Pat Robertson: Gay Atheists are the Shocktroops of Iran

Pat Robertson is concerned at the mortal peril certain “bad folks” pose to people in the USA, and just this once, he’s not been shy to get to the root of the problem.

Now, listen carefully, my dear friends. If we are going to let all these, you know, these hooomoseeexual atheiiists, you know, if we tolerate them, let them work in our public facilities and business corporations….

Well, you’ve probably heard it before, but I’m gonna tell you, because it’s the truth, and it bears repeating.

Yes, the homosexual agenda cannot be tolerated.

Because if we tolerate all these fine, young, handsome atheist guys running around, and tempting our good, solid, pious men of God, and leading them into bad ways…

Well hell, you know there are even ministers and pastors that have been feeling these urges, and it’s hard to blame them.

And you know, God created men with a tendency to wander, which is why women are truly beloved of God.

The failure of men in imitating women in their natural virtue has resulted in women rejecting the double standard and imitating men in their natural vice.

Oh sorry, that was “Shaykh” Hamza Yusuf, but I guess we have a little bit in common after all, maybe. He hasn’t got it all wrong, that’s for sure.

Well, my dear friends and brethren, if we tolerate this, then sooner or later, we will have similarly tall, well-groomed, black-cloaked, glossy-haired, handsome, and fashionable Ayatollahs from Iran also running around, ordering people about, in their trendy, effeminate black capes…

I mean, you have all seen these guys, they have beards, like the 1980s bears, is what I believe the term is.

Ha, ha, you know, no, not Russian bears, but I guess it was the 80s, I suppose you could look at it, you maybe look at it like that too.

Well hey, heh heh heh, I’m gonna leave it to you…

Heh heh, I guess that’s just another kind of ungodliness. I mean, you know what we say here at my club, you know, my 700 club, the wicked, well the wicked are always inventing wicked things, that’s one thing for sure.

That said, I mean the Russians, I guess some of what they are doing in this, in this, you know this Orthodox Church of theirs, as I believe they call it, well it’s kind of problematic from a more correct, reformed Gospel perspective.

And yet, that said, they do seem to understand very well how to deal with the gay problem, so I guess the Lord will probably cut them some slack on the Day of Judgement, and tell those guys:

You yourselves have been faithful in but a few things, at least, so I think I may as well let you in just for the sake of my boundless generosity.

But yes, you know, these 1980s bears and their spiritual brothers, the Ayatollahs…

Well, they smirk at you (no, some of these guys do do this, you know), and they act all tough, but they are actually, one and all, they are very weak and cowardly individuals…

Who need a sense of the Divine presence in order to get them on the straight and narrow again.

I mean, you can be handsome, but you can be godly with it.

I mean, Ted Haggard, have any one of you heard of this guy?


Well, never mind. I guess you all know what I am talking about.

Original Version:

Author’s note:

Sadly not parody. As regards the Pat Robertson/Hamza Yusuf common ground, one Catholic says:

“I admire Muslim women and all women who practice the virtue of modesty, whether they choose to cover their hair or not.”

Just those women?

If so, why?

Hm. The author apparently has but little to say in this article about his admiration for Muslim women or non-Muslim women who courageously fight against “chastity” or “modesty” (sic), other than a posing a gestural dichotomy between Khomeini and Hefner.

Of course, so-called modesty or chastity can be legitimate strategies for women to navigate a patriarchal world…

If these are freely chosen, and not imposed from the outside.

But to appear to imply that there is something ‘superior’ about women who use such strategies is rather disreputable.

Well, if the author said he respected all Muslim women, ‘chaste’ or ‘unchaste’ alike (and the same for all non-Muslim women), that would have been more impressive.

Or not even impressive: just expressing more explicitly and clearly the basic decency I hope every man would aspire to.

So, if one of the main impulses that leads you to reach out to people from other religions is the patriarchal aspects that both religions have in common, and that many courageous and freethinking women who are members of the the religions themselves, and who have spoken out against and are still speaking out against it…

Well, maybe that says more about you than about the supposed ‘natural character’ of women.

Earlier version published at:

Author: Wallace Runnymede

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