Not to be shown up in this year’s NFL’s draft, Johnny Manziel, aka Johnny Football has announced that he’s gay too.
After the media frenzy over the St. Louis Rams drafting the first openly gay football player Michael Sam, Manziel attempted to grab back the spotlight by screaming to the presses, “I’m gay too!” while dining out with a beautiful brunette whom he claimed was his sister and definitely not one of his many alleged girlfriends.
“It’s true,” the first round Cleveland Brown pick said while polishing his Heisman ring. “I dig dudes. The bigger, the better. But that doesn’t make me a bad football player. To the contrary, I’m one of the best. Far better than that other gay player, Michael Simms or whatever.”
“Sam,” a reporter corrected.
“No, my name’s Johnny. Johnny Football. Geeze, you’ve forgotten my name already?”
When asked why he waited so long to come out of the closet, Manziel claimed, “I didn’t know it was the cool thing to do now. CNN can’t stop talking about it.”
When reporters scoffed and began mumbling under their breath at Johnny’s claims, he double downed. “During my freshman year at A&M, I used to occasionally enjoy a side of beef, if you know what I mean. That was one sexy cow.”
As the reporters began walking off, Johnny yelled at them, “I’m going to be the best gay football player in the NFL. Hey, did I mention that I’m also a eunuch?”