Posted in Politics Top Stories

Boehner and Obama Vow to Fall Off Fiscal Cliff Together

As fiscal cliff negotiations stalled, Republican House Speaker John Boehner and Democratic President Barack Obama romantically declared that they would tumble over the fiscal cliff together “arm in arm”. “I truly love that man”, Boehner said in reference to Obama….

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Boehner and Obama Vow to Fall Off Fiscal Cliff Together
Posted in Politics

The Fiscal Cliff: Wingnut v. Moonbat Edition

In order to best understand the troubles that face our nation from a balanced left/right perspective, we’ve enlisted liberal Glossy News satirist and editor Brian K. White from the left to talk with conservative columnist and statistician Dean Chambers from…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! The Fiscal Cliff: Wingnut v. Moonbat Edition
Posted in Politics

Michigan Becomes 24th State to Inaugurate ‘Right To Be A Slave’ Law

Michigan has now joined almost half of the country which has introduced legislation that will make it easier for employers to regulate, hire and fire their employees at will. Goosestepping to the current climate which wishes to reduce the power…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Michigan Becomes 24th State to Inaugurate ‘Right To Be A Slave’ Law
Posted in Crime

Fig Newton Controversy Awaits Trial

LOS ANGELES-Forensic investigators (right) search a house for evidence after a reliable source reported that a middle-aged man allegedly consumed an entire Fig Newton and “actually enjoyed it”. The criminal’s name will be kept private for obvious safety reasons and…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Fig Newton Controversy Awaits Trial
Posted in Society

Word ‘Belated’ Now Only Used In Birthday Messages

BLOOMINGTON – It was revealed Monday by linguistic professors at Indiana University that the word “belated” – an adjective whose origins can been traced back to the year 1610 – is now only used in birthday messages. The word, which…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Word ‘Belated’ Now Only Used In Birthday Messages
Posted in Strange People

Gunman Breaks Into NRA, Starts Blasting Away With NRA Supported Gun

BREAKING NEWS- A lone gunman stormed the NRA headquarters in Fairfax, Virginia causing bloody mayhem. Managing to gain entrance by flashing his membership card to the guards at the door, the marauder charged in firing indiscriminately in all directions using…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Gunman Breaks Into NRA, Starts Blasting Away With NRA Supported Gun
Posted in Internets Tubes Politics

Interview w/ Dean Chambers from UnSkewedPolls.com – Part II

We recently ran an interview with conservative poll smoker Dean Chambers from UnSkewedPolls.com. It quickly became our top article and my offer to post a second part from questions that were not asked was highly requested. So rather than dig…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Interview w/ Dean Chambers from UnSkewedPolls.com – Part II
Posted in Environment

Unseasonably Warm Weather A Reminder Man Didn’t Recycle Bottles Last Month

INDIANAPOLIS – A recent spate of unseasonably warm weather, which has seen December temperatures peak in the mid sixties, has acted as a timely reminder that local man Dennis Kowalski never got around to recycling those damn bottles last month….

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Unseasonably Warm Weather A Reminder Man Didn’t Recycle Bottles Last Month
Posted in Science & Technologizzy

Inventor’s Shirt Changes Color- Why Not a She-Shirt That Turns Invisible?

A Leeds inventor has come up with a t-shirt that changes color according to how much sun there is. It is supposed to warn the wearer about the possibility of getting skin cancer. E.E.C. Investigators quickly smelled a rat, however,…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Inventor’s Shirt Changes Color- Why Not a She-Shirt That Turns Invisible?
Posted in Science

A.D.A. Gaydar Fingers Fluoridation

CHICAGO – The American Dental Association today announced a reversal of its longstanding position on municipal water fluoridation. For over 65 years, fluoride has been recognized by the ADA as an effective prophylactic in the fight against cavities. But recent…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! A.D.A. Gaydar Fingers Fluoridation
Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc

America’s New Dirty Words Are No Longer Four Letters Long

Merriam Webster Online, one of the worlds most famous English dictionaries, has announced that the most looked up words online this year were ‘socialism’ and ‘capitalism’. This just goes to show the confusion in the American public over the true…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! America’s New Dirty Words Are No Longer Four Letters Long
Posted in Society

Unphotogenic Cops Pushing ‘No Filming Police’ Legislation

The Chicago Supreme Court has struck down a plea from attorneys hoping to ban citizens from filming police officers in public because being on camera is making many unphotogenic cops feel really uncomfortable. The decision came after judges decided that…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Unphotogenic Cops Pushing ‘No Filming Police’ Legislation
Posted in Celebrity Gossip

Sports Illustrated Model Kate Upton’s First Training Bra For Sale On Ebay

London, England – (SatireWorld.com) – SatireWorld reports that a personal item of a well known Sports Illustrated model has found its way on the popular auction site eBay and in past days all bidding has gone thru the roof. Fully…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Sports Illustrated Model Kate Upton’s First Training Bra For Sale On Ebay
Posted in Top Stories

Supreme Court Nullifies First Amendment

The United States Supreme Court unanimously declared today that the First Amendment to the Bill of Rights is to be nullified as it no longer has any meaning in today’s society. The First Amendment reads: “Congress shall make no law…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Supreme Court Nullifies First Amendment
Posted in Politics Strange People

North Korea Demands Christmas Lights Be Shut Off In South Korea

Pyongyang – (SatireWorld.com) – North Korea warned South Korea on Sunday of “unexpected consequences” if Seoul displays Christmas lights near the tense border, and vowed to retaliate for what it called “psychological warfare.” The South’s defense ministry said earlier it…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! North Korea Demands Christmas Lights Be Shut Off In South Korea
Posted in Human Interest

Pick a Peck of Pilgrim Pepper

Supermarket chains across the United States have agreed to forgo advertising depicting happy families gathered together in celebration and good cheer this holiday season. Although researchers insist an increase in suicide attempts during the holidays has proved largely a myth,…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Pick a Peck of Pilgrim Pepper
Posted in World News

Sick Of Fighting In Mideast, World Builds Wall Around Israel And Palestine.

A spontaneously assembled group of nations, tired of the constant turmoil coming out of Israel and Palestine, have built a wall entirely surrounding both lands. These countries, after attempting for years to introduce peace initiatives to both lands, finally reached…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Sick Of Fighting In Mideast, World Builds Wall Around Israel And Palestine.
Posted in Environment World News

Scientists Dismayed As BP Throws More Oil-Absorbent Cash at Gulf

Since the 2010 explosion on the Deep Water Horizon offshore oil rig, which killed 11 people and spilled 205 million gallons of crude oil, British Petroleum has been pumping billions of oil-absorbing dollar bills into the Gulf of Mexico and…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Scientists Dismayed As BP Throws More Oil-Absorbent Cash at Gulf
Posted in Top Stories

Mitt Romney Places Personal Ad in Wall Street Journal for ‘Friend’

Former GOP Presidential hopeful Mitt Romney took out a classified ad today in the Wall Street Journal seeking a new friend to “pal around with.” “I have everything money can buy,” Romney said in an interview, “but I have never…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Mitt Romney Places Personal Ad in Wall Street Journal for ‘Friend’
Posted in World News

2012 – The Year in Review, Part 2: July – December

We continue this week with Part II of Glossy News’ Annual Year in Review for 2012. If you missed Part I, don’t worry, you didn’t miss much. But you can check it out here. Let’s continue now with the Year…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! 2012 – The Year in Review, Part 2: July – December
Posted in Politics Talky Pictures

The Extendables- Four Ex-Presidents Fight for Their Right to Get Back in the Saddle

Four ex-Presidents. Four hearts still filled with a passion for the game. Together they form a super team- THE EXTENDABLES!!!!!! The tale of first class Presidents now turned into first class fighting machines. Able to rip old legislation apart with…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! The Extendables- Four Ex-Presidents Fight for Their Right to Get Back in the Saddle
Posted in Celebrity Gossip

Honey Boo Boo Ups Salary Demand to Include Twinkies Bonus

Alana Thompson, the child star of the reality hit (by the lowest standards possible) series Here Comes Honey Boo Boo was told on Friday that her favorite snack food, Twinkies, were no longer going to be sold in stores and…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Honey Boo Boo Ups Salary Demand to Include Twinkies Bonus
Posted in World News

2012 – The Year in Review, Part 1: January – June

As has been the proud tradition of this prestigious news publication since 1975, it is time for Glossy News’ Annual Year in Review for 2012, where we look back at the important news stories of the past twelve months that…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! 2012 – The Year in Review, Part 1: January – June
Jail
Posted in Crime Top Stories

Conjoined Twins Arrested for Statutory Rape

Two days ago, local celebrities of Rockville, Maryland, Vicky and Lisa Hancock, both fourteen years old, were taken into police custody on charges of statutory rape and incest. The girls, whose conjoining makes them look like one person with two…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Conjoined Twins Arrested for Statutory Rape
Posted in War Zone World News

Heartwarming Story Emerges out of Massacre in Sudan

While unearthing a mass grave in the South of Sudan, a country where religious division fuels an ethnic cleansing that provides a bloody front for a resource war, a Red Cross forensics worker found a puppy, alive among the remains…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Heartwarming Story Emerges out of Massacre in Sudan
Posted in Entertainment

Police Boot Respected Glossy News Writer From Japan

Tokyo, Japan – (GlossyNews.com) – A respected writer from the world’s second oldest spoof news site was hurriedly whisked away from the Japanese capital after police authourites found him ‘leering and staring with his trousers down’ at a group of…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Police Boot Respected Glossy News Writer From Japan
Posted in Politics

California Implements “Purina Food Stamp” Program

Sinking Ship, CA – In a progressive move, the California Senate approved a law to provide for California Purina Stamps for pets. The law goes into effect on January 1, 2013. Pet owners whose pets no longer possess the instinct…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! California Implements “Purina Food Stamp” Program
Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc

“Weekly Gleaner” Implements Literal, Physical Paywall

PINE RAPIDS, Iowa – Having experienced yet another money-losing quarter, the Pine Rapids Weekly Gleaner has decided to follow the lead of such papers as the New York Times and implement a paywall. “Let’s face it,” said Editor Dwight Turnbull….

WTF?! Click now to find out more! “Weekly Gleaner” Implements Literal, Physical Paywall
Posted in Crime Kidz Zone

Popular Editor Fired From Part-time Mall Santa Job

Seattle, WA – (SatireWorld.com) – At the Dingleberry Regional Mall there was a bit of excitement during the first official day of the holiday shopping season…Mall officials fired Santa Claus! The Christmas holiday season in this part of Washington state…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Popular Editor Fired From Part-time Mall Santa Job
Posted in Politics

Un-Named Elf Leaks Obama Santa Letter

NORTH POLE – One of Santa’s right-leaning elves has reportedly leaked a letter to Santa from one of his most famous correspondents: Dear Santa, Thanks again for giving me that big white house four years ago. To be honest, that

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Un-Named Elf Leaks Obama Santa Letter