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NFL Introduces New Team Name: Matthew McConaughey Celebrates with a Footlong

NFL Introduces New Team Name: Matthew McConaughey Celebrates with a Footlong

Washington, D.C. – Ending a long debate over the controversial name of one of its teams, the National Football League announced this week that the Washington Redskins will now be known as the Washington Breadskins.

Originally established in 1932, the franchise has maintained the same mascot for more than 82 years.

However, a recent flurry of protests by the Oneida Indian Nation, most recently during a game on November 2nd when the Redskins played the Minnesota Vikings, helped expedite the change.

The updated designation will stand as an everlasting tribute to America’s beloved restaurant chain, the Olive Garden, which died off earlier this year due to overbreading.

Since then, hundreds of organizations, animal rights groups and even the United States Government have taken the initiative to honor the Olive Garden and the item that was once served complimentary with the purchase of any entrée or as a part of the soup and salad lunch option.

NFL Commissioner, Roger Goodell has been under fire since the November 2nd protest to either change the team name or completely retire the franchise. “I think we found a solution that satisfies everyone,” Goodell said, while slicing through a hairy coconut with a sharpened knife in his New York office.

“After thoughtful consideration, the NFL decided to go with Breadskins to end the controversy and honor a fallen restaurant that was annihilated by the overbreading devastation,” added a tearful Goodell.

“It needed to happen,” said Actor Matthew McConaughey. who grew up watching the team and recently made a large donation to the organization so a footlong hotdog, served on an imitation Olive Garden breadstick, could be added to the FedEx Field menu. “I am thrilled to celebrate the new name as it serves as an everlasting tribute to a great restaurant,” added McConaughey.

The team logo has been approved by the NFL board and will be fully implemented by the start of the 2015 season.

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11 Responses to “NFL Introduces New Team Name: Matthew McConaughey Celebrates with a Footlong”

  1. George Clooney says:

    The footlong was my idea! I can eat more footlongs than McConaughey any day of the week!

  2. pumpernickle jones says:

    Its about time the breadsticks get to the nfl

  3. Freddy "The Slice" Focaccia says:

    Dey jus betta cover the spread, that’s all I gotta say!

  4. George Clooney says:

    I remember my first Hollywood footlong, when Marlon Brando shoved a basket of breadsticks down my throat

  5. Kilroy says:

    I guess the mascot name switch is in progress now. The Redskins played like they had breadsticks up their butts yesterday. Three day old ones.

  6. Oliver Gardener says:

    To avoid the current controversy the team should change its name to the Washington Olive Skins.

  7. FreeMann says:

    Yeah they did lol. I can’t really talk though as they raped the Eagles last week

  8. Philly Fan says:

    Eagles got Philly Cheesed!

  9. Matthew McConaughey says:

    I have to set the record straight, it’s less than a foot long. The stadium said they couldn’t handle something that big even though I can take my bigger ones than that. Long live the Breadskins!

  10. FreeMann says:

    That’s such a touching statement Mr. McConaughey. I can honestly say I will never spell your name wrong again after writing this article lol

  11. Lindsay Bahkedfriesh says:

    True, while Matthew’s comments are appreciated, let us not forget about the true hero, the breadstick!

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