Tel Aviv, IA -(Glossy News) Mourners filled the office of Zion Shipping Lines after news of the first Israeli cruise ship, the Moe Weiner, was reported foundering in rough waters in Lake Champaine in upstate New York.

According to several eyewitnesses, the Moe Weiner hit a partially submerged object. Later identified as a possible Golberg, the heavily laden cruise ship began sinking almost immediately. Read the full story

Sydney, Australia (BNSE): Wikileaks, the controversial Australian based organization which recently rocked the American intelligence community with the release of thousands of classified documents linked to the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, has sent shock waves again with the release of extraordinary documents detailing the shadowy background of Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Read the full story

TEHRAN, Iran – Future suicide bombers around the globe woke up with a jolt today, when they realized they faced a surprising religious announcement from a leading Iranian cleric. No, it wasn’t the sound of their vests exploding, but it was just as startling for them considering the ramifications.

The Super Exclusively Grand Ayatollah in Iran acknowledged that the supposed 72 Virgins waiting in Heaven for any departed suicide bomber who has chosen the path of martyrdom are not always young. He also added with a grimace that they also aren’t always girls. Read the full story

Tehran, Iran Iran’s president offered his candid remarks in a televised address to Iran’s Righteous Council that he was proud to stoke international outrage with his latest remarks denying the Holocaust ever existed, and was mostly a fabricated lie. The announcement was made as his team made preparations to head to the United Nations in New York for a week of Israel bashing. Read the full story

Washington, DC (GlossyNews): In its toughest rhetoric yet, the Obama Administration lashed out at Iran’s ongoing nuclear enrichment program. Iran maintains the program is only intended to develop a domestic nuclear fuel source for civilian electrical power generation, an explanation critics dismiss as a thinly veiled excuse to develop nuclear weapons.

The strongly worded statement was delivered on the floor of the United Nations General Assembly in the form of a post-it note left attached to a reading lamp on the desk of the Iranian Delegation over a lunch break late last week. Read the full story

Santiago, Chile (GlossyNews) — Posted by your new South America correspondents, Maria and Consuela Lopez.

In a Glossy News exclusive, Maria Lopez has learned there is a crazy conspiracy where Brazil, Turkey and Iran all want to get nuclear weapons. For those of you who don’t know, nuclear bombs are dangerous. Turkey and Iran signed a deal with Brazil, where something called Uranium will get enriched, and they all get bombs to drop on their neighbors.

—Hermana, that’s not what is going on. Lula da Silva is trying to carve out a neutral ground between the gringos and that crazy retro Neo-Marxist nativist bloc currently led by Chavez. Brazil has every right to assert itself on the world stage, and try to ease tensions— Read the full story

May 14, 2010: Posted from a secure, undisclosed location by Glossy News South American correspondent in hiding.

It is still too early to speak definitively, but if that busboy is correct, the United States’ longest and most costly war is nearing an end.

An open secret in this sleepy Latin American town, high level negotiations have been ongoing for several days between puritanical US forces and the ever present need among ‘Gringos’ to get more stoned than a drag queen in Iran. Read the full story

TEHRAN, Iran (GlossyNews) — Airlines refusing to call the waterway between Iran and the Arabian peninsula the ‘Persian Gulf’ will be banned from Iranian airspace, the transport minister told local media.

The warning was directed toward air carriers in neighboring Gulf Arab countries, who have a history of referring to the body of water as the ‘Arabian Gulf’. Read the full story

NEWNAN, GA — In a report issued by the Institute of Southern Studies, teachers in the South have become the largest casualties of the recession. According to researchers, the study “finds that many schools, especially in the South, are slashing school budgets – and teacher positions – in the wake of the recession.” The three states expected to make the deepest cuts in education are Georgia, Florida and North Carolina. Even more troubling for Georgia is that the state received a “C” on a national report card grading the effectiveness of its charter schools. This news was released December 7, 2009. It marks the second consecutive year that Georgia has received this grade. Read the full story

Paris, TX — Canada, once one of America’s staunchest allies in North America and a bulwark against growing aboriginal unrest and encroachment of the Scandinavian powers, continues to befuddle the West.

In the 1950s, 60s, and 70s Canada, with the backing of the US and England, grew to prominence in North America. Canada became a ‘strongman’ and a policeman that the West could rely on in a sea of continuous turmoil in a region troubled by the growing influence of capitalism and rock and roll. Read the full story

The UK Foreign Office has now switched its typical slack-arsed press release from ‘actively investigating’ reports that five British yachtsmen – including their yacht – have been arrested by Iran’s Revolutionary Guard to ‘actively investigating’ reports that the five have been released. Read the full story

Police are investigating a possible crime scene after a British atomic energy and weapons specialist involved in negotiations with Iran over its nuclear programme fell 40 metres to his death inside the UN’s headquarters building in Vienna.

Officials announced this morning that the man – named as Professor Timothy Hampton – died on the spot yesterday after a fall from the 17th floor at the Vienna International Kamikaze Centre – one of the United Nations main European HQ’s along with Geneva. Read the full story

Israeli Defence Minister Barak (Hey – coincidence or what – he and the all-new American President share a common name) has voiced Tel Aviv’s concern about the positive progress in talks between Iran, the IAEA and major world powers on Tehran’s purported weapons of mass distraction program in Vienna this week. Read the full story

The United States military hawks have thrown their hands up and cried “Time Out!” as they hotly deny accusations of having played a role in a deadly terrorist suicide bombing in southeast Iran.

“We condemn this act of terrorism and mourn the loss of innocent lives – honest – cross my heart and hope to die,” State Department spokesman Sheldon Weaselberg declared – just before dropping stone dead – in a statement to a group of media reporters who looked stupid or gullible enough to still believe anything the US government says. Read the full story

The top nuclear inspector at the UN told reporters from the Warmongers Gazette he does not believe that Iran is a threat to Middle Eastern peace and stability but conversely claims that Israel is the number one menace due its expansionist policies and covert nuclear weapons arsenal. Read the full story

Iran concealed a fully operational second uranium enrichment plant in defiance of Israeli-led calls for transparency over its nuclear plans, according to the perjurious Zionist stooge President Barack “Barky O’Barmy” Obama.

A group of sycophantic spokesmen for the US, UK and France told a reporter from the Cry Wolf Gazette that the UN and the IAEA had to be given immediate access to inspect Iran’s nuclear facilities and urged tough new sanctions to force the Ahmadashell administration to comply – while Russia and China publicly claimed they didn’t give a flying fuck and enjoyed watching Israel and their Western schlemiels squirm over what Iran did and or did not actually possess in the way of military weapons grade nuclear materials. Read the full story