Month: December 2012
The Extendables- Four Ex-Presidents Fight for Their Right to Get Back in the Saddle
Four ex-Presidents. Four hearts still filled with a passion for the game. Together they form a super team- THE EXTENDABLES!!!!!! The tale of first class Presidents now turned into first class fighting machines. Able to rip old legislation apart with…
Honey Boo Boo Ups Salary Demand to Include Twinkies Bonus
Alana Thompson, the child star of the reality hit (by the lowest standards possible) series Here Comes Honey Boo Boo was told on Friday that her favorite snack food, Twinkies, were no longer going to be sold in stores and…
2012 – The Year in Review, Part 1: January – June
As has been the proud tradition of this prestigious news publication since 1975, it is time for Glossy News’ Annual Year in Review for 2012, where we look back at the important news stories of the past twelve months that…
Conjoined Twins Arrested for Statutory Rape
Two days ago, local celebrities of Rockville, Maryland, Vicky and Lisa Hancock, both fourteen years old, were taken into police custody on charges of statutory rape and incest. The girls, whose conjoining makes them look like one person with two…
Heartwarming Story Emerges out of Massacre in Sudan
While unearthing a mass grave in the South of Sudan, a country where religious division fuels an ethnic cleansing that provides a bloody front for a resource war, a Red Cross forensics worker found a puppy, alive among the remains…
Police Boot Respected Glossy News Writer From Japan
Tokyo, Japan – (GlossyNews.com) – A respected writer from the world’s second oldest spoof news site was hurriedly whisked away from the Japanese capital after police authourites found him ‘leering and staring with his trousers down’ at a group of…
California Implements “Purina Food Stamp” Program
Sinking Ship, CA – In a progressive move, the California Senate approved a law to provide for California Purina Stamps for pets. The law goes into effect on January 1, 2013. Pet owners whose pets no longer possess the instinct…
“Weekly Gleaner” Implements Literal, Physical Paywall
PINE RAPIDS, Iowa – Having experienced yet another money-losing quarter, the Pine Rapids Weekly Gleaner has decided to follow the lead of such papers as the New York Times and implement a paywall. “Let’s face it,” said Editor Dwight Turnbull….
Popular Editor Fired From Part-time Mall Santa Job
Seattle, WA – (SatireWorld.com) – At the Dingleberry Regional Mall there was a bit of excitement during the first official day of the holiday shopping season…Mall officials fired Santa Claus! The Christmas holiday season in this part of Washington state…
Un-Named Elf Leaks Obama Santa Letter
NORTH POLE – One of Santa’s right-leaning elves has reportedly leaked a letter to Santa from one of his most famous correspondents: Dear Santa, Thanks again for giving me that big white house four years ago. To be honest, that