Snow Miser put on ‘No Fly’ list

Mr. Snow Miser who played, well the ‘Snow Miser’, on the hit Christmas television special, The Year Without a Santa Claus, discovered to his dismay that he has been put on the TSA’s ‘No Fly’ list.

Mr. Miser, who was trying to get back to his home in the Arctic, didn’t find out that he was on the terrorist watch list until he tried to check in at New York’s Kennedy airport. “You got to be snowballing me”, he said bitterly when informed of the news.

According to Mr. Miser’s itinerary, he was planning to fly Alaska Airlines/Horizon Air from New York to Fairbanks, AK, then take another flight via Arctic Circle Air to Coldfoot and ski the rest of the way home. “I was hoping to get home by New Year’s, but now I don’t know”, he continued.

When asked what he was doing in the Big Apple, he simply stated that, “he was visiting friends for the holidays.”

Stranded passengers apparently didn’t take too kindly to Mr. Miser’s presence, and many blamed him outright for the blizzard conditions that have shut down airports all across the northeast. “Oh, the Snow Miser can’t get home, boohoo”, one passenger was quoted as saying.

The sentiment seemed to be unanimous, with several passengers even challenging Mr. Miser to an actual snowball fight. Children, however, were more kind, asking for autographs, and many wanting him to transform the terminal into a winter wonderland. “Turn my dad into a snowman”, one kid was heard saying.

Mr. Miser, for his part, defended himself against accusations that he’s responsible for the winter storm by stating that, “yes, it’s true that whatever I touch does turn to snow in my clutch, but this is not entirely my fault.” He then when on to put part of the blame on his stepbrother, Heat Miser, for causing the snow caps to melt thus putting more moisture in the atmosphere.

“A likely story”, said a TSA spokesman. “Blaming this blizzard on some sort of convoluted Global Warming conspiracy by his evil stepbrother just doesn’t fly. He’s a threat to national security, he’s responsible for this snow storm, and he knows it”, he continued.

Asked how he planned on getting home, Mr. Miser said that he would take a few days to figure out his options, and consult with his attorney. However, he did hint that he might have to use sled dogs like, “in the old days”. In the meantime, he said, he’ll probably stay in New York for New Year’s and, like everyone else, watch Snooki be lowered to the MTV rooftop in a glittering ball.

Alaska Airlines declined to comment for this story.

Author: Juvenal Delinquent

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