Jack and Diane Done: John Mellencamp Divorces

After 4 multi-platinum records, 6 platinum records, three gold records, and a string of four consecutive records that achieved no real status due to high amounts of sucking, John Mellencamp is ending his 20 years marriage, citing “it’s none of your business why.”

Mrs Mellencamp, who is described by her publicist as “a model”, and by everyone else as “a former model”, has yet to comment on the reasons for the separation, but anyone familiar with celebrity have a few good ideas.

It was her choice…
It would be perfectly understandable if the aging rock star brought home a few too many cases o’ crabs n’ chlamydia for the waning allure of his star power.

It was his choice…
Having married a model, as much as you love her, every morning you’re waking up with an older woman than you took to bed.

In either case, one thing is clear; he’s probably the bastard in all this.

According to one published report, the couple says they “are proud of their 20 years together and are very happy with their accomplishments both as parents and as a family.”

John and Elaine have not said if they have actually filed divorce, but still felt it neccessary to offer that they will continue to raise their two children in Indiana. If that doesn’t sound like child abuse, I don’t know what does.

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