Month: May 2014
Ben Affleck Under Investigation For Researching Wrong Role in Las Vegas
Las Vegas – Ben Affleck was caught ‘counting cards’ in Las Vegas this week and authorities are baffled as to why the actor was attempting such a feat. Apparently, Affleck was on a bender and claimed to be doing research…
Brazil’s Economy Skyrockets in Soccer Tournament; Millions of Wallets Stolen
The 2014 FIFA World Cup event will be a beneficial factor that will help Brazil with its not-so-good economy, at least that’s what Hispanic skinhead, Pitbull, had to say about it. Hispanic, cancer man later went on to gibber on…
Lorde Accuses Papparazzo Of Taking Pictures Of Her In Public
Age ambiguous, teen pop music sensation Lorde, took to twitter this weekend to accuse a paparazzi photographer of maliciously taking photographs of her in public. “This man has been stalking me, photographing me in public and refusing me my God…
Wealthy Man Replaces his Sexist & Racist Thoughts with Clones to Silence Critics
Dateline: NEW YORK–Tired of being accused of having stereotypical ideas of women and racial minorities, the gazillionaire Roderick Billington set about spending his vast fortune to perfect his conceptions. “I realized the essence of the problem early on,” he said….
Latest Godzilla Movie Features Fatter, Middle-Age Monster With Low T
Tokyo – In the latest incarnation of the Godzilla series of big-screen features, Godzilla 2014, the monster playing the fierce creature looks a little less menacing than in previous movies, and a little more out of shape. “It’s true, I’ve…
Fine, I’ll Break the News: Paul Dinello to Take Over Colbert Report
With Stephen Colbert leaving to fill the massive shoes of David Letterman on CBS, who will take over at 11:30 on Comedy Central? Paul Dinello, it is hoped. This news has not been official until now. No one else has…
Kentucky Derby Horse ‘Uncle Sigh’ Doesn’t Really Give a Damn About Race
Churchill Downs – As the 140th running of the Kentucky Derby nears, one fact about one of the horses in the running this year is clear: ‘Uncle Sigh’ just doesn’t give a damn. The horse is already pissed about having…
My Mother Was A Margarine Smuggler
Yes, it is true. Shameful but true. It is always difficult for the children of those involved in criminal activities to confront their past and the social stigmas associated with such behavior, but at some time it must be faced….
Japanese Accused of “Fat-Shaming” Godzilla, Warner Brothers of “Cultural Appropriation”
As the film Godzilla approaches it’s US May 16th debut, the grievance industry got started early when the internetz and blogosphere exploded late Friday after a new trailer of the movie was released by Warner Brothers. Japanese fan groups accused…
New Study: Fat Bottomed Girls May Not ‘Make the Rockin’ World Go Round’ After All
Ithaca, NY – After years of tireless research at Cornell University, professors have released a study that brings into question the long-accepted fact the late great Freddie Mercury, from the rock band Queen, proclaimed to the world – Fat bottomed…