Month: November 2012
How to Lose Weight the (Cheap &/or?) Easy Way
I meant to write this 20 or 30 pounds ago, but I wasn’t yet fully sure it wasn’t an anomaly, so I held off. But I’ve kept shedding the pounds, so I feel inclined to share. You know, for the…
97-Year-Old Walmart Employee Granted Early Retirement
Norma Harris, 97, of Rogers, Arkansas, will be granted early retirement from her full time position as a Walmart greeter after 44 years of employment with the mega-retailer. Harris will be the first person in Walmart history to be paid…
Hamas: Weapons are being smuggled into Israel
The Hamas government in Gaza is charging that weapons are being smuggled into Israel. “We are doing our best to blockade Israel and prevent everything except low-nutrition food and minimal medical supplies from entering,” said spokesperson Jehad al-Muqawama “but regardless…
GlossyNews.com Proves Its Might ala Petitions
After our amazing success with the 62-articles we ran on election day, we were emboldened to go a bit futher. We authored a pair of White House petitions, and both of them went live to the White House site. One…
Famous Americans Share Thanksgiving Messages of Gratitude
Glossy News interviewed famous Americans this past week, asking them “What are you thankful for this Thanksgiving season?” Here is a holiday gift basket of inspirational messages from some of our nation’s most illustrious, America-loving Americans. Ann Romney, wife of…
200 Cows Standing in a Field (or Not)
ORLANDO–My choice to drive State Road 528 over to Orlando International instead of my usual route via Highway 1-92 through Kissimmee proved premonition pops up more often than not. The emergency broadcast system cut off Buckethead and the crew over…
Christmas Moved to February
After years of complaining by stressed out shoppers and overworked retailers, the Catholic Church has finally moved the year’s most important holiday. From now on, Christmas will be celebrated in early February. Despite the doctrine of papal infallibility, the Church…
Allen West concedes defeat– “All I want to do is dance.”
TALLAHASSEE–Allen West conceded today that life was way too short to sit back and count votes. The defeated GOP incumbent congressman from Florida has decided instead to toss the political towel to newly elected Patrick Murphy, Democrat, freeing West to…
Karl Rove Meets His Dark Karma in a Filthy Washington Alley
Karl Rove, weasel extraordinaire and famous shill for the Republican Party, was found unconscious, beaten half to death and left lying in a Washington alley early this morning. Surveillance tapes retrieved from security cameras around the neighborhood revealed a most…
White Woman Claims Watching 3D Film Made Her Pregnant w/ Black Child
Fort Bragg, NC – (SatireWorld.com) – A white American couple gave birth to black baby boy in August at the Army hospital located in the sprawling Fort Bragg complex. The very surprised woman claimed she had become pregnant while watching…