Tokyo, Japan – (GlossyNews.com) – A respected writer from the world’s second oldest spoof news site was hurriedly whisked away from the Japanese capital after police authourites found him ‘leering and staring with his trousers down’ at a group of high school girls posing for photos in Peace Park in downtown Tokyo.
The American embassy later identified the lonely American citizen as a ‘Mr. rFreed from Davenport, Iowa.’ Freed reportedly was visiting Tokyo to participate in a pachinko tournament at the Tokyo Hilton. Calls to the Freed residence were not returned.
PHOTO INSERT: Student Han Matamoochi, age 17, caught the perpetrator on her camera as he lowered his trousers behind Matamiichi’s classmates who were showing off their boogers -on-fingers for the camera. Booger flinging is the current fad in Japan with several professional teams vying for the 2016 Olympics.
According to chief detective first-class Saraguchi Namoto, “One of the girls called us just as soon as the suspect lowered his trousers. In fact, she caught him in the act on her phone camera which we later used as proof to enforce his visa revocation.”
A spokesman supplied by Glossy News said tyoday…Not so fast! “Mr. Freed simply had a wardrobe malfunction as he has in the past. After a luncheon with last year’s pachinko winner, a Mr. Hans Krafter from Amsterdam, Mr. Freed consumed just a tad too much Japanese beer and simply forgot to properly snap the button on his trousers. They fell down, it’s as simple as that.”
Folks back home in Davenport confirm that it really was an accident and misunderstanding. Dave Kilroy, a neighbor of Freed had a few words to say on record in his neighbor’s defense…”That charge is a load of horse hockey! It happens all the time with Robert! No big deal! Why, it was just last year Robert’s pants dropped right in the middle of the mall over in west Davenport. Scared the crap out of those high school cheerleaders so much they ran screaming out of the nearest exit!”
According to a neighbor, Mr. Freed promises to invest in suspenders and buy trousers that fit better in the next few weeks.