
January 2014 GlossyNews Winners Announced
January GlossyNews Winners Announced We have the best satire staff in the game and it’s with glee I announce the winners of our January contest. There was a delay in the announcement caused by, you know, let’s say “factors.” A…
Duck Dynasty Unveils New Line Of Dog Whistle Calls
Dogpatch, LA – Willie Robertson, CEO and patriarch in waiting for the Duck Dynasty Empire has announced a new line of silent dog whistle calls for non hunters to be rolled out in 2014. The initial lineup will include four…
Denver’s Offensive Playbook Found
Rutherford, New Jersey – Following the Denver Broncos horrific 43-8 loss in Super Bowl XLVIII to the Seattle Seahawks at MetLife Stadium, fans were left scratching their heads trying to determine what happened to the NFL’s top ranked offense that…
Dennis Rodman Admits He May Have Tiger Blood Also
Dennis Rodman is in rehab. Big surprise after his latest trip to North Korea. Yeah, he got drunk, big whup. He was probably high as well on some good Korean ganga too. Anything papasan want? Anything? You name it Joe,…
Sober Russians Pose Security Threat At Sochi
Each week the Russian military, secret police and Sochi security authorities receive dozens of homemade videos made by ethnic Russians threatening terrorist attacks on innocent civilians at the Sochi Olympics. Almost all are dismissed as the drunken rankings of misfits,…
Phillip Seymour Hoffman’s Publicist Says Death’s Timing “Unlucky”
An impromptu poll in Variety Magazine Online has voted actor Phillip Seymour Hoffman “Unluckiest Person in the World” after dying of a heroin overdose on Superbowl Sunday. Hoffman, best known for his work in “Boogie Nights” and Oscar winning performance…
ill-Reputed, Reputedly ill Onion Writer Reported Dead
A highly respected writer for The Onion was found dead in near Fargo, North Dakota Thursday. The cause of death is still being investigated. The body of Kilroy Kovacs III, who went by the pseudonym “Kilroy”, was found in an…
ScarJo Quits OXFAM, Joins IDF
Tel Aviv, Israel – Possibly fearing career backlash over her eight year stint as official ambassador for international human rights organization OXFAM, Scarlett Johansson has decided to join the Israel Defense Forces (IDF). “I am very happy to be part…
Michael Jackson, Whitney Housten, Reportedly Still Dead
THOUSANDS of social media users were shocked to learn that ‘music legends’ such as Michael Jackson and Whitney Huston are still dead. The distressing news came throughout the months following the announcement of the pop idols’ deaths. Mourners took to…
George Zimmerman To Box Black Ewok
Alamo, TX – Boxing promoter Damon Feldman announced today he has inked a deal for cult neighborhood watch leader George Zimmerman to fight black dwarf actor Tony Cox in a celebrity boxing match to be held in Selma, Alabama on…