Categorized | War Zone

XE, Artists Formerly Known As Blackwater, Open Kill Thrill Amusement Park

XE, Artists Formerly Known As Blackwater, Open Kill Thrill Amusement Park

Hayden, ID (GlossyNews) — Soldiers of Fortune, paramilitary buffs and serial killers can all revel in the new theme park started by Xe, the artists once known as Blackwater.

Fresh from getting off their convictions of killing 17 Iraqi civilians at a traffic circle in Baghdad, the now rejuvenated and non-incarcerated Xe is putting its money into a Disneyland-style park for those who bill for a kill.

“It will be great!” boasted Xe Park Planner Gene Cide. “We will have amusements here for all ages and both sexes so long as they are white. We would allow other races in, but we don’t know what they would do with guns in their hands. Better to leave them in the hands of the people who invented them.”

Taking a tour of the facility as it is being built in Klanish, Idaho ( quote “…where it is safe from darkies”), the park will feature such attractions as the ‘Thrill To Kill’ arena built to look like a Middle East housing area where attendees can dress up like paramilitarists, break into homes and shoot anyone who looks the least bit suspicious, and win prizes without recriminations. The only time one loses money is when one shoots one of his teammates or a figure from a coalition group.

Of course, if the coalition soldier is not white, the shooter will most likely be let off the hook.

Other attractions are the ‘Abu Ghraib House of Horror’ where entrants are given the goal of getting information from an alleged terrorist without leaving marks on his or her body.

Contestants have 30 minutes to reach their goal before actual ‘military representatives’ find them and make them stop. Any techniques are allowed except being nice to them. Being nice to anyone is a invitation to being kicked out and makes you look like a sissy.

A large segment of the park is devoted to the ‘Highway to Hell’, a recreated Middle Eastern street and highway. Participants are to pick up a ‘VIP’ and escort him to their goal at the other end of the 28 mile-long road. Participants are armed with machine guns and semi-automatic weapons that can be used to shoot anyone coming within 50 feet of the vehicle. Distances do not have to be exact, neither does firing.

Anyone hit in other vehicles or alongside the road do not count but also do not detract from one’s points. The only thing that does matter is getting the ‘VIP’ to his destination unharmed no matter what the body count is.

Every day, an overall winner will be chosen from all attendees and will receive an exclusive government monopolistic contract with no conditions binding and no one to answer to. Immunity from the laws of foreign regimes also included.

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I was born and I died. Being a disembodied entity makes it very cheap for me to get by. Not having to worry about eating or having a place to live gives me a lot of freedom to squander my time writing occasionally funny articles. See more almost funny stuff at http://inyear252509.wordpress.com/

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