Angry Liberals Vow to Open New Chain of Stores Called ‘Snobby Lobby’

Boston – Liberals are seething over the Supreme Court decision which allows Hobby Lobby to not have to offer certain birth control products which they believe induce abortions and which violate their religious beliefs.

Hateful people took to twitter after the decision was announced and threatened to “burn down Hobby Lobby stores across the country.”

The usual knee-jerk reaction on the left is usually to shout names and threaten physical violence whenever they don’t get their way, so this was no surprise.

The group who claim to be the most tolerant people on the planet always show their true colors, and their fangs, when others don’t see things their way.

Finally, after a day of venting across social media, cooler heads are prevailing and the blessed tolerant among us have decided to fight fire with fire.

Groups of liberals across the country are pooling their resources to open a brand new store called ‘Snobby Lobby.’ If the store does well, fans hope to expand to a chain of stores in all the liberal hotbeds across the country.

DNC spokesperson, Debbie What’s-her-name-Schultz, announced the stores would cater to the uppity types who think they’re smarter than everyone else and would sell only politically correct products that don’t offend one single person on the planet.

Pretentious, useless products that were manufactured using only green technology methods would be allowed for sale in the stores. Parking lots at the stores would only paint spaces big enough for Prius’, Fiat Pop’s and Smart cars that run on lawnmower engines.

Each store would house 8 Starbuck’s locations so patrons would never be more than thirty paces from the next ‘grande iced half caf triple mocha latte macchiato’, lest they collapse before reaching the next bean bag chair lounging area.

The stores will have stages featuring the newest, most annoying and terrible artists playing their music that no sane person would want to listen to.

The Slacker department will feature weed for sale, even in states where it isn’t currently legal, as well as a fully stocked section featuring sex toys and free condoms.

Bibles are forbidden from the store but every type of birth control known to man will be available at a discount rate.

In the back of the store, free abortions will be performed at the Wendy Davis Spa Shop. On Saturdays, one lucky shopper whose name is drawn will receive an abortion from Wendy herself!

Schultz added, “We had hoped the Supreme Court would help us hasten the moral decay of the country but, since they didn’t, we will take matters into our own hands.”

If all goes well, the company plans to also open stores in New York City, Chicago, Denver, San Francisco, Seattle and Austin.

On a side note, most don’t plan on things going well. Expect the first store to open, lose money, and close its doors within three months. Another utopian dream will have bitten the dust.

Author: E. Williams

Just a smart ass by nature who uses humor as a defense mechanism to get through this wonderfully confusing thing we call life. Trying to make people laugh is pretty cool. Succeeding at it is the very best! That's it. What more do you people want from me?!