Month: February 2010
Storm has DC Scrambling for Staples
WASHINGTON, D.C.— It all began innocently enough with light flakes around noon in downtown D.C. Forecasters warned of 30 inches or more of heavy, wet snow and powerful winds. Devastating for Washington. It would become the heaviest snowfall since January…
AOL News: “Palin Says She’d Run in 2012”
Where? Back to Alaska?
John Edwards to Appear on Jerry Springer
In what is hailed as a media coup, former 2008 presidential candidate John Edwards has agreed to an exclusive deal with Jerry Springer Productions. According to Washington insiders, the move is a bold “out of the box” insurgency first step…
Ask Hank: All Your Philosophically Sexual Questions Answered
OK Hank, Here are a couple philosophical questions for your amusement. Why do men and women have two hands? If the Universe is expanding like my waistline, why does the content of my wallet not do the same? Why do…
Microsoft Opens “E-Gates” On Mexico / US Border, Windows Unavailable
Laredo, TX – Returning from a recent business conference on immigration in Mexico City, Microsoft Chairman William Gates, the world’s richest man, flew over what will become the new “RioGrande BushWall” near Laredo, Texas. Having told reporters in Mexico earlier,…
Secessionists Pass out Own Survey to Tea Party Attendees
A South Carolina independent rag known as the Secessionist News developed a Survey entitled “Where Do You Stand as a True American?” They hope it will be picked up and answered by lots of Tea Party Convention delegates in an…
Tips on Keeping Your Job in a Sucky Economy
Well I am still employed! So things can’t be too bad. Every day while having my coffee and donuts, I read about massive layoffs and wonder if the ax will ever fall over here. So today I am going to…
Important Tips For Tax Deductions (Regardless of What Your Brother-In-Law Says)
Alcatraz, CA – Thinking about deducting those drinks that you had Friday night as a business expense? You are not alone. Looking for some last minute tax deductions? Well, we can’t help you, but we do have some tips on…
Fox Employee Threatens Suit over Roger Ailes’ Excessive Flatulence
A former Fox News employee is threatening to file a lawsuit in New York District Court against News Corp, the parent company of Fox News Channel, and Fox News President, Roger Ailes, claiming that she was wrongfully terminated when she…
Robertson Hospitalized with Mysterious ‘Sharp Pains’
Programming ceased today at the popular 700 Club network, as Pat Robertson was rushed to the hospital. The 79 year old televangelist complained of “like needles sticking in me all over, particularly in the crotch area.” The attack came as…