Month: April 2011
Gaddafi Ceasefire Gesture: “My Guerillas Have Put Down Their Arms”
Tripoli Zoo, Tuesday: In a secret satellite conference last Tuesday, Libyan dictator Muhammar Gaddafi reportedly told NATO he had disarmed all of his Guerrillas and he “no longer wanted bloodlessness.” “No word of a lie. What I say is true….
A Dire Warning To Prince William Before His Ill-Fated Marriage
The following is a letter recently received by his Royal Highness Prince Williams of England concerning his upcoming wedding to the commoner Kate Middleton: Dearest, most exalted, Royal Highness Prince Williams, It is out of the utmost duty that I…
Engraved Tax Bills Sent To British Taxpayers on Eve of Royal Wedding
Reports are coming out of England that part of the cost of throwing one of the most lavish weddings of the decade will be borne by British taxpayers. Unfortunately, with the economy pretty much still on a downward slide, this…
Census Results Say ‘Those People’ Now a Majority
The 2010 Census results continue to be compiled by the world’s leading demographers and statisticians. Aiding in the research is the latest advance in super computer technology, developed in a joint effort between NASA and IBM. Considered a quantum leap…
Donald Trump Puts Glass House on Market
Yet another indication that Donald Trump is absolutely serious about running for President is the fact that he has just listed his all-glass NY mansion for sale this weekend. The home, a stunning 8 bedroom, 9-1/2 bathroom home is one…
Hooray For Me, F**k You: Filthy Rich Protest for More Wealth
NEW YORK – Jumping on the protest bandwagon, which began with a carefully orchestrated campaign of coddled working and middle class protesters in Wisconsin and elsewhere fighting to retain their grossly overpaid wages and awesome HMO benefits, the wealthy minority…
President Obama Offers up Authentic Treasure Map to Throw Off Birther Scent
The quest for definitive evidence that Barack Obama was born (or not born) in the United States is heating up once again. This time, it is millionaire Donald Trump (or billionaire if you’re asking Trump himself) who is leading the…
Government Unexpectedly Shut Down by Whiplash Epidemic
People who earn horse choking sums by predicting events that never come to pass find themselves choking in light of the current government shutdown. Consensus among pundits had predicted an imminent budget showdown due to efforts of Democrats eager to…
T-Pain Allegedly Punches Lady Gaga at NYC Nightclub
According to police, an altercation broke out this morning at 3:42 at an un-licensed after hours club on the lower east side. This wouldn’t normally make news, but the alleged aggressor was none other than auto-tune sensation T-Pain, and his…
Biggie Burger Introduces the “Suicide Burger”
Parkersburg WV – GlossyNews.com – Biggie Burger Inc. of Parkersburg WV, famous for its patented 1200-calorie Gargantuan Burger, today introduced its even more massive artery-destroying Suicide Burger. Reportedly the new menu item will be so huge customers will be provided…