Posted in Sports Events

2010 Winter Olympics — Sold Out to the Highest Bidder?

This scene was captured by one of our authors last week, but we can’t publish it under her name because she was subsequently disqualified for using performance enhancing substances. We will still publish it, but we can’t give her credit,…

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Posted in Serious Commentary

An Audacious Attempt at Haitian Relief Efforts

The headlines read: “Americans Held Taking Children from Haiti.” It then goes on to report that a group of 10 Baptists mostly from Idaho, but also from Texas and Kansas formed the “Haitian Orphan Rescue Mission” in order to go…

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Posted in Society

Dear Hank: Sweets for My Sweets Making Them Obese

Dear Hank, I’ve got a real problem. I’m considering taking a walk down the aisle for the 4th time and I already know how it’s going to end…in divorce. Why? Because I am the one responsible for the merry-go-round that…

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Posted in Politics

GOP Expects Death Star Fully Operational Prior to 2012 Elections

Hard-core Republicans, also known in some circles as the ‘Evil Empire’, plan to have their Death Star fully operational by the 2012 election. The Death Star, which is believed to have the capacity to neutralize the minds of an entire…

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Posted in Television

Kate Gosselin on TLC: Taming of the Shrewd

The long-awaited news has finally arrived. TLC has just announced the name and format for Kate’s solo show, sans Jon and Kids. The show is tentatively named Kate: TheTaming of the Shrewd, and it features Kate each week being employed…

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Posted in Religionism

Jesus Puts Population of Heaven at 150, Tops

WEST CHESTER, PA. – The civilized world was gobsmacked yesterday by Jesus’ off-hand remark that there are roughly 150 people in heaven. That’s 1-to-the-5-plus-0, period, the population of septic fields like Armpit, New Mexico, and Chowder Falls, Wisconsin. If your…

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Posted in Internets Tubes

MTV Snared in Illegal Promotion Pact with Perez Hilton

If you’d looked at this a year ago, you’d have found that Perez Hilton was either a no-talent ass-clown or one of the biggest trend-setter bloggers in the western world. But if you look at him today you’ll find he’s…

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Posted in Religionism

Pope Benedict XVI Declares War on Wet Dreams

VATICAN CITY – Pope Benedict XVI, who threatened condom users in Africa with excommunication last year, is now taking aim on wet dreams. In an encyclical entitled God Owns the Night the supreme pontiff warned Catholics that they “cannot seek…

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc

Salinger Grocery Lists to be Published

The literary world was shocked this week by news of J.D. Salinger’s death. Author of the iconic coming of age tale Catcher in the Rye, Salinger died at his New Hampshire home, aged 91. The non-literary world was shocked that…

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Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc

Wikipedia Reporting that J.D. Salinger Faked His Death

Iconic author J.D. Salinger is alive and well and resting comfortably on a cruise ship in the Caribbean, according to an Associated Content report. Mr. Salinger, 91, is thought to have returned to his first love, the sea, because he…

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Posted in Biz News

Goldman Sachs Execs Actually Appreciate “Gold Man Sacks” Jabs

Goldman Sachs is arguably best known as the firm that created the most wealth for the most clients over the longest sub-decade period of prosperity in modern history, though they’re as well known as the people who created the equally…

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Posted in Television

Saddam TV Debuts In Iraq to Wild Ululation

A mysterious pirate television channel, calling itself Saddam TV, has begun broadcasting in Iraq. No one knows the source of the broadcast, but American Super Freedom Friend Forces insist it’s surely the work of members of Saddam’s devoted Baath Party….

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Posted in Science & Technologizzy

Web-Surfing Chimp Target of Porno Spam

Charlie, a chimpanzee owned by animal psychologist Mary Lively, celebrated his 6th birthday by sending text messages on his very own laptop. The computer was specially designed for Charlie by Apeco Technologies at the urging of Lively after she had…

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Posted in War Zone

Is Cheney a Traitor? Or Just a Dick?

In the years of the Cheney regime, the word ‘traitor’ took on new meanings unimagined by Funk and Wagnall. The original meaning Webster wrote down some 250 years ago is ‘one who betrays a trust’ — which would pretty much…

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Posted in Television

Madonna: Man Enough to Fill Simon Cowell’s Seat?

Simon Fuller, the creator of American Idol, is reportedly close to offering Simon Cowell’s soon-to-be vacant judgeship to Madonna, a move that has a lot of people asking if Madonna is man enough to fill the position. Simon Fuller seems…

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Posted in Politics Strange People

Sarah Palin Proudly Earns GED — And Real, Not Honorary

Sandpoint, ID (GlossyNews) — Sarah Palin may not be smarter than an inner-city or deep-south fifth grader, but on Friday, she’ll earned something few 5th graders have — a high school diploma; well, a high school equivalency certificate, at any…

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Posted in News In Your Briefs

Conserva-tards Furious Obama Seeks to Limit Fed Spending

In large part it’s because “runaway Democrat spending” was the only thing, the last bastion of damnation, they had to campaign against, but more than tha,t they’re furious because the wastes slated for reduction are ones instituted by George W….

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Posted in Gadgets & Gizmos

NuvaRing Rolls Out New Marketing Campaign; Bare is Better

WHITEHOUSE STATION, NJ – NuvaRing, the world’s largest round contraceptive device, has seen its image go pear shaped owing to a dungstorm of lawsuits filed on behalf of persons who have died or have been otherwise discommoded while using the…

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Posted in Making Headlines

Rumors of Todd Palin’s Inupiat Mistress Leaked on Alaskan Blog

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Posted in Religionism

Virgin Mary Image Appears in Mex Meth Lab

Unconfirmed reports out of Mexico are claiming that a stain on a bench in a meth lab located in the small town of Arre Pentido bears a striking resemblance to the Virgin Mary. Villagers from all around have flocked to…

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