Month: August 2012
Curiosity Killed the Rover
GALE CRATER, MARS – The Curiosity Rover died yesterday while chasing an unidentified particle on Mars, the National Aeronautic and Space Agency reported at a press conference this morning. Physicists have not yet classified the particle that killed Curiosity, but…
Tea Party’s Bold Plans to Eliminate the Debt Completely by Dec. 17th – Conclusion
Previously, I shared with you some bold new initiatives planned by America’s leading Tea Party politicians to wipe out the entire US Debt before the end of the year. Think of it as a gigantic Christmas present to America from…
Things Kim Jong-Un Said on His Wedding Night
Kim Jong-Un was recently retro-actively married, and to a fine philly of a lady at that, assuming she’s not blood-related to him, which is a fairly big assumption indeed. The head of one of the most secretive states in the…
Pre-Movie Announcement Advises Moviegoers to Put Kids on Silent
CASTLETON – Prior to its 5:35 screening of Alvin and the Chipmunks, a cinema today advised patrons to make sure all babies were switched off and that any children between the ages of 4 and 11 remain on silent throughout…
Memory Foam Mattress Recounts Continued Abuse
A memory foam mattress from Florida has made its first appearance in court today in a case detailing years of continued abuse by married couple Mr and Mrs Winemuff. Looking nervous the memory foam mattress took the stand and began…
Dread Addiction of Freeitis Strikes Web Users Worldwide
The advent and incredible popularity of the Internet has resulted in an outbreak of the strange psychological malady known as ‘Freeitis’. Freeitis is a recent mental disease in which a person, growing used to getting everything for free on the…
Pop-up Ads Ruin Life in The Matrix
The appearance of pop-up ads in everyday reality has prompted leading scientists to speculate that what we perceive as “real life” is nothing more than a virtual reality simulation. “And that’s not the bad news,” stated Dr. Zachary Smith, lead…
God Quietly Blessing Other Nations
HEAVEN – According to celestial insiders and various mythical figures, His Lordship and Creator of All Things, Almighty God has been quietly blessing nations other than the United States of America. Even though much of His time – which is…
Lloyd Blankfein Will NOT Be Romney’s Secretary of the Treasury
Presidential candidate Mitt Romney has disclosed to an anonymous source that he probably will not appoint Lloyd Blankfein to the office of Secretary of the Treasury. Blankfein is CEO of Goldman Sachs, one of the nation’s most distinguished financial enterprises….
Weather (man) Beaten
A weatherman has been beaten and is recovering in hospital after an attack outside news offices. The attack happened at about 8pm local time when a middle-aged woman ran up to local weatherman Ryan Storm and shouted “sunshine” while throwing…