Posted in Celebrity Gossip Music

Jack and Diane Done: John Mellencamp Divorces

After 4 multi-platinum records, 6 platinum records, three gold records, and a string of four consecutive records that achieved no real status due to high amounts of sucking, John Mellencamp is ending his 20 years marriage, citing “it’s none of…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Jack and Diane Done: John Mellencamp Divorces
Posted in Biz News

Chinese Ports Await Massive Christmas Cash Delivery

The Chinese ports of Shanghai and Shenzhen are preparing to unload dozens of giant freighters. The ships are filled to the brim with cash made from selling Americans millions of tons of cheap junk over the Christmas holidays. Fueled by…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Chinese Ports Await Massive Christmas Cash Delivery
Posted in Celebrity Gossip Sports Scandals

Dwight Freeney Learning to Take the “Free” Out of His Name

Those who follow NFL apparently know who Dwight Freeney is, even if most of America, and the landlord on his recording studio, haven’t heard a peep from him. He’s being sued for $422,150 in back rent on the studio, a…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Dwight Freeney Learning to Take the “Free” Out of His Name
Posted in Music

Willow Smith Knows Who Her Daddy Is, Better Have His Money

According to documents filed by Roc Nation, the Jay-Z owned record label of Willow Smith, the hip-hop tween isn’t an artist, which is something anyone who has heard her music would agree. So what is the daughter of Will Smith?…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Willow Smith Knows Who Her Daddy Is, Better Have His Money
Posted in Biz News

Post Office Devises Uniquely Dastardly Ways to “Reduce” Staff

Post Offices across the U.S., faced with the necessity of laying off 40,000 employees, have come up with unique methods of accomplishing this goal. The administrators at the main distribution center in Denver, Colorado have set up a scam where…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Post Office Devises Uniquely Dastardly Ways to “Reduce” Staff
Posted in News In Your Briefs

2011 Tall Tale Congressional Cocktail

Just in time for New Years festivities, try to see if you can stomach this tasty treat from the hill. 1 Tea Bag with string 2-3 minutes of warm John of Orange tears 2 jiggers VS cognac 1 dash bitter…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! 2011 Tall Tale Congressional Cocktail
Posted in Celebrity Gossip Travel

Snow Miser put on ‘No Fly’ list

Mr. Snow Miser who played, well the ‘Snow Miser’, on the hit Christmas television special, The Year Without a Santa Claus, discovered to his dismay that he has been put on the TSA’s ‘No Fly’ list. Mr. Miser, who was…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Snow Miser put on ‘No Fly’ list
Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc

Media Boycotts Year in Review Stories, “It wasn’t that memorable a year”

In a rare show of solidarity, all news outlets have agreed to cancel ‘Year in Review’ retrospectives for 2010. The late December fluff pieces have long been a staple of American journalism, due in large part to the low skill…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Media Boycotts Year in Review Stories, “It wasn’t that memorable a year”
Posted in Making Headlines

Socialism Is When Corporations Get Bailout Money From the Federal Government

Capitalism is when you blame all the economic woes on Obama.

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Socialism Is When Corporations Get Bailout Money From the Federal Government
Posted in Celebrity Gossip

Octomom May Be Saved by Vivid Entertainment’s Lingering Low-Def Division

TMZ is reporting that Octomom’s Nadya Suleman may not face a second foreclosure, due to her failure to pay her damned bills already. Fans and critics alike agree that she’s a worthless pail of hot garbage, but could this unholy…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Octomom May Be Saved by Vivid Entertainment’s Lingering Low-Def Division
Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc

Wall Street Whizzes “Said Sorry”, Beg Public for New Nest Eggs

The front page of USA Today announced that ‘Five Wall Street Heavyweights say it’s time to “Get Back Into Stocks!”’ Yes folks, for those of you who are not unemployed or living out of a storage unit, it is time…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Wall Street Whizzes “Said Sorry”, Beg Public for New Nest Eggs
Posted in News In Your Briefs

US Inmate John Duty “Put Down”, Vet Wishes to Remain Nameless

A shortage of sodium thiopental, the kinder, gentler drug used for death row inmates in the US, forced the state of Oklahoma to send convicted murderer John Duty to a local vet where he was put down with an injection…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! US Inmate John Duty “Put Down”, Vet Wishes to Remain Nameless
Posted in Celebrity Gossip

Home Improvement’s Zachary Ty Bryan Sues for More than “Show Sucking”

Home Improvement’s “Brad Taylor”, played by erstwhile interesting sub-celebrity Zachery Ty Bryan, has filed a lawsuit against two partners in “Big Wangs”, a Hollywood sports bar. While analysts think he has better odds of suing for the complete destruction of…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Home Improvement’s Zachary Ty Bryan Sues for More than “Show Sucking”
Posted in Health Human Interest

Lab Results Show Hot Dogs Contain Extra Lips, No A**holes

A team of research scientists from Kentucky State University have concluded a year-long study of the average American hot dog to determine once and for all if they are, in fact, made from lips and a**holes. The results indicate that…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Lab Results Show Hot Dogs Contain Extra Lips, No A**holes
Posted in World News

Kim Jong Il Crush on Bill Richardson Intensifies after Latest Visit

Kim Jong Il is said to still be talking about the wonderful visit he had with his “American GI buddy” earlier this month. Those who know Kim Jong Il intimately claim that it was no coincidence that Richardson was chosen…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Kim Jong Il Crush on Bill Richardson Intensifies after Latest Visit
Posted in Politics

Cindy McCain’s Chic Haircut Causes Senate Upheaval

PRESCOTT, AZ — GlossyNews.com: Re-elected Sen. John McCain, going on 74, seemed to coast to victory in November, easily beating Tuscon Democrat Rodney Glassman to hang onto his Arizona Senate seat. But his wife’s new chic haircut got major press,…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Cindy McCain’s Chic Haircut Causes Senate Upheaval
Posted in Human Interest

Pot Tops Booze as Most Popular Adult X-mas Gift this Year

Forget slippers and socks, power tools for the guys and tennis bracelets and earrings for the gals, this year for the first time, marijuana (pot) is the most sought after gift, both for giving and receiving. While spirits and wine…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Pot Tops Booze as Most Popular Adult X-mas Gift this Year
Posted in Human Interest

Jailed Chinese Dissident on Nobel Prize: Thanx F-ing Loads

The Western world was excited this week at news the 2010 Nobel Peace Prize has been awarded to imprisoned Chinese democracy advocate Xi Liang Jing. Media watchers are in consensus on the surprising development. If not for the unfortunately timed…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Jailed Chinese Dissident on Nobel Prize: Thanx F-ing Loads
Posted in Crime Politics

Investigation of Elizabeth Edwards Death Announced

Senator Denton R. Fender (R-TX) this week revealed hearings will begin in January regarding the suspicious death of Elizabeth Edwards, wife of former Presidential hopeful John Edwards. The press release hints at a scandal so diabolical, DC pundits are already…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! Investigation of Elizabeth Edwards Death Announced
Posted in Crime Religionism

God Confirms Intervention in Florida School Board Shooting

Panama City, FL. (GlossyNews.com) – School superintendent Bill Husfelt, who survived a gunman’s vendetta during a board meeting on Tuesday, claims God protected him when suspect Clay Duke opened fire on him and his colleagues. “God was standing in front…

WTF?! Click now to find out more! God Confirms Intervention in Florida School Board Shooting