ISIS Is Looking For A Few Screwed-Up Men………And Women

A Note From The Editor- Due to current difficult economic situations and due to pressure from First Amendment Rights groups Glossy News must unfortunately include ads in our article runs. These ads do not necessarily reflect the opinions and thoughts of Glossy News or its publisher.

It could, however, reflect not only the opinions but also the half-brained philosophy of some of our writers, many of whom I personally know to be Godless Communists and flipped out weirdos. It is with extreme trepidation that the following ad is presented: Read more ISIS Is Looking For A Few Screwed-Up Men………And Women

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NFL Introduces New Team Name: Matthew McConaughey Celebrates with a Footlong

Washington, D.C. – Ending a long debate over the controversial name of one of its teams, the National Football League announced this week that the Washington Redskins will now be known as the Washington Breadskins.

Originally established in 1932, the franchise has maintained the same mascot for more than 82 years.

However, a recent flurry of protests by the Oneida Indian Nation, most recently during a game on November 2nd when the Redskins played the Minnesota Vikings, helped expedite the change. Read more NFL Introduces New Team Name: Matthew McConaughey Celebrates with a Footlong

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America Responds To Kim Jong Un; “Thank You For Saving Us From Watching This Stupid Stoner Movie”

Americans were especially thankful to North Korea and Kim Jong Un this Holiday season for saving them from watching yet another stupid pot-head movie.

“It saved me ten bucks in ticket prices and another eight in popcorn and soda,” stated John Gawker from Greeley Colorado. “Watching movies like this is like riding a sled downhill and purposely plowing into trees! It gives you the same sort of headache.” Read more America Responds To Kim Jong Un; “Thank You For Saving Us From Watching This Stupid Stoner Movie”

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Joan Rivers Makin’ Em Laugh in Hell

Comedienne Joan Rivers may have died last week following complications from plastic surgery, but that doesn’t mean she’s slowed down or lost her edge.

The eighty-one year-old comic, known for her bitchy attitude, is still makin’ ’em laugh in the after world. The dead comedian was quickly sent straight to Hell, where she is expected to stay for some time. Read more Joan Rivers Makin’ Em Laugh in Hell

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Lorde’s New Songs Leaked

Lorde’s newest songs have been leaked to the media. A secret snitch sent along a copy of the eighteen year-old New Zealander’s latest songs.

The source says “Little White Yugos” is likely to be at least a moderate success on the pop charts. “All the songs are rap songs,” goes the first verse.

“All about big cars/But my friends don’t ride in Cadillacs/They drive little white Yugos/Little white Yugos/Yugos/Or they ride the bus.” Sing along to the tune of “Royals” and you’ll get the idea. Read more Lorde’s New Songs Leaked

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Lessons from This Year in Tech and Fashion

Tech is the new fashion. If that was ever in doubt, ask the editors from Vogue, Marie Claire and other fashion magazines who attended the Apple Watch launch in Cupertino, CA, instead of covering New York Fashion Week (NYFW).

​The fashion and technology worlds have more in common than some people realize. One is a cut-throat industry, fueled by gossip and petty jealousies, the search for the next big thing and the need to stay ahead of look-a-like designs – and the other is the fashion business. Read more Lessons from This Year in Tech and Fashion

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