Sorry To Inform You, But This Whole Election Has Been a Scam

Sorry To Inform You, But This Whole Election Has Been a Scam

GlossyNews.com – My fellow Americans- I wish to prepare you for a great and unbelievable shock.

At least for most of you. Some have already realized what is happening.

Please sit down. This will be hard to take. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics1 Comment

US Vote Entire Gov. Out of Office; Celebrations Ring Through Streets

US Vote Entire Gov. Out of Office; Celebrations Ring Through Streets

American Voters Take Inspiration From Belgium and Get Rid of Their Government.

GlossyNews.com – American voters, sick of months of a rabid and bilious Presidential campaign, today on voting day made a decisive choice of getting rid of their government altogether on the write-in section of their ballots.

Scribbling in a ‘No More Government’ vote, they have essentially erased the Federal government from the books and from their lives. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics1 Comment

Famous Magazines Make Their (Stupid?) Presidential Endorsements

Famous Magazines Make Their (Stupid?) Presidential Endorsements

GlossyNews.com – With election day at hand magazines are getting in on the political action with endorsements, often ham-handed ones, of their own. While some are obvious (oh really? NYTimes went for Obama and Wall Street Journal went for Romney? I’m shocked!) others have been more nuanced. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics1 Comment

Fundi Preachers Scream “Liberal East Coasters” Caused Hurricane Sandy

Fundi Preachers Scream “Liberal East Coasters” Caused Hurricane Sandy

GlossyNews.com – Fundamentalist preachers have been crowing about how the fury of hurricane Sandy’s was leveled at the upper East Coast because of its sins and its liberal bias regarding the Presidential election.

“The wages of sin is death” was the essential theme of all their ranting. “When you support Sodomites and Gay marriage this is what you get!” said they as well. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics, Religionism2 Comments

Return of the Bride of ‘He Who Shall Not Be Named’

Return of the Bride of ‘He Who Shall Not Be Named’

GlossyNews.com – Mitch Couler, the Senior manager Of the Romney campaign in the D.C. area had recovered nicely from the seizures induced when he learned that both ‘He Who Shall Not Be Named’ and Dick Cheney both had come out in support of Romney and were insisting on delivering speeches in support of the candidate.

He came out of the illness so well, in fact, that he was able to return to work two days later, just a scant 9 days before the election. His recovery was soon to be curtailed, however, by “she who shall not be named.” Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics1 Comment

Mysterious Robo Calls Hound Voters Days Before Election

Mysterious Robo Calls Hound Voters Days Before Election

Mysterious robo-calls have been plaguing American households in massive amounts these last few days of the build up to the Presidential election.

Upon answering a heavily accented voice will announce “Love America or cleave it! Vote Hu Jintao for Plesident of USA! Remember- write in!”

or “Hu Jintao good for America! Make it more Capitalist!” Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics1 Comment

Intense Negativity From Election Drama Create Huge Psychic Whirlwind In Atlantic

Intense Negativity From Election Drama Create Huge Psychic Whirlwind In Atlantic

The generated heat created by battle between the two rivaling political parties vying for the U.S. Presidency has unleashed unforeseen consequences.

The constant turbulence from partisan hatred, scandalous accusations, frictional debate and just plain pissedness has caused a massive psychic turbulence that has formed over Washington and moved out over the Atlantic Ocean where it has congealed into a monstrous whirlwind which threatens to be the Mother of all hurricanes. Continue Reading

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Posted in Environment5 Comments

‘He Who Shall Not Be Named’ Creates Stress For Romney Campaigners

‘He Who Shall Not Be Named’ Creates Stress For Romney Campaigners

There was great tension at the Republican Campaign Headquarters that morning as the worker bees entered their office in D.C. As with every campaign, unexpected situations come up.

“’He Who Shall Not Be Named’” wants to endorse Romney.” stated Mitch Couler to the group, his face drawn and pained from the trials of running a difficult campaign that was getting down to the wire.

“Oh my God, no!” Marianne burst out, she always being the first one to grasp the entirety of situations. “That’s all we need now! Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics1 Comment

I, Rfreed, Hereby Announce My Candidacy For Dictator Of The United States

I, Rfreed, Hereby Announce My Candidacy For Dictator Of The United States

I, rfreed, hereby announce my candidacy for Dictator of the United States of America. I realize that this is a little late in the campaign season to be announcing this, but dictators don’t worry about such things. We know that as dictators, we can manipulate things in our favor.

In this case I have wisely waited until the other two candidates have successfully eliminated all others in their party to be the front runner, then waited for them to spend most of their campaign money and exhausting each other in political battle before jumping in the fray myself. I also waited until the debates were over because they would have creamed my butt. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics10 Comments

Airports Taking Customers For More of a Ride Than Ever

Airports Taking Customers For More of a Ride Than Ever

Airports, seeking to get more money out of passengers exiting through their gates on international flights, have come up with inventive new ways of sucking the money out of their pockets.

RIGHT: This is not a video, but a photo… but you can go on and keep clicking it if you like.

Most airports have already come up with the ingenious method of taking away all possible drinkable liquids under the assumption that Al Queda has developed a potent bomb made out of liquid that looks, smells and tasted like tap water, thus leaving the parched departee having to drink out of bathroom toilets and to lick his own sweat to avoid passing out (please note that long flights cause dehydration, a fact the dirty birds are well aware of.) Continue Reading

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Posted in Travel3 Comments

The People’s Republic of Uzupis Takes Political Independence to New Heights

The People’s Republic of Uzupis Takes Political Independence to New Heights

THE PEOPLE’S REPUBLIC OF UZUPIS – In 1991 the people of Lithuania declared their independence from the Soviet Union. In 1997 the people of Uzupis, a district of Vilnius, the capital of Lithuania, declared their independence from Lithuania and got it, sort of.

Uzupis is a quiet part of town on the far side of the Vilnele River, east of the old town of Vilnius. It is a small district composed of a hill with the Vilnele wrapping around three of its bordering sides.

RIGHT: The editor responsible for placing this photo has no idea what it is or what it’s supposed to mean, so settled on “High Five for Uzupis!”(CLICK PHOTO TO ENLARGE)

For centuries it was the neglected part of town, lacking in simple amenities like running water.

It was often the home for prostitutes, squatters and other undesirables. During Soviet times artists started to move in and make it theirs. After the throwing off the Russians things continued to simmer in Uzupis until finally on April 1, 1997 (please note the other famous significance of this particular day- it is no coincidence) they declared themselves a free state.

A Constitution was drafted, their own flag created, a President and Cabinet elected, their own currency and anthem created and a standing army of 11 to 14 hardy souls enlisted (since disbanded, probably from lack of usage.)

The Constitution of Uzupis is unique in the congresses of the world as we know it. Some of its dictates are:

Everyone has the right to die, but it is not an obligation.

Everyone has the right to make mistakes.

Everyone has the right to be happy.

Everyone shall remember their name.

Everyone is responsible for his freedom.

Everyone has the right to understand nothing.

Everyone has the right to appreciate his importance.

Uzupis appears to be doing better than in its sewerless days. Today here are nice shops, banks and restaurants there. The constitution is proudly displayed on a street wall in multiple languages along with the open hand symbol that stands for Uzupis.

A statue of an egg as symbol for the town has now been replaced by a more formal angel trumpeting the creative freedom of Uzupis, the egg having been moved to another local.

Another popular statue, that of a mermaid perched on a shelf, took a swim during a flood one year, and, once recovered, was given a safer perch to attend.

The hand with a hole in it is the symbol for the town and also makes up the Uzupis flag. It stands for the philosophy that in Uzupis no one can take anything from anyone else because the item taken would fall though the hole in the hand. Continue Reading

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Posted in Travel0 Comments

Iranian News Agency Goof: Thought Onion Spoof About Rednecks Liking Ahmajinadad was Real

Iranian News Agency Goof: Thought Onion Spoof About Rednecks Liking Ahmajinadad was Real

Note to readers, this article is an experiment in new software equipment that makes the material visible to the public reading audience as it is typed and being viewed by an editor.

It reflects an effort by the journalistic community to get the latest news and writings out to the reading community with as little delay and interference as possible. Continue Reading

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Internets Tubes4 Comments

These Are The Guys Who Are Going To Set The Nation Straight?

These Are The Guys Who Are Going To Set The Nation Straight?

Let me see if I got this straight:

We have a national election going on.
Only two guys are really running in it.
Both are spending obscene amounts of money to campaign for it.
Mostly other people’s money.
Both are putting the other one down. Constantly.
Both are making promises they can’t keep.
Both have to kowtow to what the public wants.
Both have to go along with what their party wants.
Both have to devote the majority of their daily time to publicizing themselves for this election.
Both have to have lived lives virtually entirely bereft of scandal to have a chance at winning.
Both refuse to acknowledge the others good points. Continue Reading

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Posted in Politics1 Comment

Lewd, Lascivious Lawyer Legal Literature

Lewd, Lascivious Lawyer Legal Literature

A LEWD, LASCIVIOUS LOOK AT OUR LOCAL LAW LIBRARY.

They say that lawyers are a breed apart. In fact, we should wonder if they should really even be considered a part of the human species at all, especially as evidenced by a peek at these books found at our local campus law library:

Famous Humanistic Lawyers

A three page book; one of those being the title page and the other the Table of Contents. Continue Reading

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Posted in Education1 Comment

Sofia Vergara Reveals Formerly Hidden Talents At The Emmy Awards

Sofia Vergara Reveals Formerly Hidden Talents At The Emmy Awards

The Emmy Awards got a huge ratings boost right in the middle of the program when Sofia Vergara’s already revealing dress ripped to expose even more luscious skin.

The curvaceous star was already noteworthy wearing a perhaps too-form fitting green Zuhair Murad dress that suddenly decided it could no longer restrict the bounties of Ms. Vergara’s nature and burst open to reveal some of her long withheld assets.

Men across the country, long dismissive of the Emmy’s as ‘women’s stuff’, suddenly experienced an intense interest in the television arts and tuned in hurriedly to partake of the star of Modern Family’s ‘art’.

The Emmy’s rating poll shot up 300 percent at 8:35 PM last night approximately 2 minutes after Ms. Vergara’s clothing malfunction as the Tweets went out in droves and caused barroom TV’s to rapidly switch from the football game to Sofia’s dire straits.

A large part of the uptick was believed to have been post adolescent young men tuning in to learn something about the female anatomy that still mystified them and knowing that Vergara would be the most excellent example to learn from.

Sofia’s fiancé Nick Loeb virtuously covered her back (side) as she shimmied off to get her gown fixer upper to cover her a— for her, much to the dismay of the half of the men in the audience who were not gay. “Here I thought we were going to have some really worthwhile material on television for a change!” stated David Letterman, who was then told to sit down and shut up by his wife.

Revealed in the disruption was a hitherto unknown bit of body art that Sofia had in the form of a cupid aiming an arrow at her innermost recesses. The imagination can only vaguely conjure what delights are still hidden therein.

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Posted in Television1 Comment

Third Party Candidates Experience the Shaft

Third Party Candidates Experience the Shaft

Forget the 2012 election. The path to it is already littered with debris.

The problem with our two party system is that it concentrates political power into two narrow, easily manipulated, easily controlled channels. And it pushes very worthy challengers from less powerful parties out of the picture.

This has dramatically happened now in two of our most recent elections. Twice in past few years we have had first rate candidates who had sterling records and excellent qualities pushed aside and ignored in the primaries. Continue Reading

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Posted in Serious Commentary3 Comments

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