Diploma Xpress Accuses Competition of Poor Quality Fake Diplomas

In another case of a war of words in the cutthroat man-eat-man business of fake certificates, diplomaxpress.com a leading diploma mill, berated it’s main rival succeedonline.com for producing substandard fake diplomas for the market. Sure, the degrees are as false as any, but the quality of the physical diplomas are, according to some, of lackluster production value.

“We believe our clients deserve the best [fake] diplomas for their hard earned money and not the mediocrity Succeed is offering,” said Matty Maguire, DiplomaXpress PR rep.

“And even though there are literally hundreds of accrediting agencies, there is no regulatory body as yet in our line of work. So we should take it upon ourselves to regulate ourselves, being our brother’s keepers, by removing the flack from their eyes so they can clearly see their incompetence,” added Marty.

DiplomaXpress, who are the market leaders and whose customers are mostly high school and college seniors, have recently branched into the production of PhD’s, MBA’s, MBE’s and OBE’s to cater to the rapidly expanding and profitable segment of postgraduates and ‘distinguished individuals in society’ clientele.

Succeedonline CEO Fred “Freddy” Kerkorian dismissed these claims as hogwash, and just another case of “Old entrants fearing new entrants,” as is the common feature in the dot.com landscape-or is it netscape?

Professor Arthur McDunkin PhD, Mch., MBA, MBE of the University College London concluded there is some credence in Kerkorian’s observation. “DiplomaXpress is still the leader in this field with with a market share of 60%. But that’s down 10 percentage points from the same period last year which shows competition is gaining ground.”

An authority on fake credentials, author of two bestsellers ‘Contraband Certificates’ and ‘Our Cheating Society’ and writer of numerous papers on the subject, Professor Arthur didn’t fail to notice the improvements in the ‘efficiencies’ and ‘perceived authenticity’ of these company’s products.

In an experimental study conducted last year, the original diploma was voted fourth – by experts – out of the total five diplomas on display, all of them fake but one.

“Last year it was number three,” he said.

The Professor also noted that, “These guys have become so good at producing fakes which are more real than the real McCoys; the seals, holograms and all- done with such aviation precision that this is surely evidence of highly skilled workmanship and frankly speaking, the phonies are far better quality.”

So what’s the secret, we asked.

“Not only is this attributable to modern technology like the HP® laserjet printers, laser guided Holos and nextgen 3D Fuji finepix® DSC[digital still cameras] which uses two 3x zoom lenses instead of one, placed approximately a distance apart like the human eyes, giving an impression of depth, but also the use of Sandalwood pulp and of course, globalisation” bragged Maguire.

“Though illegally logged, Sandal is of a higher quality than recycled cardboard, a preference of many Colleges as it’s cheap and the need to please tree-hugging Peaceniks and Greenbelters is also high in their agenda. We don’t carry such baggage.

“But again, we don’t come cheap. In the fake diploma business, you get what you pay for,” he added.

Succeedonline’s Freddy, denied comment as he was busy finalizing paperwork for their forthcoming IPO, this Easter.

Author: MRJ

Mahmud R. Joel loves to play with stereotypes but frankly is too lazy to work, too nervous to steal and too proud to beg, but we 'does' guarantee news satire in real time-that's how we kill time. And FYI, just like the "S" in Harry S. Truman, the "R" stands for nothing really. Not giving much here. For more check us out at newsync.blogspot.com - the first African news satire and humour blog with a global perspective.