NEW YORK (GlossyNews) — In a scene guaranteed to blow the stacks off the rabid Right, who insist no religion except Christianity should be worshiped within a 12,000 mile radius of Ground Zero, a herd of sub-quattro even-toed ungulates were spotted grazing around Ground Zero today. They were apparently oblivious to the brouhaha surrounding the proposed Islamic cultural center to be located within blocks of the historic site.
Polling data suggests near 70% of locals are outraged at the Ground Zero Camels so we went to the front lines to get first hand responses. “Oh my God, Oh my God, is all I can say,” said Harvey Woods, a tourist from Alabama wearing a T-Shirt emblazoned with an American flag and the words, “We Will Never Forget”, as a herd of 17 camels grazed leisurely in the background. “This is proof we are being overrun by those damn Rag Heads. At first I thought I was seeing things. But sure ‘nuf, I walked right up to one of ‘em and it spit a mouthful of shrubbery in my face. I felt like I’d just been hit between the eyes by a 747.”
“This is America, and there ain’t supposed to be camels here. Nothing in Christianity has anything to do with camels. I defy you to find anything in the Bible about camels!” Here it was duly point out that Matthew 19:24 states, “And again I say unto you, It is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle, than for a rich man to enter into the kingdom of God.” The local responded, “Yea, well…uh…They are dirty, disgusting creatures. Look! Now there are two of them gettin’ it on! OH MY GOD! Somebody stop it! This is hallowed ground, for Chrissakes!”
A stream of New York pedestrians, representing religions from all over the world, pointedly walked around Mr. Woods while ignoring his pleas, barely audible over the din of the “City that Never Sleeps”.
Eventually, the caravan of wayward camels was taken down to Chinatown by Animal Control, where they will be humanely butchered and fried up into Sweet and Sour Pork, General Tso’s Chicken and/or some kind of dumpling thingy.
Recent polling by the Center of Camel Knowledge (CoCK) suggests that the Ground Zero Camels have trumped Joe Camel and Camel-Toe as the most offensive form of camel. There is no official word on Camel Jockey.
Mr. Woods was later found dead. After being kicked out of a cab for calling the cabbie an “Islamic Terrorist” where he was succinctly stabbed by a caucasian male outside the bat cave that houses the Republicans of Free Liberty (RoFL).