Month: August 2010
Insurance Companies Market ‘Do-It-Yourself’ Medical Options
WASHINGTON, DC (GlossyNews) — In a move sure to restart the nation’s divisive healthcare debate, major insurance companies announced new healthcare plans featuring controversial “self-serve” medical options designed to reduce costs. “Our new self-serve options for childbirth, surgery and annual…
California Goes Green by Harnessing Hatred of Prop 8 Proponents
HUNTINGTON BEACH, California (GLossyNews) — A California scientist has come up with a novel idea: He has learned to harness the hatred of millions of bigoted Californians to create energy and make minorities rich in the process. Doctor Eli Lafitte,…
France Protects Muslim Women’s Rights by Denying them Choice
The French National Assembly has voted overwhelmingly to ban burqas, with 335 in favor of the law and only one against it. This decision is in line with the international consensus that instead of what they do, what they say,…
Palin Voodoos Tina Fey
ST LOUIS CEMETERY #1, New Orleans (GlossyNews) — While on a lecture tour in New Orleans, Sarah Palin slipped away form her entourage and secretly visited a voodoo shop in the French Quarter. The owner already had the Tina Fey…
Agriculture Secretary Fires Michelle Obama
ALEXANDRIA, Virginia (GlossyNews) — In what Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel termed, “ordinary mid-term reassignments” First Lady Michelle Obama was fired today by Agriculture Secretary Tom Vilsack. The brief press statement, sent via Twitter and read by White House spokesperson…
States Secede From US – Create New Country
POINT BARROW, Alaska (GlossyNews) — A new political entity was born today as all states west of the Mississippi seceded from the Union and created their own nation called The League of States That Remembers What Reality Is. Fed up…
This Friday the 13th Predicted to be Astronomical Doozy
VATICAN CITY (GlossyNews) — Several astronomers are coming right out and telling people to be extra careful this Friday the 13th due to the fact that in addition to the 13th falling on a Friday this month, another more sinister…
Trig Palin to Star as Arnold Jackson in ‘Diff’rent Strokes’ Movie
HOLLYWOODLAND, California (GlossyNews) — In a move sure to shake the entertainment world to its core, Sarah Palin, the poster girl for dumb broads everywhere, has found another way to pimp out a family member to get her palms greased…
The United States of Corporate America
SANDPOINT, Idaho (GLossyNews) — In a bold statement today, a jubilant Sarah Palin announced her plans to rename our country. “We live in a great country. And if we want to see things get done, if we want to support…
Kagan Birth Certificate Controversy
ODESSA, Texas Commonwealth (GlossyNews) — While it was initially believed Elena Kagan’s Supreme Court nomination would move ahead with only token opposition, such hopes are fading as Congress begins the summer recess. Backed by the Tea Party affiliated Citizens for…