Posted in Religionism Sportsfolk

Steinbrenner Options Satan for Minor Mephistopheles to be Named Later

HELL (GlossyNews) — Word comes via famed psychic John Edwards, that legendary sports icon George Steinbrenner has not gone ‘gentle into that good night.’ Other sources confirm Edwards’ assertions. The former Yankees owner has discharged Satan from any further managerial…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Politics Religionism

Ground Zero Camels More Offensive Than Joe Camel or Camel-Toe

NEW YORK (GlossyNews) — In a scene guaranteed to blow the stacks off the rabid Right, who insist no religion except Christianity should be worshiped within a 12,000 mile radius of Ground Zero, a herd of sub-quattro even-toed ungulates were…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in News In Your Briefs

“Fast for Annorexia” March Seen as Self-Serving

Thousands descended on the National Mall, but none felt as snubbed as the local D.C. vendors. By the days end, despite more than 87,000 in attendance, sales were lackluster at best. “I haven’t sold a single sausage,” said Sal the…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Religionism Top Stories

Holy Grail Found Inside Ark of the Covenant Inside Noah’s Ark

Astounding news continues from a Hong Kong based group of evangelical archeologists. The Xinyou Qing Project (rough English translation, ‘We go find Ark now’) first grabbed headlines this year with discovery of Noah’s Ark on Mt. Ararat. Detailed work at…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Crime Strange People

92-Year-Old Pervert Arrested After Metro Bus Grope Fest

Branson, MO. – A senior citizen bus trip from the Days End senior home in Louisville, KY to Branson, Mo, a popular tourist spot in SW Missouri, has caused some trouble for the old folks and a serious run in…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Crime

The New Uncool — Using Turn Signals

LOS ANGELES, California (GlossyNews) — Scientists have determined that an alarming and increasing number of drivers are “turn signal challenged”, that is, unable to use a turn signal when driving. This form of mental malfunction appears to be more pronounced…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Politics Top Stories

Glenn Beck Believes He is More Popular than Jesus AND the Beatles

Glenn Beck originally attacked John Lennon posthumously for his quote “We are more popular than Jesus now.” However, Beck recently admitted he now knows exactly what Lennon was referring to when he said those words. Beck now believes that not…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Biz News Top Stories

Steenking Badges Demand Trending Sharply Lower

In what industry analysts warn may signal a downturn for Mexico’s extraction sector, ‘Steenking Badges’ futures closed sharply lower today. The precipitous decline over the past six weeks, though generally seen as unfavorable, elicited highly contentious opinions. The widely acknowledged…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!
Posted in Human Interest Society

Hog Jaw, Arkansas Named Kissin’ Cousin Capital of America

Hog Jaw, Arkansas has just been named the Kissin’ Cousin Capital of America by Tammy Fay Cosmetics, beating out the other Hog Jaw, Alabama by a mile. The mayor of Hog Jaw, Humphrey Dumpty, in announcing this most dubious honor…

WTF?! Click now to find out more!