Categorized | Politics

Koch Bros. Buy Democratic Party, Harry Reid Short Circuits

Koch Bros. Buy Democratic Party, Harry Reid Short Circuits

Washington, D.C. – The Koch Brothers have had it with Harry Reid, the Senate Majority Leader from Nevada, and his constant railing against the brothers every time he props himself up against the podium on the floor of the Senate to spew asinine comments in recent months. So they bought the Democratic Party.

RIGHT: The Koch brothers share the dais with Senator Reid. (CLICK TO ENLARGE.) Image appears courtesy of Steve Ryan at ElectricUnderpants.com.

“We just got sick of his shit.” Said Charles Koch, while lighting up a cigar with a rolled up $1000 bill. “He kept pushing us and pushing us and finally we decided the best way to shut him up was to become his boss.”

The brothers bought the entire Democratic Party at an undisclosed but cheap price. It was like a fire-sale. The party is in such disarray it’s amazing they’re even a functioning entity at this point. The Koch’s have announced a few changes in the party for the immediate future.

David Koch announced, “We’ve already melted down Pelosi and, with all the plastic that was in her body, they’ll create a younger looking wax figure for a museum. In her present state, she just scares the hell out of the kids. She’ll be more useful to mankind as a statue than a real living, breathing congresswoman.”

When told of the news of the buyout, Harry Reid reportedly went into a catatonic state and his staffers think he might need to be rebooted. Reid had gotten so bad in recent days he had begun blaming the Koch Bros. for things like his coffee being too hot, Lois Lerner’s lame-ass haircut, and even his enlarged prostate.

David mentioned other upcoming changes, “Basically, we’re just hoping to make the whole party a lot less annoying. We still support the Republicans in the coming elections, but the Democrat Party has become so crazy that it’s not even fair at this time. Like that Debbie Wasserman woman? I think she needs to be in a straitjacket somewhere! I mean, have you seen that thing on TV?! She gives us the creeps.”

“Harry will be reprogrammed and hopefully that will make him seem more human,” Charles continued, “Then, if George Soros or some rich liberal wants to buy the party back, for a profit, we’ll sell it back to them and they can do what they want with it. We’ll move on to other things and, hopefully, will have made some positive changes for Washington.”

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One Response to “Koch Bros. Buy Democratic Party, Harry Reid Short Circuits”

  1. Amusing premise, but I have a hard time believing anyone really thinks the Democrats are the crazy ones, compared to the Republicans. That’s just not close to the meme. The stereotypes are that the Republicans are insane and monstrous while the Democrats are spineless because they’ve lost faith in their liberal principles.

    And taking ownership of both parties would be disastrous for the Republicans, because then they’d have to govern and they’d have no one to blame when the country inevitably self-destructed due to their hands-off approach. But to let the country think it has two independent parties with very different ideas about what to do while in office.

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