Month: August 2012
Top 18 Dumbest Quotes from Mitt Romney
We recently ran a few pieces highlighting silly gaffes and statements made by Barack Obama and Joe Biden, so in an effort to remain balanced, we now present some of the dumbest, most alarming statements made by Republican nominee Willard…
What’s Harder Than Voting for “The Other Guy”
I have discovered what the hardest thing any person will ever have to do in life is. The hardest things in life is biting into a person’s homemade cookie and trying not to show any signs of how bad you…
Supreme Court Protects Corporations’ Right to Bear Arms
Washington D.C. – Today the Supreme Court upheld Corporations’ Second Amendment Rights. This decision comes in the wake of the much controversial decision, FEC v. Citizens United, where the Court upheld corporations First Amendment rights to free speech by striking…
Hey Religious Nuts: Why Don’t You Say Anything About God’s Wrath on the Republicans In Tampa?
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE!!! Where are all the Hellfire and Brimstone preachers at? Where are they when you need them? A hurricane is bearing down on the Republican National Convention and you don’t hear a peep out of them. Are…
American Expatriates At a Loss What to Threaten To Do If Romney Is Elected
PRAGUE – As the 2012 U.S. presidential election approaches, the possibility of a win by Republican Mitt Romney is a cause for fear and concern among many liberal Americans across the country. Among those most worried, however, are U.S. citizens…
Six Significant Sporting Bans for Lance Armstrong
Now that Lance Armstrong has been officially banned from “Sport” for life by the USADA, Glossynews with the help of WikiLeaks has uncovered associated bans in the fine print. While Armstrong still maintains the USADA power to enforce the ban…
In 4yrs, Biden Successfully Increased GDP (Gaffe Domestic Product) by 80%
The White House released its figures for economic and social growth over the last four years and are very excited about sharing one particular statistic that stood out above the rest. Apparently, during his first term as Vice President, Joe…
Paul Ryan “Takes It” Twisted, Sister
Paul Ryan was forced to “take it” following rebuff by Twisted Sister lead man Dee Snider over the choice of “We’re Not Gonna Take It” as the Republican VP-designee’s intro song. Snider denounced use of the 1984 hit at a…
150,000 Feared Dead Following Typical Day
EARTH – An estimated 150,000 people are presumed to have died yesterday in the wake of what experts described as “a fairly typical day” on the planet. If confirmed, the expected number of fatalities during the latest in a string…
NASA Launches Mission to Find Intelligent Life on Earth
Cape Canaveral, Fla.- After the recent success and attention garnered from the mars rover, Curiosity, NASA launched a probe to Earth with the intent to discover if intelligent life does exist, or has ever existed on the planet. Many controversial…