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Police Boot Respected Glossy News Writer From Japan

Police Boot Respected Glossy News Writer From Japan

Tokyo, Japan – (GlossyNews.com) – A respected writer from the world’s second oldest spoof news site was hurriedly whisked away from the Japanese capital after police authourites found him ‘leering and staring with his trousers down’ at a group of high school girls posing for photos in Peace Park in downtown Tokyo.

The American embassy later identified the lonely American citizen as a ‘Mr. rFreed from Davenport, Iowa.’ Freed reportedly was visiting Tokyo to participate in a pachinko tournament at the Tokyo Hilton. Calls to the Freed residence were not returned.

PHOTO INSERT: Student Han Matamoochi, age 17, caught the perpetrator on her camera as he lowered his trousers behind Matamiichi’s classmates who were showing off their boogers -on-fingers for the camera. Booger flinging is the current fad in Japan with several professional teams vying for the 2016 Olympics.

According to chief detective first-class Saraguchi Namoto, “One of the girls called us just as soon as the suspect lowered his trousers. In fact, she caught him in the act on her phone camera which we later used as proof to enforce his visa revocation.”

A spokesman supplied by Glossy News said tyoday…Not so fast! “Mr. Freed simply had a wardrobe malfunction as he has in the past. After a luncheon with last year’s pachinko winner, a Mr. Hans Krafter from Amsterdam, Mr. Freed consumed just a tad too much Japanese beer and simply forgot to properly snap the button on his trousers. They fell down, it’s as simple as that.”

Folks back home in Davenport confirm that it really was an accident and misunderstanding. Dave Kilroy, a neighbor of Freed had a few words to say on record in his neighbor’s defense…”That charge is a load of horse hockey! It happens all the time with Robert! No big deal! Why, it was just last year Robert’s pants dropped right in the middle of the mall over in west Davenport. Scared the crap out of those high school cheerleaders so much they ran screaming out of the nearest exit!”

According to a neighbor, Mr. Freed promises to invest in suspenders and buy trousers that fit better in the next few weeks.

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This post was written by

- who has written 119 posts on GlossyNews.com.

Hello, I'm Bargis Tryhol and currently live somewhere in the southern part of the USA. I have been writing humor for quite a few years and love to make fun of the liberals who in recent years seem to be falling by the wayside in droves. My online following is fairly large now, so a big 'shout out' to all who have embraced my lopsided humor. I do appreciate the support. You can visit my website Satire World for more outrageous humor.... SatireWorld.com Comments or retribution? Bargistryhol@aol.com

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7 Responses to “Police Boot Respected Glossy News Writer From Japan”

  1. rfreed says:

    Once again, my archenemy (Much like Reggie is to Archie) has decided to expose me (oops, poor choice of words) publicly again.
    Let me just say that as usual Mr. Tryhol has gotten his facts screwed up again. Let me set the record straight here:
    First of all it was South Korea, not Japan.
    Secondly I had mooned them, not ‘done a full frontal’, as you might say.
    Thirdly, I was not ‘leering’ at them, I was instead staring at my own impressive masculinity, although I do admit they were the reason for its momentary inflation.
    Now that that has been straightened out, let me put your minds at ease- I have already paid my price for such an incursion upon another culture. I was impounded for my infraction for 5 months at the Sung Myung Moon Prison in Seoul. It is there where, despite the hardships, I met my life partner Yeo ‘Studly’ Mascho, who has successfully weaned me away from trying to impress Korean maidens.
    I will be moving back to Korea after he finishes his sentence for mooning Korean boys and when they finally revamp their archaic laws about marriages.

    Of course Bargis’s National Enquirer style mudslinging forces me to retaliate. Instead of just posting the footage I have of him in a passionate embrace with a chicken on Youtube like I had originally planned, I am now working with the Wachowski Brothers about turning it into a full fledged musical. We have already enlisted Slippy Ham hocks, the famed Liberace impersonator, to play Bargis and an excellent Tim Conway to play the chicken.
    I’ll provide more details as they develop.

  2. Congrats on meeting Studley…I’m sure you both make a wicked egg foo yung!

    Chicken…You mean Miss Chicken from Dewlaware the first runner-up in the Rhode Island Red contest…Well, she’s soup! Delicious little pullet afterall!

  3. rfreed says:

    No, no Bargis!
    You are again confusing fantasy with reality!
    You were FANTASIZING about Miss Chicken from Delaware WHILE you were doing the funky chicken. And when I say ‘doing the funky chicken’ I don’t mean that funny dance from the 70’s. I meant, that chicken was getting pretty funky from you DOING her (or him, I can’t tell chickens apart.).
    But thanks for the best wishes with Studly. We might have to move to Washington when he gets out for reasons I am sure you can discern.

  4. rfreed says:

    I have the most comments of anybody!!!
    Neener, neener, neener!!!!

  5. Hmmmmmm comment junkie!

  6. Brian White says:

    Oh thank god! I was missing for a little while, when I saw this I was afraid it was me that got in trouble.

  7. rfreed says:

    … and I did go ahead and post that video on YouTube anyway.
    It should be going viral at any time.

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