Author: It's A Cat
Miley Proposes Soap as Weapon of Mass Destruction
Los Angeles, California – Since her celebrated beginnings in Nashville, Tennessee, as the daughter of country singer, Billy Ray Cyrus, Miley Cyrus has experienced a radiant career that has taken her from the Disney Channel to the big stage at…
Aaron Hernandez Murder Weapon Found
Gainesville, Florida – Following the surprise release of a photo showing former New England Patriots tight end, Aaron Hernandez holding a BS-47 assault rifle, local police released a statement Wednesday that they have located the weapon used to kill Odin…
Latest String of Shark Attacks Leaves Baskets Empty
Willow Grove, Pennsylvania – Wait-staff at the popular restaurant chain, Olive Garden, are suffering the aftermath from a recent string of Great White Shark attacks off the New Jersey coastline as more and more breadsticks, the complimentary item served to…
Writer Fired for Printing Mangelina Jolie Hung by Brad Pitt’s Hair
Los Angeles, California – Former feature writer, Larry McSwag, of the newspaper known as the Los Mangeles Times was fired Monday for writing then printing an article that misspelled the name of celebrated actress, Angelina Jolie, referring to her as…
Bieber Fans Rejoice After Pizza Grease Reveals Deceased Singer’s Image
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania – Justin Bieber fans everywhere celebrated the passing of arguably the greatest performer in American history this weekend when pizza grease on a napkin at BoBo’s Pizza Kitchen in South Philadelphia revealed a clear image of the late…
Denver’s Offensive Playbook Found
Rutherford, New Jersey – Following the Denver Broncos horrific 43-8 loss in Super Bowl XLVIII to the Seattle Seahawks at MetLife Stadium, fans were left scratching their heads trying to determine what happened to the NFL’s top ranked offense that…
Tailgator Arrested
Gainesville, Florida – Police enforcement adjacent to the University of Florida announced Thursday that they made an arrest in a case brought to their attention by a concerned citizen. The police received a 911 call Saturday morning that a disorderly…
Luke Wilson Gives Dismembering Performance
Los Angeles, California – It is no secret that Luke Wilson’s once brilliant movie career has been in a steady decline since starring in the delightful comedy, Old School, alongside Will Ferrell and Vince Vaughn in 2003. “Pills, hookers and…
New Jersey Replaces Groundhog Day with Chris Christie Day
Trenton, New Jersey – Acknowledging the demand of its residents, New Jersey will become the first state to replace the once popular, February 2nd holiday, Groundhog Day, with what will now be known as Chris Christie Day, in honor of…
Colorblind Woman Cries After Reading The Onion
Napsanotices, Illinois – Following the advice of her trustworthy coworker on Tuesday, 27 year old, Jane DeWitt of the suburbs just outside of Chicago decided to purchase the ingredients for a roast brisket in order to comply with her coworker’s…