TEHRAN – Millions of Iranians have been left dumbfounded after the Ayatollah Khomeini announced his conversion to Judaism.
News agencies in Iran say the Supreme Leader underwent his change of faiths early Wednesday and chose to make an announcement only now with the hopes of cheering up his wife, who has been quite cranky for the last few weeks.
On-scene reporter Frank Douglas noted the shift in religious loyalties could force the United States to give Iran foreign aid, which its economy desperately needs after years of floundering due to sanctions imposed by the West.
“Washington will have a hard time denying the right of Iran to American tax dollars now that the Ayatollah has changed his game. It just would not be fair at all,” he said.
In Israel, Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu held a choppy press conference from which many reporters emerged utterly confused. According to one correspondent, Netanyahu was so surprised by the Ayatollah’s decision that the only words he could muster were “Ugh, er…itchy goomy.”
Meanwhile the White House has made it clear that President Obama is not allowed to make a statement regarding the Iranian’s conversion until he receives Netanyahu’s orders.
The development is also said to have plunged President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad into a bout of clinical depression. Close advisers say he is practicing ping pong while burning through boxes of Krispy Kreme Donuts and Kleenex.