Author: It's A Cat
Cooper Brand Pooper Scoopers are Super-Duper Cooper Scoopers
Montgomery County, Pennsylvania – Assisting residents in cleaning up the debris left behind from their crushed dreams of having locally born celebrity, Bradley Cooper, win an Academy Award are Cooper Industries’ pooper scoopers that have been flying off the shelves…
Breadsticks Power Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Remake
New York City, New York – Heroes in a half shell, breadstick power! This is the updated catchphrase in the newest remake of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, scheduled to be released in the United States on August 8th. The film…
Johnny Depp Unveils Breadlocks as Disney Announces Latest Sequel
Burbank, California – The Walt Disney Company made an exciting announcement over the weekend promoting their latest sequel in the Pirates of the Caribbean movie franchise that doubles as a poignant tribute to the recently extinct Olive Garden restaurant chain….
N.B.A. Furious Over Sterling’s Comments
Los Angeles, California – Three days after a recording emerged of Clippers Owner, Donald Sterling making racist comments set off a fury of angry reactions from past and current NBA players, an extended recording has been released involving a new…
Screwdriver Borrowed, Returned
Reading, Pennsylvania – At least one professional is dumbfounded following the completion of two transactions between neighbors in the dorms of Albright College on North 13th Street. Students Sean Chaigarvsky and Michael Kellner have lived next to one another for…
Donovan McNabb Cardboard Cutout Eludes Police
Mesa, Arizona – Only days after the real Donovan McNabb was detained by local police enforcement, a six-foot cardboard cutout of the former NFL star continues to evade even the most physically fit officers. “I’ve never seen him move so…
Pothole Filled: DeSean Jackson Gypped
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania – In response to the demand of residents living on Broad Street in Center City, Mayor Michael Nutter has filled a giant pothole, while simultaneously taking a step forward in a city-wide effort to legalize marijuana. “Today, Philadelphia…
Tiger Breadsticks His Way Back Into The Masters
Jupiter Island, Florida – Despite withdrawing from the Masters earlier in the week after having unavoidable back surgery, Tiger Woods unexpectedly announced Thursday evening that he is back in the tournament and credits “the almighty breadstick” for helping him make…
Original Cast of Jaws Reunites for Breadsterastyx, Adds Eddie Murphy
Hollywood, California – In an exciting turn of events on Thursday, DreamWorks Studios announced that it has finished filming a new movie in honor of the fallen Olive Garden restaurant chain and the prehistoric dinosaur that started it all, Breadsterastyx….
Facing Extinction, Olive Garden Traces Dinosaur’s Demise For Answers
70 Million years ago in modern day Orlando, Florida – It is a warm, sunny afternoon during the Cretaceous Era as Breadsterastyx, a close relative of Triceratops, feasts on a large garden filled with ferns and wildflowers, while closely watching…