Sony Counter-Hacks North Korea: All 23 Computers Go Dark

On December 21st the entire Internet in North Korea was shut down by a major cyber attack. (Note- a major cyber attack in the Communist state would be the equivalent of accidentally pulling out your plug on an old Commodore computer in any other country, say Peru).

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The attack seems to be linked to the North’s former cyber victim- Sony Pictures Corporation.

The devastating attack, which shut down North Korea’s Missile Defense System of all three missiles mounted on giant slingshots aimed at Seoul, Tokyo and the home of the South Park guys in Hollywood who made the Team America movie, the electrical grid of Pyongyang consisting of 500 car batteries mounted in tandem and a giant lightning rod.

The local television station that had to drop its daily programming from four to two hours, and, fortunately to the relief of its harassed citizenry, the shutting down of the constant barrage of propaganda from the mandatory radios fixed in everyone’s kitchen that could not be turned off manually.

The outage also shut down the capitals only Internet cafe angering all two people with private computers in the whole country there, the countries hacking school and the vacuum tube computers they practiced upon and, in the incident that raised the most anger, disrupted Kim Jong Un during a particularly exhilarating match of Grand Theft Auto with his concubine of the day.

Sony Corporation, which has been fingered as the culprit in this venture by Interpol police studying the event, has not made a statement about what happened, but has somehow been able to publish through social media hundreds of selfies made by Kim Jong Un of himself in various colors of Speedos in his bathroom mirror.

That combined with the release of all the North Korean military’s deepest secrets on the TV show America’s Best Home Videos has the dictator of the hermit kingdom livid.

In radio broadcasts sent out once the North was able to tap into electric and Internet cables just north of their border with China, Kin Jong Un himself could be heard shrieking at the top of his lung capacity that “Sony would soon boil in a sea of their own blood while their offspring were tossed to orca whales and their wives sold to ISIS as whores and given to brothels in Russia.

“That all Japan would be blown to the North Pole by an onslaught of missiles that would make them wish for 1,000 Hiroshimas instead and that their island would sink like Atlantis from the filth of its own people. That all America would be seized by terrorist hatred and all Americans would die on the end of bloody knives held by foreigners blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada…”

As a final insult Sony hacked into their television programming with an unchangeable, translated into Korean loop of ‘The Interview’ showing unendlingly night and day on everyone’s television set (all 3,000 of them).

Shares of Sony stock soared to new heights the day after.

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3 comments on “Sony Counter-Hacks North Korea: All 23 Computers Go Dark

  1. BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!!- The whole thing was a set up!
    The hacking and the threats were done to drive up interest in the film.
    Kim is getting a big cut from the increased movie revenue and downloads. It is greater than the entire GNP of North Korea!

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