Month: February 2010
OpenCarry Movement Gets Makeover on Project Runway
Taking their cue from the recent headlines that a group of gun rights activists calling itself the “OpenCarry Movement” are flexing their God-given Constitutional right to enter public places with their firearms proudly displayed, the producers of the reality series,…
Congress Proposes Replacing 2010 Election w/ “Psychic Estimate” Index
hWashington, DC (GlossyNews): House Speaker, Nancy Pelosi, met with the press and Congressional leaders today to discuss replacing the 2010 mid-term election cycle with a “psychic estimate” of the voters’ true intent. “There are just so many distractions and inherent…
Tila Tequila Shuts Down Her Twitter Account
HOLLYWOOD, CA – Reality television star Tila Tequila has canceled her Twitter account after telling her 309,980 followers that “Twitter is full of nothing but the most hateful devil worshippers, terrorists, racists, greeks, and fat people that I have ever…
Sarah Palin: So Main Street Joe Six-Pack It’s Scary
Arguably the most appealing characteristic of Sarah Palin is that she’s one of us. She’s not one of those elitists who finished her undergrad degree from just one school, and she doesn’t know what the heck Charlie Gibson is talking…
Diploma Xpress Accuses Competition of Poor Quality Fake Diplomas
In another case of a war of words in the cutthroat man-eat-man business of fake certificates, diplomaxpress.com a leading diploma mill, berated it’s main rival succeedonline.com for producing substandard fake diplomas for the market. Sure, the degrees are as false…
CDC Warns Vampire Outbreak Imminent
The Center for Disease Control has issued an “urgent” warning about the spread of a dangerous new disease it’s calling “vampirism” or the DRAC1SUC3 virus. According to the press release issued today by the CDC, there has been an “alarming…
Viagra Vision Loss Blamed in Senior Citizen Fire
EXTON, PA – A seventy-two-year-old man set fire to his apartment in the Sunrise Acres retirement facility last night after he had tried to light a candle but ignited the drapes instead. Gerald DeHaven told police he had taken Viagra…
Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell Yields McCain Tell-All Backdoor Book
Senator John McCain’s fierce stance against repealing the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” law has brought about speculation of his hatred for homosexuals. While McCain cites the hardships that military members face in Iraq and Afghanistan, many others are accusing the…
Prisoner Brutally Beats Cellmate With Prosthetic Arm
Rochester, NY – Hugh Buttnum, an inmate at the Monroe County jail in Rochester, NY, is in critical condition after a fellow inmate ripped off Buttnum’s prosthetic arm and beat him with it. Evidently, inmate J. “Johnny” Johnson was not…
Tiger Woods Converts to Mormonism, Declares 2nd Wife – Seeking More?
Salt Lake City, UT – Thurl Bailey step aside, the LDS Church will soon have a new spokesmodel. In a bizarre turn of events yesterday morning, LDS Church elders in Salt Lake City announced that Tiger Woods has decided to…