Author: MRJ
Man Sacked for Wearing Arsenal Jersey
NAIROBI, Kenya – An employee of Kenya Airways, Kenya’s national airline was apparently sacked for wearing an Arsenal FC (football club) tee shirt to a Kenya Airways sponsored event at the Masai Mara. Eyewitnesses say a Mr. Bosire, (former) corporate…
Kenya Defence Force Admits “Minor Borrowing” During Mall Siege
NAIROBI, Kenya– After weeks of denying stealing anything from the Westgate Mall following attacks by the al-Shaaabab, the Kenya Defence Forces have finally admitted they stole bottled water from one of the supermarkets. This came on the wake of the…
Church Says Censoring Muhammad Violates Equal Opportunity Hate
In a classic U-turn change of mind the creators of the popular pint sized animated television show “South Park” decided to sensor their 200th episode. This preceded an almost global outcry from Muslims following the depiction of Muhammad [saw] in…
Next iPad Prototype Found in Parking Lot
Cupertino, Ca (GlossyNews) — In what seemed to be a case of apparent carelessness on the part of an alleged Apple employee a next generation iPad was reported lost — eventually found — in a parking lot. A leading technology…
The Pope Faces A Day In Court
VATICAN CITY (GlossyNews) — A leading Atheist Richard Dawkins has hinted on the possibility of suing the Pope on child abuse cover ups in the Catholic church when he was Cardinal. This revelation has not led to a proper response…
Africans Risk Their Lives to Stay Clean
Kampala, Uganda (GlossyNews) — Nothing But Nets, a campaign website driven by the passion of it’s members who donate money to buy mosquito nets for African children, has reported in a finding that in most instances donated nets are cut…
God Rejects Billionaires’ Joint Bid To Buy Earth
ALBUQUERQUE, NM (GlossyNews) — God Almighty, sole owner and creator of the earth, has categorically denied a joint bid by Carlos Slim Helu, Bill Gates, Warren Buffet, Mukesh Ambani, Lakshmi Mittal and other billionaire club members to buy the planet.
Elton John Calls Jesus Gay, Muslims Enraged
LONDON, U.K. (GlossyNews) — Elton John, no stranger to controversy, made news again this week when he called Jesus of Nazareth gay in an interview with Parade Magazine. The statement angered many practicing Christians around the world. Catholic League President…
Tiger Woods Dropped By Gatorade – Threatens To Leave U.S.
BARRINGTON, IL (GlossyNews) –Tiger Woods has threatened to leave the United States if Gatorade’s decision makers do not bend over backward, swallow their pride and reinstate their sponsorship. Sources close to Woods confirmed that the troubled golfer will leave the…
Chileans Worried They Won’t Get as Much Attention as Haiti
“In the news, they said the quake might have moved the earth a bit form its axis thus affecting the length of day. I hate it when that happens,” said a Chilean beach goer.