NFL Introduces New Team Name: Matthew McConaughey Celebrates with a Footlong

Washington, D.C. – Ending a long debate over the controversial name of one of its teams, the National Football League announced this week that the Washington Redskins will now be known as the Washington Breadskins.

Originally established in 1932, the franchise has maintained the same mascot for more than 82 years.

However, a recent flurry of protests by the Oneida Indian Nation, most recently during a game on November 2nd when the Redskins played the Minnesota Vikings, helped expedite the change.

The updated designation will stand as an everlasting tribute to America’s beloved restaurant chain, the Olive Garden, which died off earlier this year due to overbreading.

Since then, hundreds of organizations, animal rights groups and even the United States Government have taken the initiative to honor the Olive Garden and the item that was once served complimentary with the purchase of any entrée or as a part of the soup and salad lunch option.

NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell has been under fire since the November 2nd protest to either change the team name or completely retire the franchise. “I think we found a solution that satisfies everyone,” Goodell said, while slicing through a hairy coconut with a sharpened knife in his New York office.

“After thoughtful consideration, the NFL decided to go with Breadskins to end the controversy and honor a fallen restaurant that was annihilated by the overbreading devastation,” added a tearful Goodell.

“It needed to happen,” said Actor Matthew McConaughey. who grew up watching the team and recently made a large donation to the organization so a footlong hotdog, served on an imitation Olive Garden breadstick, could be added to the FedEx Field menu. “I am thrilled to celebrate the new name as it serves as an everlasting tribute to a great restaurant,” added McConaughey.

The team logo has been approved by the NFL board and will be fully implemented by the start of the 2015 season.

Author: It's A Cat

The Cat has always been a great mystery on GlossyNews. Not easily recognized by the naked eye, it publishes in the dead of night and bites like an alligator gar. To stay up to date with the Cat, please visit and follow the Cat on Twitter @itsacatcomedy

11 thoughts on “NFL Introduces New Team Name: Matthew McConaughey Celebrates with a Footlong

  1. True, while Matthew’s comments are appreciated, let us not forget about the true hero, the breadstick!

  2. That’s such a touching statement Mr. McConaughey. I can honestly say I will never spell your name wrong again after writing this article lol

  3. I have to set the record straight, it’s less than a foot long. The stadium said they couldn’t handle something that big even though I can take my bigger ones than that. Long live the Breadskins!

  4. I guess the mascot name switch is in progress now. The Redskins played like they had breadsticks up their butts yesterday. Three day old ones.

  5. I remember my first Hollywood footlong, when Marlon Brando shoved a basket of breadsticks down my throat

Comments are closed.