Month: January 2010
Goldman Sachs Execs Actually Appreciate “Gold Man Sacks” Jabs
Goldman Sachs is arguably best known as the firm that created the most wealth for the most clients over the longest sub-decade period of prosperity in modern history, though they’re as well known as the people who created the equally…
Saddam TV Debuts In Iraq to Wild Ululation
A mysterious pirate television channel, calling itself Saddam TV, has begun broadcasting in Iraq. No one knows the source of the broadcast, but American Super Freedom Friend Forces insist it’s surely the work of members of Saddam’s devoted Baath Party….
Web-Surfing Chimp Target of Porno Spam
Charlie, a chimpanzee owned by animal psychologist Mary Lively, celebrated his 6th birthday by sending text messages on his very own laptop. The computer was specially designed for Charlie by Apeco Technologies at the urging of Lively after she had…
Is Cheney a Traitor? Or Just a Dick?
In the years of the Cheney regime, the word ‘traitor’ took on new meanings unimagined by Funk and Wagnall. The original meaning Webster wrote down some 250 years ago is ‘one who betrays a trust’ — which would pretty much…
Madonna: Man Enough to Fill Simon Cowell’s Seat?
Simon Fuller, the creator of American Idol, is reportedly close to offering Simon Cowell’s soon-to-be vacant judgeship to Madonna, a move that has a lot of people asking if Madonna is man enough to fill the position. Simon Fuller seems…
Sarah Palin Proudly Earns GED — And Real, Not Honorary
Sandpoint, ID (GlossyNews) — Sarah Palin may not be smarter than an inner-city or deep-south fifth grader, but on Friday, she’ll earned something few 5th graders have — a high school diploma; well, a high school equivalency certificate, at any…
Conserva-tards Furious Obama Seeks to Limit Fed Spending
In large part it’s because “runaway Democrat spending” was the only thing, the last bastion of damnation, they had to campaign against, but more than tha,t they’re furious because the wastes slated for reduction are ones instituted by George W….
NuvaRing Rolls Out New Marketing Campaign; Bare is Better
WHITEHOUSE STATION, NJ – NuvaRing, the world’s largest round contraceptive device, has seen its image go pear shaped owing to a dungstorm of lawsuits filed on behalf of persons who have died or have been otherwise discommoded while using the…
Virgin Mary Image Appears in Mex Meth Lab
Unconfirmed reports out of Mexico are claiming that a stain on a bench in a meth lab located in the small town of Arre Pentido bears a striking resemblance to the Virgin Mary. Villagers from all around have flocked to…