White House Laments Roosevelt Didn’t Have #HitlerSucks in 1940’s, Could Have Shortened War

Washington D.C. – Sixteen year-old White House Spokesman, Jay Carney, commented in today’s presidential press briefing that it was a shame the Roosevelt administration didn’t have the benefit of hashtags in the early days of World War II so they could have tweeted some strongly worded messages that could have stopped the dictator in his tracks and brought the war to a quicker, more peaceful end.

In recent weeks, the hashtag has become the most powerful weapon of the most powerful country in the world when it comes to confronting evil in the modern world. Carney went on to talk about the awesome power of the hashtag and how it could have devastated Hitler.

“If they had been able to send out tweets like #StopHitler, #LeaveTheJewsAlone, #DontMakeUsComeOverThere, or #HitlerHasALittleDick, there is no way he wouldn’t have crumbled under that pressure! How can you even respond to something like that? I think he would have backed down and would have been content being an asshole to just the Germans.”

“We want to send a strong message to all despots, dictators and warlords around the world,” Carney continued, “We have a never ending supply of hashtags and we’re not afraid to use them. If you receive one from us, consider yourself warned. And if you don’t get the message…we’ll send out another one!”

In light of the statement from the White House, several terrorist organizations have announced by phone they were disconnecting their internet services or, at the very least, closing out their Twitter accounts so they could deny ever receiving the hashtag threats from the US. This story is still developing…

Author: E. Williams

Just a smart ass by nature who uses humor as a defense mechanism to get through this wonderfully confusing thing we call life. Trying to make people laugh is pretty cool. Succeeding at it is the very best! That's it. What more do you people want from me?!