Biggie Burger Introduces the “Suicide Burger”

Parkersburg WV – – Biggie Burger Inc. of Parkersburg WV, famous for its patented 1200-calorie Gargantuan Burger, today introduced its even more massive artery-destroying Suicide Burger.

Reportedly the new menu item will be so huge customers will be provided bibs to catch falling bits of lettuce and dribs of mayonnaise as they struggle to wrap their jaws around this baby.

Says company President/CEO Mick Smithers, “The Suicide Burger is a natural next step from the Gargantuan Burger, which is credited with adding over

750 million pounds of flab and gristle to America’s collective waistline since its 2009 launch. Think of the Suicide Burger as the Gargantuan Burger’s fat evil twin.

We expect that many of our Gargantuan Burger customers who are still alive will move up to the Suicide Burger, and to hasten the transition we plan to make this item available 24/7, and even for breakfast, served with a greasy drippy fried egg for only a buck extra.”

Author: Will Johnson

Will Johnson operates several e-commerce websites and writes stage plays in his spare time. Will is editor of