Tag Archive | "iran"

Khameini Frustrated: Putin Still Friendzoning Ayatollah (2/2)

Unlike Khomeini-ite Fiqh, TULIP-flavor Calvinism, and other scientific and empirically rigorous political discourses, “nice guy” and “friendzoning” are ideological aberrations that are completely detached from reality.

Still, that didn’t stop Khameini giving it to us one last time:

I mean, there are so many jumpy, rowdy, jerk-off pricks who treat other guys really, really, REALLY badly! And Putin doesn’t mind THEM!

Read the full story


Posted in Politics, ReligionismComments (1)

Netan-YAHOO’s Speaks Before The American Congress

The President of Israel, Netan-YAHOO, has given his talk today at the American Congress.

His coming to America has been a bone of contention between the Republicans and Democrats (what else is new?) as Netan-YAHOO was not invited by President Obama but rather by Speaker of the House John Boehner, a breach of normal U.S. international protocol unless of course you want to piss off the President and make him look bad. Read the full story


Posted in PoliticsComments (0)

Skrillex Weighs In On Iran Situation: “Wurrrrgraawwwwllllwicketyreeeeeoowwwr”

LOS ANGELES — Asked his opinion on whether or not the U.S. lifting specific sanctions on Iran in exchange for Iran’s cooperation in partially halting their nuclear program was a prudent decision, dubstep artist Skrillex weighed in, telling reporters, “WURRRRGRAAWWWWLLLLWICKETYREEEE-EOOWWWRR.” Read the full story


Posted in MusicComments (0)

Breaking News: Ayatollah Converts to Judaism

TEHRAN – Millions of Iranians have been left dumbfounded after the Ayatollah Khomeini announced his conversion to Judaism.

News agencies in Iran say the Supreme Leader underwent his change of faiths early Wednesday and chose to make an announcement only now with the hopes of cheering up his wife, who has been quite cranky for the last few weeks.

On-scene reporter Frank Douglas noted the shift in religious loyalties could force the United States to give Iran foreign aid, which its economy desperately needs after years of floundering due to sanctions imposed by the West. Read the full story


Posted in Religionism, World NewsComments (1)

Iranian News Agency Goof: Thought Onion Spoof About Rednecks Liking Ahmajinadad was Real

Note to readers, this article is an experiment in new software equipment that makes the material visible to the public reading audience as it is typed and being viewed by an editor.

It reflects an effort by the journalistic community to get the latest news and writings out to the reading community with as little delay and interference as possible. Read the full story


Posted in Books, Newspapers & Misc, Internets TubesComments (4)

Social Media Diplomacy Threatens to Destabilize International Relations

Much of the conflict that resulted in the First World War was fostered in the various alliances that countries bound themselves to in the years leading up to the conflict.

In the Information Age, a similar dynamic had predicated itself in social media relationships between various countries and their leaders, leading to tenuous diplomatic bonds and disputes that threaten to push the world to the brink of war. Read the full story


Posted in Internets TubesComments (2)

Nuclear Armed N. Korea ‘Posing Grave Threat to U.S. Hopes of Justifying War with Iran’

SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA – As President Obama carried out a diplomatic mission to South Korea Saturday, members of congress issued an ultimatum to North Korea over its prospective weapons program, and warned the international community that a nuclear armed North Korea could pose a grave threat to America’s longstanding hopes of justifying a war with Iran. Read the full story


Posted in War ZoneComments (4)

For Israel, Peace at Any Price May Be Too High a Price

By Guest Writer Frank Edward Jordan

The state of Israel will not forgo attacking Iranian nuclear facilities just because the US has not given it permission. Israel is a nuclear power. It has both the means and military expertise to subject Iran to a nuclear holocaust when it feels the time has come to act. One should remember that the only reason Israel did not subject Saddam’s country to missile strikes during the first Gulf War was that George H. W. Bush, fearful of losing Arab support if Israel retaliated, pledged to wipe out the Scud missiles that were impacting in Israel. But, the Knesset and the Israeli leadership were just a hair’s breath away from launching its own retaliation.

Eighty years ago, the Nuremburg Laws set out to destroy Jews from all of Germany and Europe. The survivors of that Holocaust settled Palestine under the terms of the United Nations Partition. Now, the state of Israel is a military force that, more than once, has beaten back all the nations surrounding it, and without nuclear weapons. Read the full story


Posted in Serious CommentaryComments (5)

Israeli Cruise Ship Sinks After Striking Floating Goldberg

Tel Aviv, IA -(Glossy News) Mourners filled the office of Zion Shipping Lines after news of the first Israeli cruise ship, the Moe Weiner, was reported foundering in rough waters in Lake Champaine in upstate New York.

According to several eyewitnesses, the Moe Weiner hit a partially submerged object. Later identified as a possible Golberg, the heavily laden cruise ship began sinking almost immediately. Read the full story


Posted in TravelComments (0)

WikiLeaks Revelation: Iranian President “Some Kind of F’d Up Elf”

Sydney, Australia (BNSE): Wikileaks, the controversial Australian based organization which recently rocked the American intelligence community with the release of thousands of classified documents linked to the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, has sent shock waves again with the release of extraordinary documents detailing the shadowy background of Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Read the full story


Posted in Politics, World NewsComments (0)

Suicide Bomber Surprise – Few of 72 Virgins Young or Women

TEHRAN, Iran – Future suicide bombers around the globe woke up with a jolt today, when they realized they faced a surprising religious announcement from a leading Iranian cleric. No, it wasn’t the sound of their vests exploding, but it was just as startling for them considering the ramifications.

The Super Exclusively Grand Ayatollah in Iran acknowledged that the supposed 72 Virgins waiting in Heaven for any departed suicide bomber who has chosen the path of martyrdom are not always young. He also added with a grimace that they also aren’t always girls. Read the full story


Posted in Religionism, War ZoneComments (0)

Ahmadinejad: ‘Concentration Camps Merely Weight Loss Centers For Rich Jews’

Tehran, Iran Iran’s president offered his candid remarks in a televised address to Iran’s Righteous Council that he was proud to stoke international outrage with his latest remarks denying the Holocaust ever existed, and was mostly a fabricated lie. The announcement was made as his team made preparations to head to the United Nations in New York for a week of Israel bashing. Read the full story


Posted in PoliticsComments (0)

Obama Gets Tough with Iran: Leaves Bitchy Note on UN Desk

Washington, DC (GlossyNews): In its toughest rhetoric yet, the Obama Administration lashed out at Iran’s ongoing nuclear enrichment program. Iran maintains the program is only intended to develop a domestic nuclear fuel source for civilian electrical power generation, an explanation critics dismiss as a thinly veiled excuse to develop nuclear weapons.

The strongly worded statement was delivered on the floor of the United Nations General Assembly in the form of a post-it note left attached to a reading lamp on the desk of the Iranian Delegation over a lunch break late last week. Read the full story


Posted in Top Stories, World NewsComments (1)

Really Big Important News Story

Santiago, Chile (GlossyNews) — Posted by your new South America correspondents, Maria and Consuela Lopez.

In a Glossy News exclusive, Maria Lopez has learned there is a crazy conspiracy where Brazil, Turkey and Iran all want to get nuclear weapons. For those of you who don’t know, nuclear bombs are dangerous. Turkey and Iran signed a deal with Brazil, where something called Uranium will get enriched, and they all get bombs to drop on their neighbors.

—Hermana, that’s not what is going on. Lula da Silva is trying to carve out a neutral ground between the gringos and that crazy retro Neo-Marxist nativist bloc currently led by Chavez. Brazil has every right to assert itself on the world stage, and try to ease tensions— Read the full story


Posted in SocietyComments (0)

Truce Rumored in War Against Drugs

May 14, 2010: Posted from a secure, undisclosed location by Glossy News South American correspondent in hiding.

It is still too early to speak definitively, but if that busboy is correct, the United States’ longest and most costly war is nearing an end.

An open secret in this sleepy Latin American town, high level negotiations have been ongoing for several days between puritanical US forces and the ever present need among ‘Gringos’ to get more stoned than a drag queen in Iran. Read the full story


Posted in SocietyComments (1)

Dispute Over Persian Gulf Naming Rights Leads to Name Calling

TEHRAN, Iran (GlossyNews) — Airlines refusing to call the waterway between Iran and the Arabian peninsula the ‘Persian Gulf’ will be banned from Iranian airspace, the transport minister told local media.

The warning was directed toward air carriers in neighboring Gulf Arab countries, who have a history of referring to the body of water as the ‘Arabian Gulf’. Read the full story


Posted in World NewsComments (1)

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