Media Hungry Johnny Manziel says, “I’m Gay Too”

Not to be shown up in this year’s NFL’s draft, Johnny Manziel, aka Johnny Football has announced that he’s gay too.

After the media frenzy over the St. Louis Rams drafting the first openly gay football player Michael Sam, Manziel attempted to grab back the spotlight by screaming to the presses, “I’m gay too!” while dining out with a beautiful brunette whom he claimed was his sister and definitely not one of his many alleged girlfriends.

“It’s true,” the first round Cleveland Brown pick said while polishing his Heisman ring. “I dig dudes. The bigger, the better. But that doesn’t make me a bad football player. To the contrary, I’m one of the best. Far better than that other gay player, Michael Simms or whatever.”

“Sam,” a reporter corrected.

“No, my name’s Johnny. Johnny Football. Geeze, you’ve forgotten my name already?”

When asked why he waited so long to come out of the closet, Manziel claimed, “I didn’t know it was the cool thing to do now. CNN can’t stop talking about it.”

When reporters scoffed and began mumbling under their breath at Johnny’s claims, he double downed. “During my freshman year at A&M, I used to occasionally enjoy a side of beef, if you know what I mean. That was one sexy cow.”

As the reporters began walking off, Johnny yelled at them, “I’m going to be the best gay football player in the NFL. Hey, did I mention that I’m also a eunuch?”

Author: Jenny Corvette

Jenny Corvette is the pen name of Jennifer Gardner, a freelance writer living in Southwest Michigan. She has been nearly arrested and sued over her satirical writing about her local hick town. In her free time, she plays pool, volunteers with political campaigns, and paints Spray Paint Art, all of the proceeds benefiting animal causes. She can be found on facebook at http://facebook.com/jennycorvette

7 thoughts on “Media Hungry Johnny Manziel says, “I’m Gay Too”

  1. Oh wow… I took a look at Herman Ripps FB page and the guy is obsessed with Johnny Manziel… it really looks to be an unhealthy obsession too – it's all this guy follows online. A bit freaky.

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