Scientists: Potheads Cannot Recognize Connection between Their Stash & Murderous Drug Cartels

Scientists have finally proven that there is a big disconnect in the minds of those heavily into pot.

It has been long suspected that marijuana use has negative effects upon the brains and bodies of partakers, a claim equally long denied by the users.

“It is obvious from our recent studies that pot users cannot distinguish reality from fiction.” put forth William Smartguy, head researcher at the Westmoreland Clinic for Studying Dopes and Dope Fiends.

“Despite years of reports coming out of Mexico and Latin America of the atrocities committed by cartels involved in the marijuana trade they cannot escape their idea that weed is a harmless plant that makes everyone a happy hippie.”

Doctor Smartguy performed experiments on hundreds of test subjects none of whom could see the connection between the viscous cartels and the delivery of their oh-so-precious weed that had become their very reason for living. “It doesn’t matter how many beheadings, acid baths, hangings or shootings go on down there or even in the U.S., they either cannot see how they are connected to their usage or refuse to.”

“Reality denial seems to come with constant pot usage. Why, we even had one guy who cut off his foot while mowing high and kept going, refusing to listen even when his wife picked it up and showed it to him.”

“Just to give an example of how strong this refusal to recognize facts is, we did an experiment where we shipped a few of these test subjects down below the border with t-shirts on that said “Cartels suck!” and “American pot only!” on them, let them smoke up and set them free. We were able to see through micro cameras we had on them that these guys didn’t even wake up to reality while the cartel strong-arms were hacking them to pieces with machetes.”

In another experiment subjects were shown actual footage of cartel executions with head shots and beheadings and the bodies being dropped in tubs of acid afterwards to get rid of the evidence. All the participants had to say was “Cool, man!Awesome flick! Is that out on video yet?”

In closing Doctor Smartguy said to us that the only answer he could see to solve this problem would be for the pharmaceutical companies to invent a drug that would return a sense of reality to the users of drugs. This statement sent a shock of fear into all of the test participants, almost causing them to riot. “A drug that makes us see reality? Why, that is what we were trying to escape from when we used drugs in the first place!” said one participant in horror.

Author: rfreed

I was born and I died. Being a disembodied entity makes it very cheap for me to get by. Not having to worry about eating or having a place to live gives me a lot of freedom to squander my time writing occasionally funny articles. See more almost funny stuff at

10 thoughts on “Scientists: Potheads Cannot Recognize Connection between Their Stash & Murderous Drug Cartels

  1. Sorry folks, but everything I’m finding indicates that the southern cartels are still heavily into the pot trade.

  2. MM is incorrect. The Mexican Cartels easily utilize the short transportation distance along the border and simply let
    internal cartels to transport within the U. S. borders. U.S. production cannot match the sheer volume of Cartel pot. It may not be the primary cash cow but it’s meat and potatoes cash flow.

  3. I’ll check into what you say MM. I originally thought cartels had nothing to do with pot, then was surprised when I constantly read accounts of cartel seizures involving pot.
    My impression when I wrote this was that they were still heavy into the marijuana too.
    Further research shall be made.

  4. I’m not in favor of drugs of any kind, even alcohol. That’s just me. But to assume drug cartels are one stop shopping for all drugs is a bit of a stretch.

    Marijuana is a hindrance to Cartels who can smuggle crack, crank, heroin and opium which have a multiplier of hundreds of times the value of a bulky load of smelly pot. While the Mexican cartel you are referring to may indeed ALSO smuggle pot, it is by no means the bulk of their business. They’d go broke trying to compete with West Virginia!

    These cartels supply a mere fraction of the marijuana American’s consume. Look north to Canada for your main pot supplier for the U.S. or our own backyards. But it’s a little alarmist to equate pot
    as the primary contributor to cartel violence and try and draw a direct connection to marijuana consumption.

    Or in all fairness…maybe not. Look at what exposing the Blood Diamond connection did to the diamond market. On second thought…nevermind.

    I’m thinking of doing a piece on alcohol deaths and show some vehicular homicide pictures. You up for that? People just fail to comprehend how the Jack Daniels Cartel contributed to the death of their loved ones.

    Having said that, I thought this was a thought provoking and well written piece that made a good point: “Buy drugs, finance terrorism. Any questions?”

  5. Thanks for the compliments.
    But in all seriousness while looking for a photo for this article I came across one were the cartels now no longer just cut off someone’s head but now skin the face off their victim too.
    These are the sort of people who are supplying Americans their drugs.

  6. Very cynically amusing. You do realize that most pot smokers are their own cartel don’t you though? That ain’t a tomato plant in their backyard.

    There’s more violence surrounding their custom Cthulhu sweatshirt from Pakistan than their pot connection. But don’t you love that low, low price?

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