Month: January 2010
It’s War: Tiny Countries Move Against the US
Meneng, Nauru, Micronesia (GlossyNews) — In breaking news this morning, the government of the sleepy Micronesian island nation of Nauru has joined with the tiny nations of Monaco and Vatican City in declaring a preemptive war on the United States….
Jeff Bridges a Practicing Wiccan?
Most people know actor Jeff Bridges best for his starring role in the movie “The Big Lebowski” where he played a pot-smoking loser known as “The Dude.” Until recently, his private life has been very private. In fact, the only…
NBA Installing Metal Detectors in All Locker Rooms
The National Basketball Association (NBA) moved quickly to minimize the presence of handguns in locker rooms around the league following an incident in the Washington Wizards locker room on Christmas Eve. Gilbert Arenas, the Wizards leading scorer, and Javaris Crittenton,…
Gore Collects Internet Royalties to Stop Global Warming
Geneva, Switzerland (GlossyNews) — Albert A Gore, Nobel Prize Winner and one of the pioneers of the internet and the modern World Wide Web, announced today that as of March 1, 2010, he will begin to collect royalties for commercial…
Cell Phones For The Homeless
New York, NY – Since the cell phone market is maturing, where are the phone companies going to go to increase sales? The Homeless. Problem is there is no mail address to send the monthly bills, and prepaid only works…
Ask Hank – Spam Mail Offers Unemployed Dad Chance at New Career
Dear Hank, I recently received this email and thought I would ask your advice about how to respond. You see I am currently unemployed and this job offer would be such a big help for me to put food on…
Yin and Yang To Divorce, Cite Irreconcilable Differences
Yin and Yang, one of the world’s most beloved and recognizable couples, has filed for divorce, citing irreconcilable differences as the reason for their split. “It happens,” said the dark-haired Ms. Yin. “After thousands of years couples just grow apart….
XE, Artists Formerly Known As Blackwater, Open Kill Thrill Amusement Park
Hayden, ID (GlossyNews) — Soldiers of Fortune, paramilitary buffs and serial killers can all revel in the new theme park started by Xe, the artists once known as Blackwater. Fresh from getting off their convictions of killing 17 Iraqi civilians…
Oh Brother, Can You Spare Your Wife?
It is reported that a man in Germany did more than borrow a cup of sugar when he asked his neighbor to impregnate his wife for $2,500. Demetrius Soupolos was sterile and unable to have children with his former beauty-queen…
Wal-Mart to Debut Hire-A-Zombie Program
Wal-Mart, leading the way in innovative ways to cut wages and benefits for American workers, has successfully created a “Hire-a-Zombie” program that is expected to dramatically change the Wal-Mart shopping experience.