Month: May 2014
New Study Shows the Mexican Cartel to Be “Bunch of Homos(exuals)”
A new study done by the Political Association of Immigration Soldiers and American Students reveals the Mexican Cartel, the same people that love to molest its house rats (no, not their children), to be having mass intercourse with one another.
Media Hungry Johnny Manziel says, “I’m Gay Too”
Not to be shown up in this year’s NFL’s draft, Johnny Manziel, aka Johnny Football has announced that he’s gay too. After the media frenzy over the St. Louis Rams drafting the first openly gay football player Michael Sam, Manziel…
CNN’s Anderson Cooper Interviews Donald Sterling
In his first public statements and media interview, Anderson Cooper sits down with LA Clippers owner Donald Sterling. Cooper – So Mr. Sterling, what do you think happened to Flight 370? Sterling – When I listen to that tape, I…
White House Laments Roosevelt Didn’t Have #HitlerSucks in 1940’s, Could Have Shortened War
Washington D.C. – Sixteen year-old White House Spokesman, Jay Carney, commented in today’s presidential press briefing that it was a shame the Roosevelt administration didn’t have the benefit of hashtags in the early days of World War II so they…
“Yucky World” with Dick and Janey (^-^) Today’s issue: Sex with a subordinate?
Announcer: Monica Lewinsky was recently interviewed about her affair with former President Bill Clinton. Dick and Janey’s guest today on “Yucky World” will be Hedda Enabler, spokesperson for the National Association of Disorganized Women. They will be discussing the fact…
‘American Idol’ Becomes Proving Ground for Future Politicians After Aiken Congressional Run
Los Angeles – Ryan Seacrest announced this morning that, due to former American Idol finalist Clay Aiken’s close results in his bid to win a congressional seat in North Carolina, the show would transition to a clearinghouse for all future…
Koch Bros. Buy Democratic Party, Harry Reid Short Circuits
Washington, D.C. – The Koch Brothers have had it with Harry Reid, the Senate Majority Leader from Nevada, and his constant railing against the brothers every time he props himself up against the podium on the floor of the Senate…
Michelle Obama Debuts New College Degree Plan at Rutgers: Professional Vacationer
New Brunswick, NJ – Smiling, and without a care in the world, FLOTUS showed up at Rutgers University today to unveil a brand new academic program she is credited with creating, in conjunction with the Board of Regents, that should…
“Yucky World” Guest Topic: Is government product safety running amok?
Announcer: Some people believe the federal government is going overboard in its efforts to protect us from hurting ourselves. “Yucky World” talk show hosts Dick and Janey will be discussing this issue with their guest, Consumer Protection Agency representative Miss…
Johnny Depp Unveils Breadlocks as Disney Announces Latest Sequel
Burbank, California – The Walt Disney Company made an exciting announcement over the weekend promoting their latest sequel in the Pirates of the Caribbean movie franchise that doubles as a poignant tribute to the recently extinct Olive Garden restaurant chain….